Today when I was on the phone with my fiance, he was talking about his mom, and said she was the BIGGEST part of his life. Then he quickly added, oh and your a big part too. It makes me nervous, because I feel since he has asked me to marry him we should both be the BIGGEST parts of his life, I don't think one should take rank over the other. I am planning on moving 2 hours away from my family to be with him, and now i'm having doubts, I don't even rank in a top spot of his life. I just feel so afraid to leave everyone I love behind, to be w/ someone who can't even put me as their priority... I'm just confused.
2007-12-02 02:31:16 · 12 answers · asked by Girly 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well guys love their mothers and that is how it is. How he treats his mother shows how he treats women. Now there must be something else that is causing you to doubt this what else is it?
2007-12-02 02:37:09 · answer #1 · answered by mariarh79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yeah, I would be worried too, for 2 reasons:
(1) Like you said, it would be nice if YOU were the biggest part of his life because you are going to be his wife and you ought to rank first before his mother.
(2) If his mother is really the biggest part of his life, then she is going to be not only a big big part of your life, but she will outrank you in all sorts of ways for him. This is no way to begin (or be in the middle of) married life, is it?
I mean, how would he like it if you said your dad was the biggest part of your life? I'll bet he would not like it. So why it is OK for him, I cannot imagine.
I suggest you do a lot of thinking and maybe talk with a counselor or something. Because he is telling you loud and clear about something that is going to really impact your future with him. Talk to him first, then to a therapist maybe or a trusted friend. And please, please think hard before you actually get married. I wish you all the best.
2007-12-02 10:58:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you for feeling a little put out by what he said, but remember, you're not married yet. It doesn't sound like you're even living in the same city - so he might be seeing his mother more often than he sees you at the moment.
Relationships evolve and adapt over time. Once you are permanently in his life, his relationship with his mother should mature. Some of the love and support he gets from his mother, he'll now be getting from you. It's not uncommon to feel pangs of jealousy, but if you're heading into this relationship with thoughts of competition, prepare for some difficult days. You don't ever want to put him in a position of choosing between one or the other, or feeling like he has to prove his loyalty to you. He might choose you, but he'll also resent that he had to choose in the first place.
Finally - you should be thrilled that he has good relationships with his family. Those relationships are models for the one he'll have with you, and it sounds as though his relationship with his mother is a good example to follow.
2007-12-02 10:53:23 · answer #3 · answered by pecosee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my own experience I have found that if he is telling you his mother is the most important part of his life, he means it. When you are together and mom calls he will drop everything and run to her. If you can handle something like this go for it, but if you have any doubts, put it on hold, There is no reason to rush into anything. I feel that I young girl should live close to her family. Any reason he can't move to your area?
2007-12-02 10:39:00 · answer #4 · answered by Katie H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may be reading more into this than there is... He must have known from your reaction to him saying his mother was the biggest part of his life, that he'd better include you or else... Sounds to me like you are far to insecure to be in a relationship
2007-12-02 10:41:38 · answer #5 · answered by damond h 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't deny his love for his Mom. I'm sure his Mom brought him up well, otherwise you wouldn't have fallen in love with him in the first place.
She will remains the BIGGEST part of his life. His love for his mom is totally different from the love he has for you. Try looking at the positive side.., someday, both of you will have your own kids. Your husband will impart his values of appreciating his mom to your kids. And.., appreciating the mother of his kids..which is.. You. :))
2007-12-02 10:44:23 · answer #6 · answered by lylie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He loves his mother evidently...she is the "first woman" in his life....because she has always been there for him...I think you are reading too much into this.....If you feel that your fiance is a momma's boy.....and hasn't cut the apron strings...then maybe you may want to reconsider marrying him...
2007-12-02 10:39:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Noone wants a mommas boy. My wife is the biggest part of my life...yikes did i really type that?.....oh well..anyone but a mommas boy!
2007-12-02 10:40:13 · answer #8 · answered by Mergler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heard different rankings, what's a healthy ranking?
2007-12-02 10:38:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dump him. men who have this attitude towards their mom and especially if the mom takes that feeling from her too seriously wrecks a relationship between hub n wife. avoid in my opinion if you think your guy wont change!
tom
bh37bh37@yahoo.com
2007-12-02 11:46:36 · answer #10 · answered by bh37bh37 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋