I am currently separated from my husband of 8 years, we have 2 small children together. I thought we were trying to work on our marriage, I am in another state, and we were going to try to work on this long distance. I have recently found out he has been seeing and sleeping with someone. I also know he has told her he loves her, they have been together about 2 months. She has no kids and likes to party like him. This man is now going to be divorced twice with 3 kids (he has one from another marriage). How can a 23 year old girl possibly understand the pressures of having to deal with 2 ex wives and a middle aged man that is broke. Why would he tell me he still loves me, but still continues to see this girl? I need some advice, especially from a man, as I am really pissed, hurt and I feel betrayed.
2007-12-02 02:29:15 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand your anger but it's not about him. It's his life, he can be with whoever he wants.
I'm 22 and I always date with older guys because I don't have anything common with the guys on my own age. I've been through a lot in my life and I want more serious things so I think there is nothing wrong with dating a 36 year old.
What I can suggest you is, move on your OWN life. I'm sure you're a good mother. Find someone who deserves you.
2007-12-02 02:59:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but your husband is not working on getting back with you. Some young women today have no morals and only care about the attention they are getting even if the man is married with children. Your husband is a liar not only to you but also to this young woman who he probably hasn't told that he is working to get you and his children back! Some of these young women these days have been around the block with many guys by the age of 23 and you don't know what kind of nasty disease she could be harboring up her azzzz! I would get a good lawyer at this point and file for divorce.....because when one or the other starts getting sex from someone else before the marriage is truly over ....it just ruins any real chance of getting back together and making things right again. Besides the problems you already had now you have this 23 year old giving your husband a good time ...and he is not giving himself time to honestly think about you and the kids. If he loved you he would not even be able to or want to be with this woman ...because he would be more intrested in getting you and him back on a sexual level and have no desire to be with someone else. I don't believe this man knows what love really is....marriage is just a game to him and he has no idea what a real commitment means . All he knows is that he has been through a divorce once before and he knows he can do it again. A 23 year old doesn't care about him having 2 ex wives and child support to pay...all she cares about is living in the moment and if she stays in the picture with your husband ....the lives that he has affected will not be felt by her untill at a later time. If I were you I would find the strength and courage to move on in my life and when the time is right find a good man that you and your children deserve to have in your lives.
2007-12-02 05:23:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
3) Evolutionary studies have shown that men who are divorced tend to date someone much younger even, half thier age! Females reproductive system cease, males dont. They are more likely to reproduce, and have healthier offspring with a younger women- and a stabler life style!! Personally i dont think age matters and those who have judgements need to get over them- People are attracted to a certain person for a number of reasons that the next person doesnt understand! thats life- And seriously what man who is still in his prime wouldnt want a young, beautiful women who has loads of potential- These days the average 23 yr old women is an independant strong, working women often with a great career who maybe studying & has the potential to have a very rich fruitful life, where as the average 36 yr old women may have been raised in a stay at home mum environment and have a totally different value system, and totally different values- meaning he has to support her as well! And suggesting it is because the 36 yr old feels he needs something young and dumb, That is f#@n ridiculous- Some young women are dumb are they?????? young women today have alot more opportunities of schooling, uni, variety of jobs and have had alot more experience by age 23 then women ten years ago did.
2016-04-07 03:28:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing for sure they have in common: sex. SEXSEXSEXSEX.
I'd guess that he's seeking fun, not responsibility. You can talk about responsibility/pressure all you like, but when he's seeking young/fun/sexy, then it'll just go right over his head. Why should she have to deal with you and his other ex? It's quite possible that she doesn't even know about you... or that he's painting you in the worst possible light to justify himself.
My own husband is 35 and moved out two years ago when I found he'd been just about living in strip clubs. He'd changed jobs to a research lab with a constant resupply of young 20-something grad students, and started partying with them all the time. He won't go to couples therapy; I suspect either he refuses to face how shallow he's become, or, that there's something I don't know that he really doesn't want me to find out (I suspect an affair with one of the grad students.)
I've only just started to realize that the man I loved would have wanted to try to fix things, but the man he is now is only trying to fix the mess he made of our finances ($55k on credit cards to the strip clubs) and running from everything else. He wants a trophy girlfriend/wife, not a partner; I want a partner. Our relationship won't work unless he changes, and he is fighting hard not to change; and I can't change him.
Your situation sounds similar. Worry about yourself first; not how someone else can meet his needs. Can you live with this man as he is? Does he show any signs of wanting to change to someone you can live with? Do you want him so much you're willing to share him? (I'm not trying to judge, some people actually do this.) If the answers are no, then what will you do about this?
2007-12-02 02:45:51 · answer #4 · answered by Katie W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without being judgemental about his past, a 36 year old man and a 23 year old woman might just have life in common. Age does not become a barrier in a relationship until outside influence or conflict of interest arises. There is the possibility that they might just like one another. Remember, you once liked him as well and the reasons might not be so much different than yours.
2007-12-02 04:06:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing they have in common is sex.
And I'm sure the fun and games will come to an end within another 6 months when the kids start to come over for the weekends.
Since you already know what kind of man he is, and the reasons you divorced in the first place, are you sure you want to get back with him?
I'm sure he does love you. But apparently, NOT in love with you.
2007-12-02 02:43:08 · answer #6 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What they have in common is sex, partying and irresponisble. You shouldn't put yourself thru this tortorous agony. This 23 yr old isn't going to last very long. You don't have anything to worry about. What I would suggest is for you to get your life together. Be independent and secure yourself for yourself. Then you get to decide if you want to even take him back. It's not that easy trying to work things out long distance. You sound like you're afraid to lose him when he should be afraid to lose you. Do you really want t to take him back the way he is right now??? you can't change him, he has to want to change himself and the way it sounds, he's not ready to settle down anytime soon. Walk away and move on with your life. Don't give him the upper hand.
2007-12-02 05:32:30 · answer #7 · answered by 2cardinals 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's younger, makes him feel more alive, and gives him that exciting lifestyle most men are longing for. He is a middle-aged man, and he feels like a younger girl can make him feel young again. Maybe even at 36 he's still afraid of taking on his responsibilites as a father, and growing old.
The 23 year old is just a younger girl who knows nothing, and she is simply attracted to older men, and is looking for a fling. She's not looking to the future of their relationship, and at the moment she isn't worried about his financial or marital status, and the fact that you are long-distance isn't helping at all either.
Come on, no one is around, of course his eyes are going to wander, his words of his so-called love, are only coming out of his mouth because you are the mother of his children. It sounds like he is confused and he doesn't know what he wants at the moment.
Possible options...
-Make him realize what he is missing.
-Find out what he REALLY wants.
-Find someone else.
2007-12-02 02:59:11 · answer #8 · answered by false.pretense 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi There, i agree with your state. You would be in that state bcos your guy has a problem. Try to bcome independent on your own. Take a good job which will let you run your and kids expenses. B away from him as far as you can. forget that chapter of your life. What are your hobbies? Open to talk in private.
tom
bh37bh37@yahoo.com
2007-12-02 03:49:06 · answer #9 · answered by bh37bh37 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it seems he has found someone who likes to party like he does. Is it love or is he in love with the fact that he has this gal to play with? That sounds more like it to me. First she has no kids, so when he's with her, there is no kids to have to make provisions for, so they can do as they please. From her standpoint, you said you were in differant states, so there will be no pressure there... How often will he see his kids? most likely not enough for it to be a burdon on her... Weekends were made for Michelob... so that's what is on thier minds... Everything else is out of sight.... out of mind!
2007-12-02 02:37:33 · answer #10 · answered by damond h 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋