how do i teach my boyfriend that his bad behaviour is not caused by ME?

Question

he has a scary bad temper (can be aggressive). his explanation is always that it's ME who makes him behave that way by winding him up. he says he wants to change. but he can't seem to understand that ANOTHER PERSON can not "cause" a person to have tantrums,
what can i do or say to show him that it's HIS choice of behaviour, not mine
please don't tell me to "end it". that's the usual answer people tend to give. i want to give him the opportunity to change first
.i am looking for some help in getting him to see the situation differently

Answer 1

Educate him by making a joke out of it:
*When you drop a plate in the kitchen, shout towards the room, where his is: "You made me do this."
* Say regularly and jokingly: "All my problems are because of you!", when having a problem, he is clearly not responsible for.
(This is "a running gag" between me and my partner.Stays funny over the years.)

Answer 2

Just get out of that relationship - now!
If you want to be a Social Worker, then go and get trained.
I suppose he will blame for you for putting your head in the way, when he takes your teeth out? Until his testosterone levels drop (say around 55 years) he will be governed by them and so will his aggression. He will only be able to change if he wants it, and then with some people the "lash out" syndrome is always smouldering just below the surface.

Believe me I've worked with aggressive people - I've had a knife pulled on me and I've had my nose broken; I had a colleague who was killed. Have you ever seen a woman who had been knocked about by the so-called man, in her life? It is not pretty.

What do your family say? I'm sure I would be very concerned if I thought my daughter was putting herself in your position because she felt the need to reform someone.

Answer 3

Your question is not psychologically reasonable. He has anger management issues that have nothing to do with you. As he gets older he has a great potential to become dangerous to a mate and/or any children he may have. Even if he agrees to seek help there is no guarantee that he will make a lasting recovery..........and it will take years. There is no quick fix. It sounds to me as if you may be pretty young. I've been there, done that. This boy is not relationship material. He shouldn't have a girlfriend. There are lots of emotionally healthy guys out there. Trust me, you will regret it later if you don't make a change. There is nothing you personally can do to make a change in him. It's not going to happen. You are unrealistic. Period.

Answer 4

unlikely, the kitten might have began exhibiting indications quite a few months ahead of now. If it had rabies earlier you accompanied it, it would have started exhibiting indications interior a million-3 months(there's a 2-12 week incubation era.) despite the fact that, in uncommon situations, that incubation era may well be as much as 4 years. some indications of rabies incorporate: -Yowling, biting issues interior the domicile -Violent strikes/inflicting self-harm -Tongue stands proud in part -Uncoordinated -weak spot interior the legs -Shyness, Aggression -"Foaming" by using lack of ability to swallow saliva After exhibiting the indicators, the cat might have died interior some days. So there's a narrow threat, yet unlikely. The cat is lively and ingesting, I heavily doubt it has rabies. Cats now and lower back chew while they're distressed- it in all likelihood hates water. you do not could wash it because of the fact it cleans itself- that's what the entire "licking" deal is.

Answer 5

You can have a 'scary temper' too. Let him see what it's like and then explain the situation to him. Maybe he will see reasons. But don't be aggressive like him, he might be aggresive back to you. Just ignore him if he did something 'wrong', even as minor as forgetting to close the toilet seat, ha ha.
Good day to you!

Answer 6

This is just 2 steps away from beating you. The next step is to threaten you and when you think things are nice and cosy one day when he lets go it will be you that will get a punch or smack. The process escalates from there. Tell him that if he ever loses his temper at you or in front of you that you will walk away and leave him to it. Mean what you say and he just might get the message. I repeat though, be very very wary of him.

Answer 7

you will never get him to see its his problem and although you don't really want to give him the heave ho you really need to before its to late his temper will only get worse the aggressive behaviour will only get worse if you stay you will be a victim for all your life sounds dramatic its not its true it will hurt but you need to get away now lick your wounds and after a while you will feel stronger and see the situation for what it was and not the love you think it is now however real it seems good luck

Answer 8

Sounds like you are already trying to talk to him and that's all you can do. On the other hand he can do something! Find your local ME group, there will be one and he should find it himself but I suspect he won't. Take him along, he probably won't go alone, to one of their meetings. As you said another person cannot 'cause' his behaviour, at the same time another person cannot control his behaviour! If he won't do anything about it you can't. That's probably why people have told you to 'end it', he sounds like he couldn't care less what he is doing to you just thinks about what you are 'doing' to him!
Just read that back and it sounds harsh, I don't mean it do be but please think about it!

Answer 9

First question...do you REALLY believe he WILL change?
Of you do...then ask him if he ever reacts that way around others. Ask his parents too, if he behaved that way when he was a kid. He might just be a spoiled selfcentred brat inside. Is he ever considerate? Or is it just tantrums when he can't get his own way?
Go to Jiu Jitsu classes, so if he does start on you you can give out as good as you get.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, your BF has some serious issues, he is unlikely to change long term, even getting him to change short term will be a monumental challenge, I'm afraid that unless you wish to become his own personal punchbag then you really do have to leave him..
Aggressiveness without discipline is really dangerous, he is beyond anyone else's help, its only him that can change it, he will NEVER change unless you leave, as this course of action MIGHT shock him into change, but it is VERY UNLIKELY that he ever will....