i'm facing a hard time in marriage now.. how can i defend myself and not crying in front of him(my hubby) and make him realise of what he did to our marriage.. he always choose his parents over me and i feel like useless.. for all 7 years of sacrifices that i did for my love to him seems nothing to him..
2007-12-02 01:11:37 · 6 answers · asked by NEILISA **Shane's Mama** 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i tried to communicate and discuss this things with him but he seems like want to run away from this matter and then get upset and go to his parents home..
2007-12-02 01:15:09 · update #1
Honey,I've been married for over 30 years and I can tell you one thing.When a man runs away and doesn't want to discuss your feelings on something.It's because he knows you are right,and he doesn't want to face the truth.
You have to be strong and try to control your tears.I know it's hard to do when you feel alone in the matter,but you have to find the strength to push those tears back.He has to know you are dead serious in how you are feeling.
I like to play "Role Reversal" with my hubby.By letting him be me and see how he would feel with the shoe on the other foot.Works for me..Good luck with hubby..
2007-12-02 01:32:03 · answer #1 · answered by ladybug 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as though he hasn't cut his apron strings. Him getting upset and running away is his way of avoiding the issue. Defending yourself? Time to let him know how you're feeling about this issue is best done at a time outside of conflict or decision making. Perhaps you can make a time with him to talk about it. Remembering that ultimatums are usually met with resentment and rejection. You are feeling worthless as you have invested so much into the relationship and don't feel there is any dedication or loyalty toward you. It means a great deal to you and betrayal is a very degrading experience. Sounds like there is a communication barrier, a frustrating wall shutting down a chance of movement. These are all things that are obviously adding to your feelings of frustration. Relationship counseling may be one way of having clear communication a third party not emotionally attached. Parents have a way of maintaining a union usually for their own needs, "to be needed or wanted". having a purpose. It can feel like your partner needs to grow for your relationship to grow and flourish. Plan what you want to say, talk about your needs being met in the relationship, avoid talking about his parents and if he brings them in let him know it's not really about them and is about you and your relationship with him. I'm sure he has needs and wants, possibly breaking the ice with what these may be. When your feelings become intense remember it's not just what's happening now, it's fueled by all of the negative experiences you have had around this one issue that rushes forward. The only thing we can change is ourselves. Finding ways in the short term to help you feel better about you, make some time and do something you love to do. Take care of you first and then it may become clearer. You're worth it. Take care.
2007-12-02 10:21:40 · answer #2 · answered by Rick L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ah Nel we've talked about this before. It's funny that someone else on the other side of the globe is going through the same thing. I've seen the answers on here and they all look great but why do these damn men feel the need to have their family involved in their affairs?
I know my husband's family is very controlling of everything that the whole FAMILY does it's very crazy
Email if ya wanna talk more.
Love,
Amy
2007-12-03 10:26:14 · answer #3 · answered by mochastuff81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is some good news here...At least you are trying to
communicate...Crying is not a bad thing. It shows an
emotional investment in the situation...It shows you care...
Honestly, you seem really young and the core issues are
vague. I want to address the problem of your feeling useless
and unappreciated. You feel this way, your husband does not
make you feel anything...Please consider getting some help
with your feelings of self-worth...You need to realize that you
are a vital, important part of this marriage.
2007-12-02 09:51:30 · answer #4 · answered by Lou L 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
start going places with your family all the time don't push him because blood is thicker than water and he will keep running back to them. make him feel how you are feeling and he may come around spend holidays with your family not his he will eventually miss those times together but don't let on that your doing it to make him feel that way just do it. he has an attachment with his family that is not healthy but if he truelly loves you and you leave him be he will eventually feel the way you do. if he comes around try spending holidays home just the two of you plan something special that is unlike both of your families start new traditions and make them special to fit both of you.
2007-12-02 09:24:44 · answer #5 · answered by inloveinTN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i hv a quick 1
never get involved!!!
2007-12-02 14:48:29 · answer #6 · answered by Jack(Adidas) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋