Why do we concentrate on faults or mistakes or the bad things?

Question

Good things outweigh bad things a million times over but we always remember mistakes or the bad things we do or say.
Anyone know why?

Answer 1

i dont know. my hubby does that a lot and I'm forever having a go at him. my house has just been decorated and was in a mess, i tidied it top to bottom and all he could say when he came home was 'i see you haven't washed my shirts! i could have killed him. he never picks up on things i have done, only things i have forgot or not yet had time to do (i have 3 young kids as well)

Answer 2

I do wonder about this, because it's a characteristic of my personality to be this way, and I know this comes from my conditioning growing up. My father was overly critical and thus I have a tendency to be overly critical with myself and others. Having knowledge of my conditioning, helps me to go beyond being like that. Yet also I still have difficulty today because of my acquired perfectionist way to counter-act that conditioning, in that I hold myself back from taking risks and going into unknown fields. Often i see that I'm afraid of making a mistake or of being at fault or of not doing things perfect, and then the result is that I don't try something. I put it off, thinking: I'll wait until I have the perfect answer, then the result is I don't do anything about a situation that's bothering me.

Casper's answer gives me an insight because I see there can be these two reasons why we do this, the first from our conditioning and the second when we have unresolved questions. Common to both of these reasons, is that there is a 'held tension' and I know that the one that creates this tension is the one holding it and it is me. It seems then a practical advise for myself, is to find out what I love to do and then just do it and drop my expectations about the outcome. The more I can pull myself into doing and action the more I can drop all these judgements and heavy reliance upon my mind. From the enneagram, I came to realize that part of my personality type of being a perfectionist, is that one has a tendency to rely on one's mental judgment more than other kinds of personality types. In this I know I'm challenged.

It is also a reminder that when I have unresolved questions, those things that keep repeating, then this gives me a clue about where to start, to let go of the stress I'm holding by doing something about it. For me it seems like the most important thing to remember is that I simply don't know, and I will keep making mistakes.

Betsy

Answer 3

I think it is due to conditioning. In society, if you look at the media's influence, you can see that we are taught to be pessimistic. Good things are rarely reported in the news, we are overexposed to bad news which is very depressing. The media also promotes a 'certain ideal image' that most of us will never obtain so again, we focus on what we haven't got rather than what we have. Peer pressure also has an influence on the way we think. Bitchiness is everywhere and again, it focuses on the negative.

It could be a self defence mechanism - instead of admitting our own faults we find it easier to point out others faults. We all have flaws yet we are taught that it is a weakness to observe them.

The solution? Possibly to be realistic. Always be aware that there are negative and positive things in every situation, sometimes the latter isn't so apparent but it is still there. Life is about balance.

Answer 4

Good things don't cause pain. If I have to tell you what I did this morning, I struggle to remember because it was all good. Nobody wants to hear about my nice lunch, the good sermon at the church, the nice sunshine and that plain old boring Sunday afternoon of doing nothing. I struggle to remember even half of the good things that happened today.

But an event that causes pain and turmoil is remembered and sticks in your memory for a long time. Enough pain will stick in your subconscious for a very long time. Some people that have been bitten by spiders suffer from a phobia that cannot be effectively treated due to the memory of the pain caused by a spider bite.

When you and your husband/wife had an argument this morning about who is to take the garbage out, and your partner brought up the issue of you arriving home late one evening, three weeks ago, it is because of the pain and emotional stress that event caused them - that is why it is foremost on their minds and why they bring it up again - to communicate to you how much pain it caused them.

We also remember unresolved questions. Events of which you don't know the outcome or where tension exists. If I had to say "the cat sits on the mat" you will forget it, but if I were to say "the cat sits on the dog's mat" you will still be thinking about it tomorrow since I have created tension through an unresolved question or situation.

Answer 5

I took a course called The Psychology of Excellence. It was all about improving yourself, based on your own abilities, etc. One of our projects was to find an area in our life we wanted to improve and using the techniques of self-monitoring, goal setting, and behavioral change that the course had taught us to actually work on changing it. Since taking the course, my apartment has been so much cleaner and organized, I am now exercising regularly, and I am taking better care of myself. I think it is very important to self-monitor or analyze behavior and see where your life can be improved. A lot of people just get down on themselves or feel that their life is bad but they don't actually try to improve anything or take responsibility for their behavior and actions. This course I took was awesome because it really verbalized and presented ideas that I maybe had a grasp on but didn't know completely yet. I don't know if I agree with your statement that the person who tries to limit his mistakes attains wisdom. People make mistakes. The important part is reflecting upon those mistakes and improving yourself so that you can avoid those same mistakes. But a lot of people who try to limit their mistakes just end up not trying new stuff or using it is as an excuse to not do something. Learning from mistakes is one key to success and I don't think people should be afraid of mistakes.

Answer 6

Call it natural sense for improvement. Darwin would call it evolution. There is so many good things out there, but we also concentrate on improving them. Like there was nothing wrong with the video, until DVD got here! Now we all see it differently.
There was nothing wrong with your first sex at the time. Today you will do it differently.
Natural sense for improvement, I call it.

Answer 7

Peolple often remember more mistakes and bad experience because it hurted, shocked or surprised them. It's sad because everyone makes mistakes and we can't always control our actions in some situations.

Answer 8

It's so we can learn from them and not repeat them. Good things we want to happen, but bad things we hope to avoid, especially if they are our own stupid fault. If they bother us badly enough, we will take measures to rectify them and apologize to those we've hurt. That's the only way to let them go.

Answer 9

We don't learn by getting things correct. We learn by getting things wrong, we look for faults instinctively, we need to learn to look for good things, then we can point out the errors. Hopefully that is of some use.

Answer 10

if we didnt remember the bad things in life we would keep on repeating them . it is a built in safety devise so we can progress in life ,also the unusual things that happen to us have more impact because the are not the norm .thats why we focus on errors or bad things .