should a wife take back the unremorseful erring husband ?

Question

back in 2004, a 54 years old father of 3 decided to have a romantic relationship with an escort who was 25 years old. the proposal given by the escort (commercial sex worker) was a scholarship to a nursing course, an apartment, a generous allowance and intermittent sex service. she strongly encouraged the man not to leave the family as she did not like to destroy a marriage ! ?
the wife did not agree to the proposition, and when things went rough she brought the case to court. she demanded an allowance for the kids and asked the court to protect her and the kids from violence of all forms.
the court decided in favor of the wife and kids but instead the husband elevated the case to the appelate court.
a few months later, while waiting for the desicion of the appelate court, the man had a mild stroke, his business crashed and wanted to return to the wife and kids.

it was exactly 3 years after he took off with the escort when he asked to be taken back by his family.

Answer 1

I don't like to admit that Ann Landers was ever right, but she urged women to ask themselves one vital question: Am I better off with him or without him?

In these circumstances, the man had to be forced by the court to pay support and to ensure he would not act violently toward his wife and kids. He appealed that decision.

Now that his health and finances are in shambles, his escort friend is no longer interested in him (amazing!) and he wants to be taken back, and taken care of. He is, according to the question, unremorseful.

I see no reason at all to take him back. None whatsoever. This is a guy who deserves to live in the situation in which he placed himself.

Every woman deserves a better relationship, if she wants one at all.

Answer 2

Madam....'unremorseful' sums it up. I would have to say 'no'. These situations are the ones that no philander ever takes into consideration. Actually never takes health and who'll help care for you until it's too late is what I mean.
So...let him deal with this on his own unless you have a change of heart and feel that its the proper thing to do. However, being a woman of education and acadamia (and swell taste in music I may add) I suspect after the down and dirty court battle and everything you went through I don't forsee you going that route.
Truly sorry for what looks to be a real quagmire. I think you're better off without him.

Answer 3

This is a tough one, and I,ll have to say that If I were the wife, and I were to take this man back into my life, Id have to take a good look in the mirror and ask myself, can I swallow my pride and not care what anyone else says, as you know how people gossip.? At the end of the day it comes down to does she respect him still? If so, she may be able to get past this situation and actually have a better marriage, its also about attitude, if she welcomes him back with bitterness it will never work, she has to be willing to forgive, no matter what she should forgive, even if she doesnt take him back, as forgiving a person means going forward and leaving the ugliness behind you. I think they could work it out, if she the wife still can respect, trust, and love her husband with unconditional love.

Answer 4

Sounds like karma has given this man a dose of reality. The wife's willingness to forgive him and help him will depend upon the amount of pain he caused her during all of the events that occured. He did not have a commitment to her or their marriage when he was having the paid affair with the escort, she doesnt owe him anything. Did they divorce or just seperate? If they are divorced, refusing help would not only be acceptable but understood. If they are still legally married, some may argue, she should stick to her vow to love him in both sickness and health, despite what he may have done. Personally, I would leave it up to the children to help their father.

Answer 5

The wife should accept the man.

Remember the phrase "for better or for worse"? What the wife had promised her husband the day they wed is beyond any infidelity of the husband. Just because her husband (the man SHE MARRIED, the man SHE CHOSE to marry) turned out to be a dope doesn't mean she should break her promises and her dignity.

Remember the story of the prodigal son? When the son came back to the father and the father accepted him, the son broke into tears and became loyal forever.

By accepting her husband back, in my opinion, she would be able to change him deeply. Imagine yourself doing something very very unspeakable, and be forgiven. Wouldn't that be enough to overwhelm you enough to change you?

The husband's an old man. People are most liable to repentance in maturity.

Answer 6

No Way!! Let the 25 year old take care of him.He wouldn't even give the wife a second look if it wasn't for his bad health and losing his money.
She should think of how she felt when he threw her over for a younger woman.He's only thinking of himself.
Bet the 25 year old threw him out too.She should get on with her life and leave him in the past .If she allows him to come back,then she will always wonder if he wants "Her" or is he just using her,which he is!!!

Answer 7

wow - what a mess. It seems this would strongly depend upon the woman's feeling about living with no regrets and her ability to live with her decision. I do have a question. Is the husband capable of violence toward her and/or the kids? If so, I would be VERY cautious about taking him back. And if it EVER happened again, to get rid of him for good. period. Were they living apart when he had his stroke? (I am assuming yes) If so, she has no obligation toward him. She does not need to be his nursemaid and provider now that he is incapacitated. I liked the comment 'he made his bed, now he can lie in it."

Answer 8

The husband is unremorseful? There is your answer. He needs a caregiver, and the young woman is smart enough not to get tied down with him especially since his business crashed. Even with a mild stroke, he can make full recovery and will be back in action before you know it.It is obvious, he is just using his wife and has not seen the errs of his way.

Answer 9

I would not take him back. He only wanted you and the children back when he was faced with his own mortality. He's a foolish man that is willing to throw away a family just to have sex with a woman that doesn't really care about him. Not someone I would want in my life. Just cause he is having poor health, doesn't mean he is going to be any better to you than he was before.

Answer 10

Was he spending time with the 25 year old escort because you were sexually overwhelming him and he needed to slow down?

In your unquestionable perfection YES of course you should kick him to the curb and do not look back.

Someday you too may falter in your perfection... And I will be here again to say kick 'em to the curb... Or I may say something that will make you think twice.