*****
Midnight
Two silly gooses
Honking their love songs
Keep me awake
With their trumpeting air
Moon out my window
With Petrograd magpie
Light as a feather
With lunatic flair
Out of my window
Sprinkling bread crumbs
So they will sing
Serenades uncompared
All of my lifetime
The muses delighted
Bringing me riddles
And notes for my prayers
Now, I must leave them
So others may follow
To the end of the journey
They have prepared
*****
2007-12-01 23:52:17 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Looks like i'm one of the silly gooses honking our love songs...
But i'm in love with all your poems too! And of course this particular one too! =)
2007-12-02 00:07:17 · answer #1 · answered by Dark Dickinsonian 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing silly about it at all. The meter holds true for each stanza. It has a bouncy flair. The last word of each stanza rhymes with the last word of the rest of the stanzas. COFFEE!!! (That's what I need right now) It would seem the birds are your muses, singing their wisdom and wise song.
I absolutely loved "Moon out my window"...maybe begin each stanza with that phrase. It is delightful, has a mystery to it, and would add more consistency.
It doesn't strike me that you're in your bedroom or even house in this one. There are many windows on the world. Looking back through life, maybe? The last two stanzas are particularly striking. You are using metaphors for something much deeper in this one, and you have succeeded well!
Out of my window is another one you could use at the beginning of each stanza.
All in all...excellent!!! Excellent!! Forgot to add, 5 syllables for each line might detract if the proper words aren't there, but 5 syllables and the last line being 6 maybe? Coffee!!!
Elysabeth Faslund...Poemhunter.com
2007-12-02 01:10:47 · answer #2 · answered by Elysabeth 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Those notes the muses bring you sing to the soul. A canvas and a chorus together! I may cry for joy.
2007-12-02 00:51:08 · answer #3 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stop that mooning out of the window and concentrate on civilised stuff instead.
2007-12-02 07:22:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOVELY! Coffee and good reading! What a combination!
.....Make one about shoveling ****in' snow! :-)
2007-12-02 01:33:33 · answer #5 · answered by Reenie: Mom of Marine 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
indeed!
2007-12-02 00:00:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋