Kindly edit / improve my Petrarchan Sonnet..?

Question

-------I still have no title-----------
----My rhyme scheme is abba abba cdcdee---
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The brilliant colors which runs through my life,
Plus obstacles that make me really fret,
Makes me reflect, should I thank or regret?
What God has given me, be it a strife.

Dearest God, in my life, You made a knife,
In my stormy journey, I ought to get
Peace, serenity, but these can't be set,
For You made me a challenge, ?????

Rocks and stones do not grind me into dust
It polishes and turns me to a gem
The years I've lived, I did my best, it is a must
To show gratitude to God, unlike them.
That one day, I'll sparkle, it is God's plan
I already know, for I am a man.

by: Daryl Jay Eborda, Cebu City, Philippines

-----Please edit the last line on the second stanza. Also, the I admit my sonnet's really ugly...So kindly edit some parts for me...------

Please edit...huhuhuhuhu..

Answer 1

Don't worry about the rhyme scheme in your final six lines. Some people will tell you that cdecde or cdccdc are the only acceptable patterns in the sestet of a Petrarchan sonnet, but there are many, many examples of good sonnets that use other rhyme schemes. Keats, in "On First Looking into Chapman's Homer," goes with cdcdcd. I've read sonnets that use ccddee or cddcee or some other pattern. You're OK on that score.

In your octave, you've set yourself a difficult task by requiring yourself to find rhymes for "life. The only ones I can think of offhand that you haven't used are "fife," "rife," and "wife." If you can't fit any of those into your poem, you might want to consider using what poets call "slant rhyme" or "off rhyme" or "near rhyme." Look for words that have the long "i" sound of "life" or the final "f" sound, but not both. A few examples:

time, right, light, vice, side, five

cliff, stiff, tough, off

Some purists object to mixing slant rhyme with true rhyme, but a lot of good poets do it.

There are some grammatical problems in your poem. For example, "runs" in line 1 and "Makes" in line 3 should be "run" and "Make." "It" in line 10 should be "They."

And your meter is inconsistent. Your first four lines are in iambic pentameter, so read them aloud a few times and listen to the rhythm, then see what you can do about tinkering with some of your other lines to give them the same rhythm. The meter is fine in line 10, and you can fix line 14 just by reversing the order of two words: "I know already, for I am a man." But your other lines need some adjustments.

Answer 2

First, you should edit your rhyme scheme in the sestet. You have used a Shakesperean rhyme scheme when you should be using a Petrarchan one. Wikipedia has more on this. Also, use a pentameter for the rhythm. When you do this, it will flow more easily.