Okay, I know they're not strictly 5-7-5. I was trying to capture a moment in three short lines.
Cirrus evening pink
Blushes the beach
Your lips on mine
Cat feigns disinterest
Inscrutable passing
Tickles my leg
Office two pm
Wishing I was home
Then, an email of love
2007-12-01 21:50:53 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It's fairly common for contemporary haiku to deal with urban/technological subjects rather than with the natural world. Some people insist that it's not a real haiku unless some aspect of nature is the subject, but not everyone agrees.
For me, the second of your three poems is the least successful, since it doesn't just observe a moment, but imposes the observer's interpretation. The third line is a simple observation, but the first line tells us the cat's attitude or intention rather than elegantly showing us some feline action that reveals what the cat might be thinking. And the second line characterizes the cat's action, tells us what to make of it, in a way that seems to me incompatible with the spirit and style of the best haiku.
2007-12-02 02:23:00 · answer #1 · answered by classmate 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haikus generally deal with nature, and though the office section makes sense, it doesn't exactly correspond with the feel of the rest of the poem.
2007-12-02 05:58:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The third one has no business being there
2007-12-02 05:53:55 · answer #3 · answered by Chara Pointshot 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OMG! Your in love? Yay!
2007-12-02 14:05:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋