..W/SINGLE guys I barely know. 1st time he did this he knew I was upset & he came home early & told me he never wanted to go anywhere w/o me. A wk later, he changed his mind & said that was how he felt at the time. Sometimes he doesn't come home at all from work/school. One time he didn't come home until 11AM the next day. I tell him how much it hurts, but all he says is "It's not my fault you have shitty friends", implying that they don't ask me out. Last night he left we were angry & he came back an hr later & apologized & said he was proud I was his wife then left again. I was ok w/that. Tonight he left w/o a word. He got dressed saw I was upset & left anyway. He's about 20 minutes away from many strip-clubs & I don't like them when we go & I fear he goes w/friends. He likes to brag how he can get any girl so that REALLY worries me. Is there some way I can make him not WANT to go places w/o me? Sometimes w/o me is fine but this is too much.
2007-12-01 19:02:21 · 15 answers · asked by stackhouse 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've tried nagging him after, and he gets angry. I've tried ignoring it, not talking about it, but neither way seems to work. I love him so much, but IDK what to do.
2007-12-01 19:03:48 · update #1
I tell him I'd like to go w/him, but he says it's just guys, no one would have their gfs with them.
2007-12-01 19:13:37 · update #2
You've married a womanizer & they never change. Get out now before you invest more time in this loser. No one deserves to be treated the way he is treating you. Next time, please date someone who is loving & trustworthy. I'm sure your husband gave you signs of his future behavior -- watch out & don't get involved with someone like him again.
2007-12-01 19:09:31 · answer #1 · answered by Judith 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This guy is just being selfish and immature. He knows he can get away with it and bully/intimidate you with anger if you say anything.
I'm a musician and did a similar thing with my long-time gal. At this point, I'm not going to stop what I'm doing. Even if she left, it would probably take some time to figure out if I lost something or not. I can't help thinking the grass is greener on the other side. I guess it's true, some of us guys are just not husband material. The really selfish ones will keep you stringing along so they can have their cake and eat it too.
It is not cool your hubby goes out like that and comes home that late. No offense lady, but you're a doormat and you write like it's ok. A feminist would walk out. If he don't come and sincerely change his ways, she'd get a separation. If that doesn't do it, get the marriage annulled.
This early in marriage is bad sign! You deserve better! Imagine 5-10 years down the line or if there were kids involved, horrible, horrible, horrible!
Find a good guy at church or group meditation! This is a boy who is immature, selfish, and just wants to play.
You've been warned! Get prepared to stand up for yourself and follow through!
2007-12-01 20:33:42 · answer #2 · answered by Jack Bent 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, Serial Saruh, I think his behaviors are rather common in a young, just-married man.
You see, he wanted to get married,be an adult, live under his own authority.
He now percieves himself as an adult male.
His interactions with his friends change. He is now the older, wiser married man. And it feels good to have your opinion hold some weight. Finally.
What you are battling is almost a compulsion in him.
And it is causing him some conflict. Because you object and he apparently does value your opinion.
Just let it slide, dear. Let him enjoy his moment. Sooner or later more of his friends will be married ...and there won't be such a conflict.
I wouldn't assume he has an interest in other women. I think this is an ego thing. And it happens a lot just after the wedding.
Entertain yourself while he is out, do the things you like to do that he is not so much into.
When he takes off, say, "Hey hon, I'll meet you in our room.....midnight...." and wink at him. Then be true to your word and meet him there, bathed, dressed "comfortably", and with a little What For in your attitude.
There will always be outside elements. You create what goes on Inside your home.
He'll be ok. He's just experiencing a male Ego moment. Let him have it.
I wish you luck, SS..
And God bless you and yours.
2007-12-01 21:17:45 · answer #3 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't trust this man! He stays out all night, won't let you come with him, goes out 2-3 times a week with people you hardly know, and you are newly married. Then he tells you off for his bad behavior? Get real. He's acting like he's still single (or wants to be) and you are putting up with it.
If you want your marriage to work, you have to tell him the whole truth - that he is hurting you, and your relationship. If he still carries on you have your answer - that he just doesn't care!
Check the Bank/Credit Card statements, if there's motel bills, resturants, etc., on there you have your answer - he's having an affair.
2007-12-01 19:23:43 · answer #4 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Options:
Annulment before you get pregnant or a disease from him. You cannot make him love you.
He is being selfish and immature.
Counseling, but I don't think he wants this to work.
You could try telling him: the party's over! He either stays home with you or don't bother to come back.
Invite your minister over to see what's going on (the one who just married you)
I'd really be tempted to change the locks when he's gone and put his clothes on the porch.
You could also, try social pressure - tell his Mom and sister. Maybe Mom will help straighten him out.
When what he says doesn't match what he does, then it's what he does that counts because words are cheap...
So sorry...
Joy to you!
2007-12-01 19:15:52 · answer #5 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with your husband and tell him again, how much it hurts you when he is gone, that you miss him. Then the next time he goes out, ask if you can go with him. If you have kids, try to arrange a babysitter ahead of time. Maybe he is just partying with friends, and if he is really proud that you are his wife, he won't mind showing you off to them. But if you keep asking to go with him and he keeps making excuses and blowing you off, then perhaps you should consider counseling or the possibility that he might not be spending his time the way he tells you he is.
2007-12-01 19:14:50 · answer #6 · answered by gravychain 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is no way for him to treat you. If i went through that it would be bye bye out the door. And strip clubs that is a form of betrayal. Im not sure if you think it is or not. But, if he can go to these clubs who knows what else he is doing behind your back. Makes a person wonder and that causes trust issues. Without trust what do you two have?
2007-12-01 19:14:40 · answer #7 · answered by Momof1 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
im sorry but he is cheating or going to strip clubs and spending bolth ur money on getting grinded on. but you seem like a good loyal woman and im sorry but u married a looser threaten to leave him see what happenes and if your marrige is like this now how will u last forever i say get out when u can he has no respect for you and he has no love for you just remember real love dosent go 1 way
2007-12-01 19:11:04 · answer #8 · answered by surf 4 life 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dumb gurl !!! do what he does but do it better go out with anybody just to piss him off first if its just to go stay with a cousin , friend , family dont leave evidence of your car parked in their yards either dont call him either stay out for 2 days and dont call or text make him start wondering and if hes cheating you damn sure dont want hiv, herpes, or any thing else for that matter its better to teach a lesson than to tell it by nagging or politley asking him to stay at home if he loves you he will find a new set of friends get out is what it sounds like you should do men dont hang out in the streets when they love what they got at home some of them sounds like you got yourself one of the ones who wants what they want when they want it and trust me he was definetly with a somebody that day he didnt come home til 11 the next damn day do you need to see it to believe it???
2007-12-01 19:33:57 · answer #9 · answered by lalisalaloca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty obvious he's sleeping with other women, don't you think? Did you ask who's bed he was in the night he came home the next day at noon?
2007-12-02 00:25:46 · answer #10 · answered by Sondra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋