should i stay w/him?

Question

my husband and i got into an argument yesturday. He said he was sorry i brought up divorce and he gave me a kiss and said that is the best thing. in the morning he gave me a kiss. We cooked breakfast together and raked the leafs outside he hugged me and said he was my husband and he wasnt going to be my friend he would stay my husband, so he went to work i didnt call like always and he didnt call neither at about 30 min after he got out i called and he was at a friends house i got mad and he said well i thought were done. hes the one hugging me and telling me he loves me so why does he not come home? why does he not answer his phone? am confused hes called me a witch, hes called me a ***** in front of my kids, and other curse words, hes hit me 3 times before I really want to try but it hurts not to feel like our marriage is forever, and it hurts when he dosent come home he goes drinks w/friends and i never go out w/ out our kids.

Answer 1

He has neglected you. He has played with your mind. Your children have seen/heard him call you a *****. He has hit you. Do you really want to stick around to find out what more he will do?
Want to do more than just leave him? Does he like guns? File domestic abuse charges against him while you're leaving. He won't ever be able to buy a gun again.

Answer 2

No one has the right to hit anyone else, even if they are sorry! That is 100% unacceptable. He obviously doesn't seem to be happy either. Leave him and take the kids. The court system will deal with custody if you two cannot agree on who gets what visitation rights. But if either of you loose it and seriously kill the other (which we have seen very much lately) your children will suffer. They probably already are, you two just don't see it since you guys are wrapped up in your misery.

Answer 3

There's a lot more going on in this relationship than presents itself to you. I would recommend attending Al-Anon meetings on a regular basis as a good start. It only takes a hour a week. People are very accepting. They're not prying. They'll glad to share their lives. They'll glad to share what they've learned. They are glad to listen if you feel you want to share. They have excellent literature that is a combination of the experiences of many women you have found themselves in the position you find yourself in now. They know your pain. They will share what they have found that works for them. They are not dogmatic. The won't make you commit to some creed. There are no dues. It could be the best move you ever make for yourself. I know it was for me.

http://www.al-anonfamilygroups.org/meetings/meeting.html

You may very well find a contact number in the blue pages of your local yellow pages that could get you a listing of the Al-Anon meetings in your area.

Answer 4

Sounds like you need to move on, its best for you and your kids, especially if he is hitting and cursing you in front of the kids, I wish you the best but you need to get out while you can and know that whenever a man keeps doing the same things, its because you have allowed them to.

Answer 5

You obviously love your husband very much, but this is a very difficult situation. The question it sounds like you are asking us is, not if you are going to leave him, but rather when you are going to leave him. The only way I believe you can understand your situation the best before making any difficult decisions is to get outside, unbiased help from a professional. Go to marriage counsiling. It's worth the money, and if he won't go, then go by yourself.

Answer 6

This is normal....its the milder end of marital feuding.However it is upseting you a lot.He is feeling hounded because, as a woman you need constant reassurance of his love for you, he gets tired of having to live up to that expecation after being married for a while.In turn you could try turning it around, I might be hard, but you tell him that you love him, etc.....reassure him, he might feel a little guilty and realise that he has been neglecting you...do you show him little affection like this from day to day (not talking about sex here thats a different matter)...sometimes we can be so wrapped up in ourselves we forget about our partners...and they sense this?....He might feel like you are checking up on him when you ring, again he might feel hounded...thats why he does not come home or answer his phone I know this sounds daft but this is what it seems like to me, however he should NEVER call you names in front of your children that is out of order.He should be told about this sternly by someone, maybe his own mother, because one day your children will say something to him and it will shock him.

Answer 7

You guys lack communication. He told you this morning you guys were going to stay together, when you didn't call him, he assumed you didn't want things to work so he felt they were over. Now you are mad because you feel like he sent mixed signals when he was only reacting to yours.

Either way, you need to leave a man who disrespects you infront of your kids and has hit you.

Answer 8

Ok, he is playing games with you. He acts one way towards you and then another? And he hits you. Be glad he is gone. Pack his stuff up leave it outside the door and don't let him back in. It may be hard to do but in the end you'll be glad he didn't come home. You don't need to be treated like that! Stand up for yourself to him.

Answer 9

Some men are never meant to be husbands or fathers.

Answer 10

take your children and run, while he is gone. physical and mental abuse is enough reason to file for a divorce. dont stay and let him tear down your self esteem. your children will suffer the most if you stay!