Ok, so I have been having a hard time with my husband...If you read any of my past entries, I have had problems with him abusing cold pills and alcohol and smoking weed while in the Army. He left for NCO school so I took this opportunity to fly home. Since I have been home with my family things are so much smoother, I have help with the baby, and for the moment my stress level has lowered. I have to go back in a week and it is seriously going to kill me because I am going back to loneliness. I'm not the type of girl that feels that she cant survive without my family, so dont get the wrong idea. Its just that even though my husband tells me that he will do better, I am just tired of dealing with all of it. When I go back home, how do I cope with the stress? Honestly I dont wanna go back but I guess have to because...uh..he's my husband. I'm just so confused..someone tell me what to do.
2007-12-01 18:14:09 · 12 answers · asked by Indian beauty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to let everyone know, talking hasnt worked so far, I am going on his word, hoping that maybe because he is in the NCO school, maybe something will whip him into shape and things can get back to normal, is that hoping for too much or am I being naive?
2007-12-01 18:28:29 · update #1
Well if the NCO school doesn't help, you might want to look into counseling, but he isn't going to change unless he wants to so you might have to actually leave him....
2007-12-01 18:37:44 · answer #1 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How often do you talk with the other wives on base? do you have any friends there? Clergy?
Being an Army wife is the most stressful job in the Army!
When your home with family it's not as noticable because your thinking of other things. Keeping your mind on other things generally works for me. Try getting into scrapbooking his career book! That takes up a ton of time on days when I'm lonely. Just looking at the pics of him makes me happy.
Don't jump him about his abuse problems as soon as he returns but set aside some time to talk about the possibility that he could be endangering his baby. " It's so nice to see the way your love our baby, sometimes I worry that when your high you tend to ignore her/him. Isn't it wonder how much she/he loves Daddy!" Be Gentle and Non-accusing when you open the topic. Leave it at that statement and let him ponder, Listen to him talk, let him finish before you begin. You've already explained the situation and given him an extremely good reason to think about what he's doing. Without saying anything bad about his weed connection, just say that you'd prefer to go to so-n-so's because they have ---- more x-box games maybe? or play the kind of music that you like? Try not to give him a reason to defend his connection, but give him reasons to try a diffrent option instead of getting high. When he's not high - tell him you love him. Tell him how much you appreciate every little tiny thing he does for his family. You won't need to mention the weed or alcohol when your telling him these things. It's like training up a child - praise the good the moment they do something correctly - redirect when things aren't right.
Your already doing a fantastic job! You sound like a pretty awesome Mommy and Wife! Take Care!
2007-12-01 18:54:39 · answer #2 · answered by TupperMom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Indian Beauty: you said it:
"Honestly I dont wanna go back "
So, whose gonna die if you stay home through the holidays?
Take a break, rest in the loving arms of your family, and give yourself a chance to step back and take an objective look at your marriage.
Sounds like you need to stay home, enjoy a Family Christmas, evaluate where you and he are at, and in the new year...2008, start over...with or without him.
Once he's done with training, and he is home, he will have an opportunity to communicate with you. See how he responds.
Are you getting whiney "Where are you?" communication? Are you getting, "Just stay there, then." or is he saying maybe he could join you, or maybe that he misses you?
It seriously concerns me that you mention stress levels. Anytime stress becomes insurmountable you are courting immunity problems. The weakest link in the chain will break, be it a cold, or something more serious.
You need to consider your health. I'd recommend a good daily vitamin for support, with the approval of your doctor.
See if you can't just stay put for awhile, hon. Don't go back as long as you are dreading it. Let this be on him.
If you are joyous to return home, go. If not, sit tight for awhile and monitor his behaviors from a place where they do not influence you and your little one.
I wish you luck, dear.
Happy Holidays, and God bless you and yours.
2007-12-01 22:14:23 · answer #3 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello and welcome, you have come to the right place.
Well life in the military is very tough and you are wise and intelligent to stick with your husband through his career.
Good for you to have some rest from it now, go back when you are ready, you are fortunate to have a supportive family.
Why not make plans with your husband for life after the military, maybe plan a business or indeed start one now so that he does not depend on the military and the problems life in the military brings to families. He will not be a soldier forever, after serving his country he can be a great business mind, well disciplined and help you a lot in building your family business.
Well done for sticking with your man, so many don't and so many families break up, but you're made of stronger stuff.
Well done !
2007-12-01 18:31:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you a child of God? Do you see God in everything you say, do, and think? When is the last time you witnessed a miracle? When is the last time you or someone you love was touched by God? Ask God what you should do. Pray, he will answer, if you listen. I promise that. Give Him time to answer and listen carefully as he doesn't speak the way we do. I'm sorry for your situation. I have been ina similar situation and now am getting a divorce. I don't think what I did was right, which was to tell anyone would would listen, because I thougth maybe they could speak to him. I think the better way would have been to leave him until he got help or just stay and cope. God would've taken care of me. I know this. Instead I let my fear get the best of me. Not fear for myself getting hurt, but fear for him hurting himself. You can write me if you'd like to talk further. God bless.
2007-12-01 18:32:14 · answer #5 · answered by bobthebuilder 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling. Maybe with the Chaplain? Or his commanding officer.
Maybe the VA will get him off alcohol and drugs? Give them a call and see what your options are.
Fight for your marriage. You have a baby who needs his Daddy. Surround yourself with a support group in the new area. - church, other new Moms, military wives, same hobby women (like knitting or scrapbooking). Keep busy.
Joy to you!
Joy to you!
2007-12-01 18:34:03 · answer #6 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy. Report him to his command, and he'll get piss-tested and reprimanded. You can stay. You don't have to go back.
Call www.militaryonesource.com. Tricare will pay for 6 counseling sessions before you need an authorization. Maybe that would help you get your thoughts in order on the issue.
2007-12-01 18:18:38 · answer #7 · answered by Marion K 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
MIlitary is highly against drug use maybe make an anonymous call to headquarters and tell them you saw this soldier smoking drugs one night. he will then get drug tested and most likely a reprimand that will hopefully clean up his act.
He may need rehab it sounds to me like he has a number of problems he needs help with, pills, pot, and alcohol whats next heroine.
Truly though if you knew he was like this and still chose to marry him then you have made your bed and time sleep in it.
God Bless and Best Wishes.
2007-12-01 18:32:29 · answer #8 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Somebody got married for the wrong reasons. Sort out your feelings and make a decision for the rest of your life. You got yourself into this so don't run away like a little kid and hide, deal with it like a mature adult and try not to to be bitter in the process.
2007-12-01 18:26:39 · answer #9 · answered by lenzix5 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to go back and you need to sit your husband down and tell him exactly what you have told us. It's time for him to grow up and accept the responsibilities to which he has committed: a wife and family. No more excuses; no more going back on his promises. Tell him you want him to go with you to a marriage counselor and you want him to seek help for his addictions or he's on his own. Sometimes the only way to save a relationship is to be prepared to let it go.
2007-12-01 18:22:16 · answer #10 · answered by JD 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋