My husband had sex with a prostitute. Do I forgive him?

Question

My husband has been distracted lately. Today he told me why. Two months ago he went out with colleagues, drank too much and they visited a brothel. Colleagues left, he didn't. Today he came clean with me and told me he had sex with a prostitute that night. They used a condom but it came off during sex. He told me because he has contracted an STD. Now I must take antibiotics to clear up anything that he may have passed onto me. He's very sorry for what happened and very upset. But he also told me if he hadn't of contracted this STD he wouldn't have told me of the affair. What do I do? Do I forgive? Do I kick him out? I love this man with all my heart and soul. I am just so confused......

Answer 1

If you love him that much that you're still with him and taking the antibiotics then work it through.

I would find this very hard to take and then to top it all off to tell you he would NOT have told you otherwise??

If you stay with him, I'd put him on restriction and tell him if he can't keep the pony in the barn, then he can't leave the farm!

I would honestly try having him sleep in another bedroom so you can have some alone time to think. This way even though he's home, you'll still be sleeping alone and waking up alone so this will give you some privacy to do some serious thinking about how to handle this and which way you want to go.

I think because you added," I love this man with all my heart and soul. I am just so confused......"

if you kicked him out, you'd worry yourself sick he'd be with another women instead of focusing on the real issue here and that is You first then You Two.

Good luck to you, I kicked mine out of the bedroom and he slept in another room for a year before finally leaving.
But he did not tell me, his friends told on him. Thank God, because I had to kick him out, I could no longer be that close to him.

So, by the time he left, it hurt of coarse, but I had already been sleeping alone for a year, then we got divorced very fast.

Answer 2

It appears that the ONLY reason he was "honest" with you is because he knew he had passed on an S.T.D., and knew that you would find out for yourself soon enough. I doubt it would have occurred to him to confess earlier? As to his story, I'd take that with a pinch of salt.
I am so sorry, but I doubt both his story and his excuse. I'd say that there is a good chance this wasn't the first time, just the first time he was caught out. Get yourself checked by a doctor - blood tests, etc., it may not be the only "gift" he has given you.
His actions could have endangered your life, and you now have to decide if its a risk you are willing to take. By the way don't sleep with him again until the doctor has given him a clean bill of health - blood test for HIV/AIDS, hepatitis, STD's etc. He owes you (at the very least) that much.
As to whether or not you two can make it work after this is greatly up to HIM. HE made the choice to cheat (Yes, visiting a prostitute IS cheating) now its up to HIM to make it right again. Do not let him put any of the blame on you (Cheaters will try that). And if he's not willing to fix what HE broke, you have your answer.

Answer 3

Kick him out. He isn't sorry. He would never have put himself in that situation had he loved you at all. And 2nd how sorry is he that had it not been for the STD he wouldn't have said anything? Hmmm what a loving and caring husband. That is not how marriages or relationships work. Keeping stuff like that is a big issue. And what if he gave you something bigger that you don't know about. Not trying to scare you i just don't think a person that as sex with a prostitute is worth keeping around. What if you stay with him and it happens again. You cannot take his word for it. It maybe hard to leave him but it will be harder to stay with someone who betrayed like that.

Answer 4

Twenty Dollars

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20 for their lovemaking encounter. Her husband readily agreed.

It set a precedent -- this scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in sitting at the kitchen table, head in his hands. During the next few minutes, he explained that with the economy shattered, General Motors had laid him off from his well-paid management position. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and because he had counted on his pension, he never invested any money and they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than 40 years of steady deposits and interest -- the total nearly $1 million. The husband was starting to get rather excited, but then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the local bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her careful savings.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

They found him submerged in Lake Erie, in his favorite Chevy. Some men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.

Answer 5

If he cheated on you once id say he will do it again. If you think your marriage is worth saving and you are willing to forgive and forget try to save it. The only think that makes me think that your marriage is over is the fact that you said he admitted to you that if he hadn't gotten a STD he would have never told you about it... That should be sending red flags up for you. I'm sure that he is very upset!!! cause of the STD's he got caught.. typical cheater... This is the time for you to do something different and think about YOU for a change, this is your life hes been playing with. What do you want... and what are you willing to do. He may promise you a lot of things but will you and can you ever trust him again. the trust that you once shared with him is gone forever... Its all about you now... Do whats best for you. Good luck Hun... As a cheated on wife i don't have a very good opinion if men who cheat.

Answer 6

Well you sound like a very nice lady and it also sound you deserve better why be with somebody that don't and didn't respect you to tell you about the affair I know you love him it going to be hard but just think of this look at the reason why he told you so you telling me beside the std that only he even told you what happened if he didn't know or worse it was aids
and he didn't know what would of happened then he didn't tell you cause he love you he told you cause he was guilty give it time think about what good for you i know your heart would hurt but what about your mental physically and emotionally pain he put you though just give some though

Answer 7

Only you can be the judge of that. I mean you are the one that is going to see him every day, the one that is going to be intimate with him and wonder if he is thinking of some prostitute. You have to wonder why he went as far as he did with that person. And does he really love you like you deserve to be loved. I don't think he is sorry for what happend. He is sorry he got an STD and got caught!!! What ever your decision is. It's about YOU now.

Answer 8

If you stay with him, you will NEVER trust him the same again. You may still love him, but your relationship will be forever broken. The only reason you know is because he gave you a SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE!!!!!!! For the love of Christ, what could he do that would be worse??? You realize that you could have AIDS? That you will have to go back in a few months and get tested again, right? They did tell you this at the doctors office, didn't they??
Love yourself MORE than him and move on! Most important, pray that you don't have AIDS.

Answer 9

The first thing is to calm yourself down, take a trip to your local clinic and get tested for STD first. After which comes communication and finding out why he may have let to this. Don't be angry because you can do things out of anger and and cause to much harm either to you yourself or him. I wish you are clean and if pr oven you are clean, he too them is clean.
secondly he has confessed to you about his behavior. if you love him and willing to give him another change, them forgive him and work out things between you both but if you feel you cannot forgive him despite of his repentance, then consider the best interest of your kids( if you have kids) and you yourself. Do not take any antibiotic unless you are sure that you are infected with what kind of infection. Treatable or untreatable.

Answer 10

Forgive, but don't forget.

1) He put you at risk. What if it had been a virus (Herpes, or HIV)?

2) He told you he wasn't about to tell you.

3) This is a very dishonest and disrespectful act. This is not something that you should do to someone you love.

You can continue to love him, and you can forgive him for his deed (to calm your soul), but you must protect yourself. Such blatant disregard for your health and safety. He may not ever cheat again, but you have to ask if he truly has your best interest at heart.