We have not been sexually active at all for 5 years.
My spouse told me that they resented most of the last sex we had. 15 years ago.
We have had sex 10 times a year 15 years ago and that tapered off to less then once a year, and stopped all together when I got orders to Iraq.
I can’t leave. While I was in Iraq Pat suffered a stroke and is paralyzed on one side. I can not abandon a crippled spouse. If I should find a sexual partner am I obligated to refuse?
I am a very lonely and want someone to hold me.
2007-12-01 17:36:37 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I split with my partner for less than that,as he would not touch me after I went into shock,which was chronic,mainly shaking and dizzy,but still wanting affection and intimacy.
I somehow made it through,without him.I know a woman in your position,who stayed,with counselling help.
I can't say what's right for you,but there's access to help,even if just to set her up with caregivers before you leave if you do.
getting her on the road to independence would be the humane thing for both of you.
take care
2007-12-01 18:22:18 · answer #1 · answered by t_blond_chick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not your fault your spouse had a stroke and if the problems have been there for the last 15 years, you're hardly 'running out' are you?
If you still talk to each other, you could try explaining how you feel but I suspect that's gone too.
If you are sure there is nothing left there for you, I can't see why you shouldn't try to find a bit of happiness.
Life's too short, don't waste a second more...
2007-12-02 01:46:37 · answer #2 · answered by grrrl 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Man that's a tough question. All I can say is i have been married 10 years to a man who Never wanted sex. At one point in our marriage we have gone 2 years without it and it does get very lonely. My situation is different your wife has suffered a very serious medical problem and I believe my hubby's issues are psychological. I have started a " friendly relationship " ( with a beautiful man with whom I am falling in love with ) and have cheated on hubby. At first the guilt is awful, you talk to yourself and go a little crazy at first, and then after a little while the guilt goes away and you start to feel good because you figure out that there is some one else that cares for you. ( soon after I started cheating we split because I asked him to leave. ) I think if your not going to leave your wife then it would be awesome if you found some one else that you connect to and feel good with. I don't think something random and short term will be OK , but if you find someone you care about it will be OK.
2007-12-02 02:01:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
it is against GOD and ask HIM to forgive you. i know where you're coming from. Me personally I would seek comfort in others and move on with my life. I wish your spouse the best but if she and you were having problems before the stroke and paralysis.....were you contemplating divorce? if not then stay but if you arent happy, leave. but if you still love your spouse ans want to make it work, seek comfort with someone but sex shouldnt be a road taken because doing this you will fall for that person and leave your spouse
2007-12-02 01:41:37 · answer #4 · answered by GG 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did your vows say? IN sickness and in health till death do us part. If you truly love them then I guess your the one that will make the choice. Don't ask if it's okay to cheat on your spouse it's wrong.
If it's bothering you and it appears the relationship has been in the crapper for a long time maybe it is best to let them go.
God Bless and Best Wishes.
2007-12-02 01:43:29 · answer #5 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are other options to infidelity.
Isn't there some community group you could active in?
Men's groups? Mixed groups? How about volunteer work where you get to meet people who are in a lot worse shape than your wife?
Your happiness IS yours to control but how happy are you going to be at the cost of betraying your spouse?
2007-12-02 01:53:31 · answer #6 · answered by asgodintended 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sympathetic to her meidcal situation, but its a moot point for the prior issues. The two fo you can still be intimate- and that mild paralysis isnt what's coming between you. Yes you can leave- she managed to survive while you were still in Iraq. Not trying to sound heartless, but if she isnt going to honor that part of marraige why should you?
2007-12-02 02:34:46 · answer #7 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that as a partner I would want to be able to support my partner in meeting his needs as I would hope that he would support mine and if I was not willing or able to (luckily so far I am) meet them, I would hope that I would be open minded and loving enough to let him to get them met, appropriately for sure but the chance of falling in love with someone else is always there, and without flaunting it or hurting my pride/reputation and I would hope to do the same for him if it ever came up. Good Luck and sorry to hear it
p.s. kudos for supporting your wife in her need.......well done, sounds like your mom raised a great son and guy (but I could be reading way too much into it.....I hope she did, you sound like a good one anyhow)
2007-12-02 01:51:02 · answer #8 · answered by scsspace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that only you can answer. My guess is that you can't leave your spouse, but I'll bet you'll have NO problem be deceitful to her and being deceptive and lying to another woman about your situation. Why---cause you're such a great guy!
2007-12-02 09:30:55 · answer #9 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Taper your affection off to less than once a year and then stop all together. Feeling sorry for someone is not a good reason to stay with them.
2007-12-02 01:52:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋