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his whisper inside my ear
singing a song of sadness
while i live in nothingness
trying to feel something
besides the touch
ive imagined so many times
the cool breeze on my back
reminds me of a diffrent day
a day when you were here
by my side
now all thats left of you
is what i choose to rember when i sleep
but now im awake
and enter into my state of solitary
nothingness

2007-12-01 16:25:33 · 7 answers · asked by *renfield* 3 in Arts & Humanities Poetry

Please be honest i want to know if its good but nothing irrelavent plese

2007-12-01 16:26:26 · update #1

7 answers

Its pretty good.
what makes this poem tick is the fact that it seems to have come straight form the heart. But the poet can do a lot better.
The poem has a good balance of emotions but the poet must take care not to overdo it cuz a little extra emotion might make it sound fake.I feel you have ended it well. The poem does strike a very good note.
Though it isnt an entire 100%, i would give it about 90%

2007-12-01 16:48:31 · answer #1 · answered by daisyfresh 2 · 0 0

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not always ought to rhyme however it demands to hit my feelings. I believe readability of expression is main as good. I do not love to moment wager what I'm studying approximately. I consistently appear for what I time period "poetic gem stones"within the textual content.

2016-09-05 18:29:41 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

Very touching, very full of feeling. I like the way you start the poem with "nothingness" and bring it back to "nothingness", full circle. I read this several times and liked it better each time. You should think of a good title for your poem. Thank you for sharing it.

2007-12-01 17:38:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

it starts good and then it loses impact along the way - here's what I"d do why dont' you focus on the whisper - what does it look like, what does it sound like - what happens to the people around you.. etc.

2007-12-01 16:54:12 · answer #4 · answered by art_flood 4 · 0 0

i really like this poem .. i think it really reflects your inside feelings and most of all it shows who ever wrote this poem ..is going through what kind of situation...

2007-12-01 16:37:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I love it I give you 100%.

2007-12-01 16:31:14 · answer #6 · answered by Brittnie T 2 · 0 0

very good. Needs a little work but very good work here. :-)

2007-12-01 16:31:37 · answer #7 · answered by Sasquatch 3 · 0 0

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