24 yr old cot, husbands mum is manipulating me to use because she kept it for him?

Question

For my entire pregnancy, (29weeks now) My mother in law (MIL) has been telling me that she is doing up his old cot (which is 24yrs old) Doing up, as in painting... I told her, I didn't want it - its my first baby and I really wanted to buy new things for the baby; its not like we can't afford to buy a new cot. I tryed telling her I didn't want it. Now I hear she has gone out and wasted money on paint (I heard from MIL mum that she spent alot on the paint) and she painted it and did it up. I am feeling really pressured now by my MIL and her mother.
In australia there are standards on the cots and they say not to use cots before 1998 because they didn't have safty standards. I've told my husbands Nan and she says she doesn't see why it would matter (she doesn't want me to hurt her daughters feeling by not taking the cot).. what do I do..
I am having problems talking to husbands mum now, she won't listen to me - shes trying to make choices for me and I can't take much more of it, help!

Answer 1

This is your husband's mother, and he needs to handle this. Tell him to grow a couple and stand up to his mother.

While I understand your feelings about the cot, it would be nice if you could find something to do to make peace with your MIL. Maybe you could find something else of your husband's that you could use, or let her help decorate the room. It would behoove you to try to get along.

Answer 2

Find some documentation on the safety or lack thereof of old baby beds. Tell her how much you appreciate all of her efforts. Let her know that it would have been such a sweet thing to have the baby sleep in the bed that had been his or her daddy's.

Say to her something like. I know that you want the best and safest for your grandchild.

I am not familiar with the term "cot" referring to a baby bed. Is it about the same size as an American baby bed? Could it be used in some other way?

Maybe you can ask her if there is something else of his that you can incorporate into your decorating.

The bottom line is that you must put the safety of your baby above all else, including her feelings. You don't need to be ugly but you don't need to be bullied by her either.

Hopefully your husband will help in communicating to her that the safety of the baby is foremost. He should help her to see that at this time in your life you don't need this kind of pressure and stress.

Be firm yet loving. If the only thing she has to complain about is your desire to protect your baby then let her complain away.

Answer 3

This is your child and any decisions should be yours and your husbands. You are absolutely right about the standards of cots before 1998.. Also painting baby cots is not a good thing because baby will chew on the railings when teething.
Suggest she keep it at her house for when baby is visiting. Stick to your guns she sounds manipulative and giving in now may encourage her to keep up the manipulation when your child is born. Remember you are the mother.

Answer 4

This is your child and you do what's best for him.
I had to stand my ground with my MIL. There was some hurt feelings, but when she finally realized that we're her parents and what we say goes, she backed off.
Your MIL isn't thinking of the safety of her new grandchild. That's why you have to. If she gets hurt, so be it. Your job isn't to coddle her. She's just going to have to understand that your baby comes first...not her feelings. There's too many safety issues with an old cot. You don't know what kind of paints even been on it. It could be lead.
My MIL didn't talk to us for about 2 weeks, then she realized that if she didn't see us...she didn't see her grandchild. That's when she lightened up and started talking to us again. She knows the boundaries now though.

Answer 5

I have nothing really new to say...1) Offer to use anything else she has of his. If she kept his "cot" then she probably has other stuff too. My mom got her feelings hurt when my Sister In Law didn't use the old baby clothes that my mom kept. Maybe you should suck it up and use something like that just once to take pictures for grandma or something? 2) Get that printout of the reason that crib isn't safe anymore...make your HUSBAND show it to her and talk to her about this matter. His mom...his problem. 3) Suggest she keep it at her house for when you visit.

Answer 6

Put your foot down now and tell her no or she'll continue this nonsense as the years go on. You're the mother. She had the opportunity to raise children, now it is your turn. On top of that how horrible would you feel if something happened to your new child just because you decided to satisfy the wants of your MIL? Tell your husband to step up and say something. If he won't then put your foot down and be firm.

Answer 7

i know how you feel. personally, if it was me i would do one of two things. either make her feel better and use it when she's there and hide the new one haha; orrr just be blunt about it and tell her you dont want it and you dont appreciate her trying to make your decisions about your baby, but she can keep the cot at her house in case your baby stays there for a nap.

Answer 8

they are right the both answers before mine , You should have your husband talk to her about being so pushy and to tell her to back of a bit and tell her you will take it anyways but if you have the room i would use it as a storage or changing station. Pretend to use it like they said and put all kinds of diapers and stuffed animals and everything on it to where it looks like its being used. there everyones happy if not then yeah just straight up tell her no & Sorry but you'll get over it.