Me and my wife Valerie have been married for 4 years and we had been going out since 1995 we waited 8 years before getting married. now i have anger issues and they almost scared her off twice. It wasnt till the second time when i decided enough was enough and its time for a change checked myself into a mental help hospital and in my opinion that saved my relationship and got us married. but sometimes i cannot forgive myself for even having a temper around her. I want to be a better person but how? But it seems if somthing tries to knock our relationship down we just get right back up twice as strong and we agreed that there is no problem that cant be talked out and divorce is never ever an option unless one of us cheats and I just dont see that ever happining. I just hope i am being a good husband
2007-12-01 15:52:16 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi, I'm married and also have a temper. It sounds like you are aware of your problem and ready to handle it. That's a huge hurdle that you've overcome. You can talk to a therapist about it. I've talked to a therapist and its made me feel better and given me good ideas.
My own experience has taught me how to recognize that I'm getting angry and separating myself from the situation. If I feel my blood pressure rising, I'll tell my wife that I need to go in the other room by myself for an hour but I'll talk to her after I've cooled off some.
I've also learned to associate these feelings with their eventual outcome if I act on them. I've done things which I've also been ashamed of. If you can get your brain to connect the potential angry action with its inevitable hurt and guilt that will go with it, you can control that beast.
I think I'll always struggle with it but being a human is all about training ourselves with habits. Instilling good habits about dealing with these feelings you have helps to prevent ugly episodes which make both of you miserable.
Another thing which I've learned to do it "pick my battles." I've learned to let alot of things slide. All of the misery from the aftermath of an "anger" episode isn't worth it.
2007-12-01 16:10:54 · answer #1 · answered by YJohnY 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to go to counseling. You have a strong relationship.Just the fact that you are asking this question is impressive however, and shows that you love your wife and you want to be a good husband. This is very impressive and shows you are open to getting help if needed.
I think you should talk to your wife and really listen and understand what she needs from you and how she feels. If you want to be a good husband, think of something you can do every day to make her life happy and better. Do something every day that will make her feel happy and so that when she walks away from you, she feels better about herself than she did before. Make her want to brag to everyone about what a terrific man she married! Help with the house work, call her just to say I love you just because, adore her. If you fear that anger may be a problem, then go to counseling. You may want to go counseling even if it isn't just to calm yur fears and it can't hurt - it will only make things better.
2007-12-01 16:00:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you made the right decision and yes you are a good husband for getting help, that is why so many relationships fail because of pride and not getting help if you need it to save your relationship
2007-12-01 16:44:21 · answer #3 · answered by anna kimbril 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you are trying your best to be a good person and that is what will make you a good husband.
You can never undo things you have done in the past and you must forgive yourself for things you have done. Do not forget them, just forgive them and learn from them.
Good luck in life!
2007-12-01 16:04:45 · answer #4 · answered by Hubby . 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you went and sought out help, you must forgive yourself. You have done more than most men would even consider. As long as you are not being abusive to her now, why would you take it out on yourself now? The past belongs in the past, leave it there and move forward!
2007-12-01 15:56:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seekign help is a great start, and yes does make you a good husband. Don't sit there and blame yourself all the time, you were upset for a reason, even if you repsonded wrong to that.
2007-12-01 17:07:35 · answer #6 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well good thing that you went and received some professional help. I mean we all have things about us that we would lie to change and sometimes all we can do is constantly work on it if they don;t change.
It sounds like your wife mean alot to you and that you want your marriage to work I hope wvwything works out for you.Good Luck!
2007-12-01 16:02:47 · answer #7 · answered by sparkling_apple 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Friend, Please read this book. You'll thank me forever. It's called "What Your Father Couldn't Tell You and Your Mother didn't Know" by John Grey.
2007-12-01 16:11:23 · answer #8 · answered by Heartfire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say go to church and get ur life right with god then everything else will fall in place god bless
2007-12-01 16:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by tic22 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's your question?
2007-12-01 16:01:33 · answer #10 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋