What do U think, part 4...Divorce, getting back together? Looking For New Responses?

Question

Will starting with a clean slate, really make her feel differently? Any advice will be good. I am told that I need to give her, her space but I always want to be close. We had a great dinner the other day and after talking for an hour afterwards she say’s…”this is why I want a divorce, we are so good to each other when we are friends, we treat each other with respect. We have no burdens on our shoulders.” Of course, Im thinking, “I don’t remember turning off the married button, actually we still are married.” but that would have ruined the moment. I am lost and confused….please help...I know I screwed up, but can it be fixed in the future?? Any opinions on that? Looking for new responses...do I have any hope?

Answer 1

Some people make better friends than they do spouses. Accept it and move on.

Answer 2

I think I kind of get what she is saying....that when you just date there is the belief that you must be on your best behavior or the other person will leave you...after marriage there isn't so much pressure and often one (or both) begin to show their true colors. Maybe they become angry more often, are less respectful, argue or nag, aren't as loving etc...
She may just like the excitment of dating and not the routine everyday sameness of marriage. Every couple must work out a relationship that works for them, even if it is non-traditional. One couple I know live in different towns, and see each other on weekends because of their careers. It works for them...another one is separated far more often, he works all over the world and leaves her at home...
Think about other possible solutions if you enjoy being together.

Answer 3

Separation and distance cause us to re-appreciate the things we have taken for granted. Ever notice that when you break-up and get back together you have the most amazing sex and both of you are super accommodating and extra loving to each other. It's that rush of excitement, the unknown, and the chase that people crave.

All relationships move past the "honeymoon" phase and some people only like that part so they are constantly breaking-up to make-up. The new relationship feeling is the best in the world but it never lasts and it's unrealistic for you to have to keep making her feel "fixed" to be with you. It seems that you have given her too much power and she has full control of her puppet, and she knows it.

Don't sit around and wait for her to decide what your gonna do with the rest of your life, you'll regret it. Get out there!!

Answer 4

She needs time alone to sort through what she feels. I think she will still want some contact with you but just don't push her to be more than she can handle. If she is determined to divorce and end the previous relationship, she may be willing to then build a new one. At this point, since you cheated for several years and burnt out her trust you will need to accept her decision. Take it slow, date her, romance her gently but absolutely do not push her! And as hard as it might be, be prepared for her to date others. She might just need to see what it out there to truly appreciate what you are to her.
Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

There's always hope. Right now you've pretty much conceded control over the situation to your wife. I know that's not a fun place to be in. It raises your anxiety level when your basically at someone else's mercy.
I understand as I have just been through this. Best thing I can tell you is to be patient. Don't let a moment of anger over not knowing what "she" wants make you say something that you'll regret. No balant ultimatums.
Right now you've made it clear to her that you want to stay married. Try to relax and think how you'll handle her answer, either the one you want and the one you don't want.
Good luck and try to relax!!

Answer 6

Back off of her for a while. She wants space but you want to be closer than she wants to be right now. Give her some breathing room, perhaps she will realize that you are not just a friend, but the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Sometimes pushing an issue drives people further away. So try not to show her how much you want her.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

it could be that you took advantage of her and quite making her feel important. when people get married they seem to let all the romance go in the marriage. i think in general men think that once they are married they dont have to be affectionate anymore, they feel as if she mine now and when i want a little sex, she should be in the mood. i know from experience that you have to keep the romance in the marriage. Just little things make a difference. Being spontanious, bringing home just 1 rose and telling her how much you love her. Or getting up in the morning on your days off together and cooking her breakfast, and most important cleaning up your mess aftwards, without having to be asked or told to do so. Or help cleaning up around the house with out being told or asked to do so. if it was like my marriage a one time. I felt that all the burdon was left on my shoulders. I felt that i was expected to do it all. You should not expect your wife to be your mother. Your wife is your partner and you should treat her the way you like being treated. I dont really know what went on with the 2 of you, but a wife just wants to feel that they are loved and that they are the most important person in your life. a wife doenst want to feel like a maid. Believe my if you put her up on a pedistale she will inturn put you on one. One of the most improtant things in a relationship is taking the other ones feeling in consideration. An also being able to talk to one another. If you dont have respect and comunication and trust, you wont and will never have a happy marriage. Its like a partnership, you have to give and take. There is alot of bumps in the road, but you have to be able to talk to one another with out going on the defensive. No one is allways right about everything, even though we would like to think we are.If you both are willing to try to work things out, you can. But as i said its work. From reading your question it seems that maybe you could possibley be a smart ass sometimes. Next time you meet, slip a little note into her pocket or purse. telling her how much she means to you. kind of like a love note. it doesnt have to be whole lot of words. Just say I miss us, and i will always love You. When my husband worked out of town, he would be gone for a week at a time an I would take little notes and put them in his shirt pockets, saying (honey I hope you have a good day! I love you!) and when he was getting dressed for the day he would find the note and he said it just made him feel so good. Just small little surprises. Makes a person feel good and wanted.
good luck! from reading some of the answers above, i see that you cheated on her. its going to take alot of fixing because of the lies and deception. She may never be able to trust you again.. if she doesnt , remember its your fault.

Answer 9

There IS hope! God heals hurting marriages. But you need to rebuild it on the rock of Jesus Christ. Visit rejoiceministries.org and read the thousands of testimonies of restored (and I mean resurrected from the dead) marriages and of God intervening in circumstances. They have a fantastic support base of daily email support and daily audio broadcasts as well as prayer support. It is all cost free too.

Answer 10

you need to go on being friends for a bit and see how that goes. You don't say how you screwed up but you have to show her that you are not going to do that again. I will give you one site that may help but if you are friends for a bit perhaps she will agree to counseling and that may help also.