My husband, me and my kids live in another state from all our family.This is our first year out of state. For Christmas, every year we have been together (11) we have always gone to my mom and dad's house. His mom lives too far away to visit and his dad lives in the same state as my mom and dad. This year is no different for we are driving to be with family on christmas. His dad just sprung on us that he wants us to be with him Christmas Eve at a resort sort of place. I said, no way...i'm not spending Christmas Eve at a hotel and having my kids wake up on Christmas with no christmas tree or family there. My kids are VERY close to my mom and dad and doesn't really even know his dad or his dad's new wife. My husband is pretty upset about this but I feel like i'm doing what will make my kids the happiest. I told him we can see his dad the day after Christmas or that his dad is welcome to come to Christmas at my parents house. Am I being unresonable about this?
2007-12-01 15:36:58 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The tree has absolutely nothing to do with it...it's the tradition and the people. What I left out is that we spend the night at my parents house on Christmas Eve to do santa for the kids in the morning with my WHOLE family there. All aunts/uncles/cousins. There ends up being around 20 very close family members there. My children have been away from these people for a year and miss them terrible and have been looking forward to Christmas since October! If we go with his dad it will be us his dad and his dad's wife in a hotel...how sorry does that sound? I mentioned the tree strictly for the kids benefit.
2007-12-02 02:19:23 · update #1
Oh, there is not a chance in hell that my parents will blow off this tradition with the other 3 kids in the family to come to a hotel on Christmas.
2007-12-02 02:26:48 · update #2
hell no you are not being unreasonable.. why change those kids traditions. invite the father to your parents...make a date for the children to spend time with him if he doesnt want to spend the holidays..try to arrange some time for him and your kids, but you shouldnt rearrange everything for one person who is being inconsiderate.
2007-12-02 01:35:51 · answer #1 · answered by debbied81 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like this could be a good opportunity for your kids to get to know their grandpa better. I know you have a happy tradition going with your own family, but would it really hurt to try something different just this one year? If it's a bad experience for you or the kids, you don't have to do it again next year. I'd suggest spending christmas eve at the resort and maybe sometime christmas day heading over to your parents. It sounds like it'd make your husband happy, and if you have a good attitude about it I doubt your kids will mind. Presents are presents no matter where they are opened.
2007-12-01 23:50:52 · answer #2 · answered by Me 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The reasons you have are not unreasonable.
Saying "no way" is what causes the fight.
This is important to him (just as it's important to you).
Just say that you think that it would be really cool if the entire family could spend Christmas with his Dad since it would be something different and maybe even make everyone a little closer. Then wait......
Let him talk.....
Now that you're are listening, he'll calm down and start to listen to you as well. Try to keep emotions down since both of you need to be intellectual here. Because it's time to brainstorm.
Slowly bring out your expectations and repeat back to him his reasonings and desires. Together, work out a plan. It may be even better than what you have planned now.
Even after 11 years, married couples forget how to come to a consensus over issues. ;-)
2007-12-01 23:54:40 · answer #3 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you are not unreasonable at all. You have to remind your husband that his father has not been there for 11 years so that it is unfair that he ask you to break the tradition now. You can spend Christmas Eve and morning with your family and spend some time during the day with his father and he should be willing to spend the time with your parents with you to bring both families together for Christmas. You can even blame it on the kids if they are old enough and say that they want to be there with their grandparents - and perhaps even coach them to say that since this is a forgivable type of lie, or may not be, under these circumstances. Merry Christmas!!
2007-12-01 23:58:47 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
A little bit yes. I would be a little upset by the change but you are not the only one that wants to spend time with their family. Your husband deserves to be able to spend Christmas with his family too. Though it may not be ideal it may be fun to get up open presents and then go swimming! Not the norm, but could be fun. You can always see your family the day after Christmas too. Kids are going to have fun where ever they are, bring the presents and have some fun. Hey maybe your parents could come along too!?
2007-12-01 23:51:14 · answer #5 · answered by taz19953369 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
To put it kind of bluntly, no you are not putting your kids well-being as your priority, you are putting your own.
The fact that your kids "barely know" thier own grandfather and grandmother because they are "too far" is an issue. Here you have a chance to have your children have a good time and a good memory with another part of THEIR FAMILY and all you care about is your parents.
You have spent the last 11 Christmases with your parents, now your husband wants to have ONE with his family. A family that apparently your children don't even know.
Boy, wouldn't that be a great time to CHANGE that.
2007-12-02 00:27:31 · answer #6 · answered by JA in SC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes i think you are being very unreasonable. i was never aloud to visit my family on Christmas eve or Christmas day. we always had to visit with his family. so i got fed up with it and started having Christmas dinners at my house just so i could spend Christmas with my parents. they were a lot older then my ex's parents and i knew i wouldn't have much more time with them. so don't be so selfish. and for another thing if it's the kind of resort i'm thinking of your father in law can put up a Christmas tree there. and this way your kids will be able to get to know their other grandparent and get to know their step grandma.
2007-12-01 23:52:04 · answer #7 · answered by yak4the8car 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You're dealing with a family outside of one you grew up in. What's it worth to start to bring your kids around their grandfather. Think of it as a scale. How many time have they been around your parents? How many times have they been around his? How far is the scale tipped in your favor? It could be the start of a new chapter in the life of your children. As long as the dad is not abusive or mean. I regret not knowing my paternal grandfather. It still affects me to this day. It was ALWAYS my mom's mom whom I love, but if you could hive the kids that balance, they might appreciate it. Waking up without a tree can be odd, but that wouldn't make or break the true Christmas would it? Would Jesus really care about that aspect of the day?
2007-12-01 23:47:43 · answer #8 · answered by haigazimo 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Maybe instead of doing what you THINK is best for the kids why don't you ask them what they want because they may want to go to the resort and do something new for a change. Maybe your parents might want to come to the resort. Try to rethink the decision and you may come out with a different point of view. Most likely, whatever you decide to do someone is not going to agree. Keep that in mind and do what you know in your heart is best for you, and your family.
Good Luck and Happy Holidays to you!!
2007-12-01 23:53:40 · answer #9 · answered by KAI 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. You have a valid reason.
Now the trick is for you and your husband to work this out. Having a valid reason does not always solve the problem.
From what you have written, it sounds as though you have presented alternatives, but maybe there are others?
Maybe you could spend the day at the resort, then on to your parents place for the night. This way your husband will get to see his father on Xmas eve and the kids will still get to wake up on Xmas morning with the full experience.
2007-12-01 23:44:58 · answer #10 · answered by Hubby . 3 · 2⤊ 4⤋