Unhappily married what do i do?

Question

I have been married and faithful for almost 6 years with a daughter of almost 4. The problem is that I dont love my wife anymore, in fact I dont think I ever was. We live in the same house but live almost entirely seperate lives. We have nothing in common. I have lost all of my friends because either she 'didnt like them' or because Ive been getting depressed and distancing myself. I will never break my promise I made on our wedding day (to death) and I WILL NOT leave my kid. What can I do.

Answer 1

Sounds like you need to get into some counseling, at least for yourself. Depression is very serious and it sounds like you are getting depressed in your own words so you know something needs to change. Once you start going then ask your wife if she will go, if she will not continue on going yourself, being mentally healthy will help you, your daughter and hopefully your marriage to improve.

Answer 2

Sounds like you have already made your decision. You won't break your vows and you won't leave your daughter, both of which are admirable, but there really isn't a lot that you can do. You don't love your wife anymore, if in fact you ever did. No amount of time is going to make you fall in love with her, nor is any amount of counseling. If you want to stay with her for your daughter, then you need to find a way to be happy. I personally think that it's better for a child to live with 2 happy parents apart than 2 miserable parents together. The only options I see are to either go to counseling together with your wife and work out some kind of solution so you can live together and be happy, or get a divorce.

Answer 3

Your life is what you make of it. You have the power to choose how you feel at every second of every day.

I know it sounds corny, but it is true.

You say you have nothing in common with your wife...I say that is not possible. Every human has some things in common.

Take a look at your life without judging yourself or your wife and I bet you see a different reality and probably a much more true reality.

Life is not like what you see on TV or in the movies. There are VERY few relationships that are easy. Work at making yours the best it can be and do not judge it against the relationships you think others have.

No one has a life filled with only happiness, but a happy person chooses to focus on the good times and learn from the bad ones.

Answer 4

so i guess you stay miserable there is no magic wand you don't love her or think you ever have so its kind of a dead issue as your not willing to go on . YOu say you will keep your word fine and dandy but why suffer and have her suffer im sure she's not dumb and see's you dont' have feelings for her and im sure your daughter as she grows up or son will see the same and then in return treat there future spouse the way they saw mom and dad act. thats a cold marriage. thats no way to live.

Are you afraid of God ? whats with this I will never break a promise. Good you have those morals but you have to be realistic some times you have to admit when the end is here its here. No sense burrying your head in the sand and pretending you will only suffer a miserable lonely life and her too.

Nothing wrong with admitting you gave it your best shot but for reasons it didnt' work. doesn't make you or her any less.

I commend you for wanting to not break your promise but by the same token in the end this hasn't resovled your problem and you will both be miserable and at a high cost you will pay for it.

I Think you need to re think your options here.

Answer 5

I feel that I'm in the same situation .The only difference is that after some counseling by myself since my husband wouldn't even consider that idea,I have realized that being stock with someone for what I have said in front of a Judge the day we got married was going to kill me and also my kids perception of what a happy relationship/household should be like.I have decided to take matters into my own hands and change all that by having a last talk with him to see if things can be changed in any way,I don't believe so anymore yet I gave it all.So I'm setting the base to a higher level for myself and my kids by separating and deciding to move on.I hope you can come up with something soon.Anything that will make you happy cause with that your child will eventually know that she should always want and set for better,happier goals in life.It should not be about the failure marriage,instead focused on what greater life can come next.You must want to make yourself happy before anyone else and with that everyone around you will feel the same way.Good luck!

Answer 6

I for one think that it's very honorable that you want to actually do what the vows said you were going to do. Too many people fantasize that marriage is this fairy tale and then when they realize it's not they bail out as soon as something goes wrong. Kudos to you for asking for advice on how you can be happily married. My advice would be start doing things together, get involved in her life more and invite her into your life more. Have a date night and take her out somewhere romantic...give her a sensual massage and let her do the same for you. Little things go a long way. Try marriage counseling at your church. Just remember that marriage is the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life and it takes alot of work to stay in love. Keep faith and realize that no marriage is perfect.

Answer 7

You should take an inventory of the issues and see what you can do to improve things. You should also discuss these things with your wife and see if there are some things you can negotiate on and improve. If your that unhappy and she dose not acknowledge or make an attempt to change, then she has given up on you and doesn't care about your feelings. If that is the case you can bare it and live unhappy, cheat (usually not a good idea if you have kids), or move on.

Answer 8

Go out, take a trip, somewhere where you both have never been before, walk along the towns, window shop, hold hands,
talk small talk. Go down a snowy hill on a sleid. Have fun. And before you know it, the flame will relight. Every week end do something different. Have fun. Remember do not argue, and no yelling, take some flowers to her. Give her a day off, and let her ger her hair done, get a massage, while you take care of your child. Take her out to dinner all dressed up.
Go dancing, go to church, your choice there.
Go to a Christmas concert. Just sit back and listen. And if you know how to waltz she will melt in your arms.
There are allot of things you can do to relight the flames,
You will be ok.
Good Luck.

Answer 9

Well, just think about the past about how you guys got married. Did you guys go out on dates? How did you guys get married? That's the big question. If you don't love her then why did you marry her? Just make out like you guys did in the past or whatever you guys did and make out again. Talk, go to places, play with your child, and all those other stuff you can do with your wife and child. Just don't try and get a divorce because that will lead to a BIG problem and your child might end up going to some1 else's house. Just talk with your wife and make out again just my tip to you.

Answer 10

The only other reasonable solution is to see a counselor to try to work things out. I was in the same predicament with my husband many years ago, and I said the same thing. After 7 years, and realizing that I would die a miserable and unhappy person, with a child who hadn't been spared at all because she knew how unhappy the situation was...I decided to give up.