I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I'm just not happy anymore. He's a work alcoholic and even his son said he wants his "daddy back for christmas". To deal with the stresses of being a work alcoholic, he drinks and often times it too much. I understand a drink or 2 after work but not the whole bottle. His drinking isn't even the beginning, I'm just not happy with our relationship anymore. I think we've out grown eachother and I just don't feel the same connection we used to have. We talked about marriage and having a child together oneday in the future, but I just don't see that future anymore. His work has taken over his life and he thinks money is more important then being with me and his family...he wants to give us materialistic things but I think time with us is more important. I don't live with him and I really only see him on the weekends but even then he goes into the office. I'm just not happy anymore. What should I do?
2007-12-01 15:14:26 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have decided to move on. You wish him the best in the future. Then no matter what he says don't give in.
2007-12-01 15:20:32 · answer #1 · answered by George 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. Explain how you feel, then just break it down to the simple idea of a separation, maybe things will get better:) I'm going through a breakup of 3years so everything is easier said then done, I know, but be strong. The one quote I heard right around the time I decided to break up was "All a relationship there is to a relationship is breaking up, you spend half your relationship breaking up. If you've been together 10 years you've been breaking up for 5." Think about it, I still do & it amazes me how true it is.
2007-12-01 15:23:46 · answer #2 · answered by Bridget B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're obviously not happy but don't wait any longer. If you're just not happy anymore you need to let him know. You have to stick with it though - he might get upset and tell you that you all can work things out. Don't do that. Break it off then lose all contact with him. It'll be extremely hard but in the end I think you'll find yourself a lot more happy. Things are bad now, imagine what it'll be like when you're married. Break up with him & move on with your life.
I left my boyfriend of 4 year and it was hard but better. I started dating again and I hadn't been happier.
2007-12-01 15:27:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him you don't feel the same for him anymore.
My bf's cousin was with a man like this and she practically brought his 2 children up. She still sees the kids and they go round for dinner every now and then which is nice even though she was only going out with their father and was nothing to them really.
Tell him you want to spend more time with him first though and see what happens. If things change then give it another go, if not you have to leave.
Nobody deserves this. Just make sure that his son doesn't get deprived in the process. It's not fair to put his well-being on yourself but try not to be harsh towards him because you don't want to be with his dad anymore.
Say you can still come and visit him if he wants if you are close to him, but you need to find something better than what you have cos it's pulling you down.
All the best xxx
2007-12-03 03:54:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it. Tell him exactly what you said in the question. If you don't see any changes in two months, then tell him you want a break for a while to think about things and that you'll call him when you are ready and have cleared your head. Contact him in three weeks and gradually talk to him and see if thins changed. If not, getrid of him or seek couples counseling. The one thing that bothers me is that you said he drinks too much. this can get worse and is a big deal breaker. Are you sure he isn't seeing someone else 'at the office'?
2007-12-01 15:34:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The easiest thing to do is just disappear. I did that recently, just quit answering the phone when it was him, avoided being at home for awhile, took a week long vacation and didn't tell him etc. It seemed easier than saying the words. Maybe it was cowardly but I avoided a lot of hurt feelings and possibly a fight. If he had cared and wanted to work it out, he wouldn't have given up as easily as he did. Maybe you will find that your bfs work and alcohol abuse will keep him from caring very much too.
If you decide to tell him it is over, don't get into a big discussion. Just say you want to end it and if he starts arguing just repeat your point over and over.
2007-12-01 15:24:57 · answer #6 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him exactly what you said in your question. If he is willing to change then it is up to you to decide if it is worth giving him a chance. If you've told him all this already (you should have done this many times before getting to this point) and he's refused to change, then he had his chances and that should be it.
2007-12-01 15:27:08 · answer #7 · answered by Alan S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your choice either stay with him or break up and get a new man. Just get a new man because I would say that love is more important than money. Find a man who really loves you and love happily with your loved one who you can see a lot of times. Wish him luck with his job and just break up. It will be hard to break up with a man you have been with for 4 years. Talk to him about your past about the good times so that he will know how much you guys been together. Wish you luck.
2007-12-01 16:09:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your complaining about this mand working to hard not at home and he is drinking to much for you and your not happy with him now. You feel as though you have grown out of love with this man so what do you want to do about it let him know are just stay in this relationship and pretend everything is fine.
He has a child already and you teow dont have a child together and this child feels left out what do you think would happen if you married this man and had a child, you dont live with him and only see him on the weekends he still goes to work you not happy than let him know.
do what will make you happy and stop compolaing about being lonely.
best of luck
2007-12-01 15:27:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right,four years is a long time.I don't believe in soul mates.The world is way to big for people to just happen to meet the perfect one for them.I think you need to keep looking.From your words you seem to have alot of love to give.I think once you find someone that truely loves you and wants to be by yourside forever you will forget all about the other guy.I believe you often find someone when you least expect it.
2016-04-07 02:48:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋