I am not sure if my 'fiance' has a drinking problem or wants out of the relationship or gay?

Question

He drank alot when we first met and smoked weed but tried to stop for me and cut down alot. He proposed and then things went down hill. He began helping a male friend remodel his kitchen and for months and I hardly saw him. This is what makes me think he is gay. But I also found that he was smoking weed and drinking alot when with this friend. Then he bought an invest prop next door and rented it out to a family he knows. They are heavy drinkers and also smoke weed. He began going there every waking free minute possible and practically lives there! Even the other neighbors noticed he is never home! He doesn't do anything w/ me n doesn't ask what I want to do - he is always there. He also doesn't care about HIS home. I also found he's texting that 'male friend' again. NO-no wed plans! I want to know is it that he is addicted to drink n weed or that he never wanted to get married in the first place or could he really be gay since he text messages that guy and never texts me? Suggestions!

Answer 1

>Leave. It'll be a month before he notices.<

Answer 2

Well I;m not sure what your question is... but you sound like an amazing, all around nice, genuine person. And also pretty much the sweetest person ever. Don't take any of this personally, what your ex wife has done to you. She is an alcoholic she clearly doesn't see what she gave up. Well what I'm trying to say is your a great guy so don't let the actions of another person bring you down.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like he is more interested in getting drunk and high than hanging out with you. I suspect more of a drug/alcohol problem and/or addiction. If you don't approve of what he is doing then he would rather do it with people who share his lifestyle. Nothing you said would indicate that he is gay, and presumably he is hanging out with a married couple, not just the guy. I think if he was gay he would be doing a lot more to hide things from you, and this doesn't seem to be the case. If he was cheating with anyone (gay or not) he probably wouldn't try to get them to move next door, he'd want them to be in another town to make it easier to keep it secret.

Maybe you should go along with him (in a friendly and non-judgmental way) so you can get a better idea of what goes on. If you do this you should at least have a few drinks if you don't want to smoke pot, otherwise it might look like you are trying to spy on him.

If this guy has such a problem that he is spending so little time with you, it could be a big problem if you want to have a family. You would want the father to be responsible to his children and spend time with them, not getting drunk or high all the time. Having fun every once in awhile is ok, but doing that all the time sounds like he has a serious problem. Maybe you can convince him to get some help, possibly rehab.

Answer 4

You poor dear!! I really hate when things like this happen around the holidays!! But for some unknown reason everyone acts differently around the Holidays. I do not think he is gay , however i do feel that he should text you first!! Maybe he has just finally found a friend that he can confide in about everything....Men do need that too.. Maybe also he does have a drinking and drug problem that he may be talking to his friend about. I dont know , i wish i could help ya out some here but im just trying to be friendly and give you a little of my advice. I would sit down and have a heart to heart with him..my prayers are with both of you and may you both have a wonderful holiday seaon!!!! ooxoxoxxoxo

Answer 5

Does his male friend smoke weed and do drugs as well? Are there any other things that make you think he is gay besides the male friend? I ask this because when you date someone who smokes weed and drinks alcohol, the drugs and alcohol become the third person in your relationship. Until they quit, this will always be the case, and after they quit they will always be an alcoholic addict. Ask yourself if this is really what you want to live with for the rest of your life because believe me, it will always be there. It seems like he doesn't take time in your relationships, he can't and he will never change if he's doing drugs. If he stops drugs and drinking you will have to stick with him through his recovery. I just want to tell you what it's going to be like rather than telling you to do one thing or another. The choice is up to you.

Answer 6

People who are problem drinkers/smokers, enjoy being around other people who like to live self destructive lifestyles also. I know first hand. I've had a drinking problem before and I would always hang out with people who enjoyed to drink a lot - eventhough I didn't really enjoy their company! You may be an "enabler" in his life. He's able to do what he wants and you don't really confront him about it. It's impossible to have a solid connection with someone who's blinded by addiction. While I'm sure he loves you, and is not gay, I would seriously evaluate whether or not you deserve this. Think about it, then sit down and tell him how you feel. Maybe tell him you don't want to change him but that you want him to want to change himself. Let him know you're there for him. See what happens then. If he wants to continue with the same patterns, I don't think this is a very good situation for you. Good luck!

Answer 7

He probably is addicted to weed and anyone (speaking from experience!) addicted to weed ALWAYS look for people who have similar leanings. As for him being gay, that's something YOU must resolve by asking. Ask him if he is serious about your relationship - if he is not, dump the guy 'cause no matter how hard you try to mend your relationship, it won't work if he doesn't respect you and care for you.
Most weed addicts see life from a different viewpoint - often to the point of ingonring near and dear ones and living in la-la land. I went through this until one day I realized what I was doing to myself and managed to kick the habit.
By the way, I still enjoy an occasional 'smoke', but it's not a habit as it was before (smoking it everyday).
Be strong.

Answer 8

For a start he smokes weed, and drinks a great deal.Any man who has these habits is going to drag you down hill too as neither habit is healthy or attractive.It will be a marriage not made in heaven but in hell.Where do you think all your hard earned monies going to go.?He wont kick the habit when you're wed and he will be bringing all his friends round to your house to drink and smoke weed....and party.I would give him the elbow right away.He sounds like a waste of space and energy.By the way hes not gay, hes just useless.

Answer 9

If he is drinking and smoking weed, then don't marry him. It will only get worse as things go along, and even if you are engaged, if he doesn't act like he wants to be, if he doesn't want to step up now and act like the husband you deserve, then it won't change after you get married. Granted not all men are interested in wedding planning, but if he refuses to talk about it at all, then he probably isn't really interested. Unfortunately it sounds like he just isn't ready or willing to give up his lifestyle to be with you. It sounds like you know this already but needed someone else to agree with you. You don't want to live that life. I don't know about the gay part, his new buddy could be his escape or avoidance place...or he could be gay.

Answer 10

I sort of doubt he is gay but into pot and/or aolchol a lot. Probably making some deals with his friend on the text message.

You probably want to "drift" out of the relationship as the addictive personality needs someone responsible they can hold onto for their grounding. Every time you give him an ultimatum, he will clean up his act... it just doesn't last. Just let it slip away.

Answer 11

Gosh, he's put you in a bad situation, hasn't he? It could be he just loves his pot and drinking more than you and the lifestyle that comes with it. Maybe, he is involved sexually with this guy, or maybe there's a gal that lives around there. Who knows. The main point is that he is ignoring you and treating you like a doormat. Take a look at the way you are living now and the way he is. Fast forward after married life. It won't change, with a guy like this it's all downhill from where you are now. The ball's in your court at the moment. You choose...