Married for 20yrs , separated off and on because I still loved him and hoped we were apart long enough to recapture what we lost but now divorced I cannot seem to stop thinking about what he is doing or sending him a text hello. Friendly divorce but I want a sure way to be friendly still but disappear.. I feel I am his and my comfort zone buffer. HELP!!!! I need ideas like yesterday
2007-12-01 14:32:14 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like you still have feelings for him. If you don't want to be with him, you need to stay away. Move on and find yourself another guy.
2007-12-01 14:39:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
With the comment you made about wondering what he's doing and wanting to text him hello, I'm wondering if he's not your comfort zone too hon. 20 years is a long time and it's hard to let go of someone like that. I can understand that you didn't make it work as husband and wife, but if it was amicable and a friendly split, why do you need to cut him out of your life? It's obvious that you still care, just as I'm sure he does for you. those type of ties are hard to sever. They aren't something you walk away from. And if it's not bitter, it's not something you remove from your life.
I think you are looking at this all wrong. I know alot of people get divorced and want to get as far away from their exes as possible, but you don't have that situation. You are friendly with the ex, there is no hostility, you've tried to rekindle something and it doesn't work. That just means you stick him in your friends zone hon, not the "I don't know you " category. He' not a bad guy, you aren't a bad girl, don't turn this into an ugly situation. There's already enough ugly in the world. If you have something good, cherish it for what it is....a friendship. In this day and age, good friends are hard to come by.
2007-12-01 14:46:22 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Agh(sigh)....Here this is what someone in the past have done to me, and surely it's worked. You can't get anything truer than this: pretend you don't even know him, don't even know of his existing, treat him as a stranger on the street, never call, don't even bother to be friend. If someone ask you if you two were an *item* before just flat out lie.
Hey sweetie pea, if you feel the need to move on just tell the past person straight-out that in order for you to find happiness in your life you need to remove him from the list of confidants. Surely enough if you tell him honestly how you feel. He would not communicate with you anymore. That's what I would do before she even asks.
2007-12-01 14:57:20 · answer #3 · answered by Dongfeng!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Married for 20 years, it hard to cut all communication with someone because you probably have kids involved. You two will always have a bond because you have kids involved and share. However, there is nothing wrong with talking with him, just try to keep it brief and start doing things for yourself that will keep you busy. So you are not focusing about. I have been married 15 years and currently separated, we have a kid. The thing I do, is just keep to our child, if she feels like talking I let her call. I am not calling her. I also keep myself busy with work, chruch, working out at gym, socialize with friends, and stay in prayer. I believe what you are doing is feeling guilt, just learn to it let go. God forgives but you need to forgive yourself in order to move on. It will take time, God Bless and give it time.
2007-12-01 15:00:29 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you two were friendly, then I thnk you can have a last talk with him. Let him know you're cutting ties and wish him the best. Be clear that there won't be any more communication from you.
Now here's the hard part...
You HAVE TO stick to it and not contact him. If he contacts you DO NOT be tempted to respond, just delete messages throw away letters (unopened, or you'll be tempted to read them and reply). It's not easy, but it will get to be in time.
2007-12-01 14:44:14 · answer #5 · answered by Voice_Of_Reason 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be really hard for you. You have stop with the text messages, stop with the phone calls. It will get easier with time but right now he's like a bad habit. They're really hard to break. The best way to get through this tough time is to date other people casually or get really involved in something. Good luck to you!
2007-12-01 14:43:13 · answer #6 · answered by black honey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listern i realize that you were in a long term relatioship with your husband but something went wrong along time ago get over him and let go and stop thinking about yester day and live your life i am sure he has moved on its time for you to let go of this man completely in your heart.
best of luck
2007-12-01 14:45:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just know .. that YOU are the controller of all things which you volunteerly do.
You allow yourself, to do it.
Make up your mind .. and make it happen.
Just say no ... and don't do it.
Control your thought process. When you start thinking about him .. get up and do something else .. it's kinda like changing the channel in your mind.
If you will be determined .. after a certain amount of time .. it will get easier.
2007-12-01 14:46:02 · answer #8 · answered by Tara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a new life, and quit inventing a life for him and then obsessing over it. If you are busy and active and start making some new friends, possibly dating again, you will have no desire to contact him. You can't be friendly AND disappear (if I am reading you correctly) you have to do one or the other.
2007-12-01 14:39:19 · answer #9 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You just have to do it like cutting a steak with a rubber spatula.
You keep whacking at it until the job is done.
Good luck.
2007-12-01 14:39:44 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋