I have always had a high sex drive, i love sex. Ive been married to my Husband for a long time. He wanted to wait til marriage, which killed me, so we did. Then when we started having sex, it was great, but it's been 5 years and its bad, he doesnt ever want sex. Hes always either doing yard work, or cooking(hes a good chef) and he says"No not now."
He doesn't want me to masturbate either(hes against it) but what can i do? I have needs.
What do i do? I know cheating is wrong, but ahhh, i just don't know waht to say to him.
Woman what would you do?
2007-12-01 12:10:40 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we're only in our 20's. I'm 27, hes 27.
2007-12-01 12:14:47 · update #1
Oh man, hon I'm 53 and still have it at least 5 x aweek. Something just doesn't sound right here. As for masturbation, to he** with him and do it. I'd try to talk to him to see if it's something wrong in the marriage. And no I don't think cheating is right either. Hon, you need to open up and find out the problem. Maybe he's lost interest in you sexually. It has to be something. My oh my I just can't understand what is wrong here. Maybe he just doesn't care for sex. There are people who just don't like sex very much. Maybe he's one. If you really love him, than bear with it. If it gets to the point of cheating, then it's time to cut the strings and leave him. I don't know what else I can say to you about this. I'm really sorry you're in this situation.
2007-12-01 12:51:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well that really has to suck for you doesn't it?
I hope you both are not trapped in a marriage that your only staying in for the others sake. If you have needs then don't be afraid to tell him. Because it should already be obvious to him that you do and its not fair to you that your not getting what you want from it, simply cause he just doesn't feel like it. Its not like your going to do it everyday. Just when you both feel comfortable in doing it. He expects things to be a certain way, why cant he realize you expect it to be a certain way to?And as I see it the scale that you both have are uneven, so try to make him realize that by going to a doctor and talk about what you need to get the relationship going back on track. Because who knows it maybe a fact that something can be really wrong and needs to figure out to the root of what is happening because most men would not have a low sex drive at a earlier age like that. I know a doctor can be a little expensive, but for marriage that you want to last a life time will be well wroth it.
2007-12-01 13:07:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just masturbate, and be honest about it. As well, it might be a healthy activity to discuss openly and without blame or recrimination if there is something you have done, or are still doing that has contributed to the decrease in his sexual appetite. Heck, break the monotony that infects marriages. Arrange for a weekend or at least a Sat. including Saturday nite, and most of Sunday at a sort of health spa that can provide mud baths, facials, pedicures, massage, and encourages displays of intimate feelings and behavior. Just make the arrangements, and surprise him with it. HOWEVER, do not show disappointment if he does not respond sexually. Just accept him. Tell him how valuable he is in your life. But he has no privilege to prevent you from masturbation. Even though I have a good relationship with my partner, sometimes I just want to masturbate. It's my own thing.
2007-12-01 12:34:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sit him down and tell him just this and ask him what's going on.
If he can honestly discuss, you have a chance.
He might need some time to think about it though.
Maybe he walked in on parents when little and has a hangup,or maybe he was brought up religiously that it's evil, or maybe he has low testosterone and needs hormone therapy (get him tested), is he depressed/anxious, was he molested as kid? So many reasons it could be!
Also, do you take care of yourself? You keep some nice pornos and make bed nice atmosphere?
Talk with him, find out what turns him off and what turns him on?
See if it's your approach and ask his advice.
Now, try and ask him what his ideal amount of sex is. Is he interested in celibacy, yearly, seasonally, monthly, weekly, etc.
You seem like a girl who likes to get it on regularly, so find a compromise like weekly to monthly and pick like a weekend day (and sub) like Friday and/or Saturday.
Clear the schedule and give him some space earlier, and slect a time like 9/10pm to watch a romantic movie/porno or take a bubble bath or exchange massages, etc. Don't let it be all about sex and the big O. Take the pressure off!
*Consider getting a tantra or kama sutra book and spiritualizing it so it takes on a deeper meaning, not just about the dirty deed!
2007-12-01 14:55:47 · answer #4 · answered by Lil Blousou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off I admire His morals for waiting until marriage for sex.
But now you have a medical problem.
You make the appointment, don't expect Him to do it!
But go to a Urologist...bet I spelled it wrong!
Any how go to a male specialist on the personal areas.
You husband might have any number of physical reasons including medication for the problem.
When those ideas are thoroughly explored, then if a problem still remains see a family councilor.
Personally, my horrific experience with a wandering husband tells me, impotent is so much better than disloyal!
After all, If my husband was diabetic or had cancer.
Remember until death do us part.
So mental or physical illness, that hinders sex, BUT NOT Loyalty is better than the cheating, disloyal, need for oral sex act freak I was dealt!!!!!!!!!!
So I guess in my own way, I envy your position !
2007-12-01 12:23:25 · answer #5 · answered by bugsie 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all, rule out any hormonal deficiencies he might have. Go have his testosterone levels tested to make sure he isn't low. That can be easily fixed if it is low.
If his levels are normal, then you and he should sit down and talk about this. Tell him how unhappy you are, and then explore what ideas you can both come up. Don't stop until a solution has been found. Sit there for days if you have to.
By the way, he has no right to tell you not to masturbate, that's personal, private, and none of his business.
If he simply refused, and his hormone levels were normal, then you'll have to decide if your sex life is worth divorcing over or not.
2007-12-01 12:18:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Stop displaying dissatisfaction in bed. Guys don't like it when a woman complains about their inabilities in bed. You are going to drive him away from sex and you are already involuntarily making him take the blue pill. He is trying to compensate his inability to do oral by keeping it hard longer, hoping that would satisfy you. Your best bet is to fake a couple of orgasms or act it up a lot in the bedroom while he is doing his thing.. so that he gets the feedback of "achievement" on his part. You keep doing that and his confidence will gradually be restored. Once he sees that you enjoy what he is doing, he will more willing to do oral. Also train him to use his fingers on you and transition to oral gradually. That way he will know that you can orgasm without his blue pill.. once he figures that out.. he probably will even stop taking the pill. Looks like he is craving positive feedback in bed.. you need to give it to him ALL the time.. so that you can get what YOU want.
2016-04-07 02:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him honestly that you have needs. If he doesn't want to take care of them, tell him that you are going to. If you need to masturbate to keep from cheating on him, then do it. You may also need to consider the possibility that he is already cheating on you. If you need someone else to get off and can not really achieve what you need on your own, and if he is still unwilling to do anything for you, you may honestly need to end the relationship. It is totally unfair for a man to expect his wife to be completely celebit, and live with all that pent up sexual energy and the frustration that it causes.
2007-12-01 17:59:27 · answer #8 · answered by chris 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you ask your husband for sex, he's going to turn you down b/c if he wanted to have sex he would have suggested it himself!
You need to make him think it's HIS idea - men like to be the pursuer! Dress in something sexy and then do something near him so he can't ignore you, like scrub the floor!
If that doesn't work, maybe you need to find out what his secret fantasy is... tell him that whatever he tells you, you'll promise to do it!
And if all of that doesn't work, he might need to see the doctor - his libido might be low due to low testosterone or something...
Good luck! And btw, while cheating is absolutely wrong, there is nothing wrong with a little self love (especially for us women since we are not wasting sperm or anything).
If he can't satisfy your needs, he at least needs to allow you to satisfy them yourself!
2007-12-01 12:22:49 · answer #9 · answered by Shana B 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Cheer up, lovely. You need to talk to him. If you can tell everyone who uses Yahoo Aswers anonymously, you can tell him privately. Work something out. If you've been married 5 years, you're old enough to discuss this maturely between the two of you.
2007-12-01 12:19:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋