Here is the just of it... This past August we were on our family vacation, we were celebrating our anniversary and daughter's birthday too. When I walked up on my hubby and caught him off guard, he was on his cell phone. I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach, I thought, "NO, OMG NO." A month before he wanted to separate and go to a counselor, saying he loved me, but not in love with me, he had been distant with his grandmother's death and my newly diagnosed breast cancer. But this? Currently my husband has been having an affair for over a year now. He has said he is an a**hole, but never said he was sorry. He told our daughter that he would go to counseling, hoping we didn't get a divorce, he wasn't truthful. At the first counseling session he told me that he wanted to split up, he doesn't want to come back. I find myself bond by my emotions/feelings, struggling to break free. I need help letting go, I would see a counselor if I could, at times I feel alone just wanting to talk.
2007-12-01 11:20:24 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To answer some of your answers... I can not afford a counselor, I have been a stay at home mom ever since since our son was born 9 years ago, my daughter is 16. I have a small home bakery and last week I only had 2 orders. I have borrowed money from my sister and now from my son's wallet today for gas. I'm barely getting by, my medical bills are high and it has eaten up all of our savings and then some, I've been charging my meds and I'm looking for work, but no one has hired me yet, both of my parents and grandparents are deceased. I thought we were the typical couple, taking life as it comes. BUT I do believe it's God's will, and that everything happens for a reason, having life lessons to learned, I trust in God that everything will fall into place. It's just getting there from here.
2007-12-01 12:23:43 · update #1
So sorry for your pain. All you can do is hang in there. I know it's hard to focus on other things when your marriage is falling apart. Ultimately it's up to him. If he's cheating on you and wants to move on, you have to trust that God will watch out for if you put faith in him. Your husband will get what he deserves if he doesn't come to his senses. He loves you but is using this slutt as an escape for his problems at home. You have to let him go, if that's what he wants. Then and only then, will he realize what he's losing. Right now he has the best of both worlds - 2 women fighting for him. Let her have him. I know it's hard but think with your head - not your heart. By then you may or may not still want him. Hope it all ends well.
2007-12-01 11:30:48 · answer #1 · answered by gatsgrl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get some legal advice. Many attorneys will do a consultation for free. Find out what your Husband's obligations for support for you and the children will be. Your husband might be responsible for your legal fees also. He has to support his children and spousal support at least for a period of time, even continuing your medical coverage.
Following are some resources. Some support groups may be more helpful.
A few good books:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley
“After the Affair” by Springs
A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/
A few other helpful sites:
http://www.dearpeggy.com/
http://marriagebuilders.com/
http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/
http://peterfox.com.au/index.html
A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.
http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/
http://survivinginfidelity.com/
An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:
http://www.aftertheaffair.net/
Some marriage weekend programs:
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
They work with you on the cost if your husband will go.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_dates.html
2007-12-01 20:46:07 · answer #2 · answered by joyh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I am soooooo sorry! I do know how you feel. I was home cooking supper waiting for him to come home from work. He came home and said he was going to take a nap and was very distant towards me. While he was sleeping his phone vibrated and I heard it. He was still asleep so I checked to see what it was. It was a text from a girl. I sent our daughter to the neighbors house and confronted him about it. Long story short he told me he didn't want to be married to me anymore. I left that night with our daughter and had to move back in with my dad. I didn't want to but I had no choice. I cried myself to sleep for many nights but you have to be strong for your daughter!!! Don't let her grow up thinking this is how a relationship is supposed to be. Show her how strong you are and show her how to be happy. It won't be easy but in time you will be happy and better off. He don't deserve you!
2007-12-01 19:31:48 · answer #3 · answered by RTSGIRL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly a lot of couples split up when a spouse is diagnosed with an illness like this 70%..This is a high number. You need to take care of you and, focus on getting better. I am sorry your husband is putting you through this.
2007-12-01 19:26:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
its very disappointing that your husband decided to treat u like crap at a time like this in your life.it sounds like he has made his mind up on what he wants to do.it seems like hes hurting u and he doesnt care,u should continue 2 c a councelor to help deal with the motions,and seek help 4 your cancer.u have so much more 2 worry about other than your husband... your health is at stake.i think it may hurt u more because u need him to b there 4 u during your time of ilness,i know that u need him more than ever.it looks like not even in sickness he is there 4 u.do u really want that type of treatment fom the man that took vows to b there 4 u and is not,try 2 seek comfort from others,cause it seems like he has made up his mind only time can tell if things will work out 4 the better or not.good luck
2007-12-01 20:04:15 · answer #5 · answered by kim27 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've never understood how people could want somebody that doesn't want them. The fact that he is cheating shows that he has no respect for you, your daughter or your marriage. You have to let go, no matter how hard it is. There is somebody for you out there. He is not the Alpha and the Omega. don't make him feel that he is. Be strong and walk out tha door with your head held high, having faith that there is something better for you and your daughter.
2007-12-01 19:29:28 · answer #6 · answered by wind champ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you see a counselor. You said you guys went once, but you can go back. If he doesn't love you anymore and you feel really alone, especially with something as big as breast cancer, you need to see someone about it.
2007-12-01 19:25:47 · answer #7 · answered by Jody 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck. Kinda creepy the guy abandoning you during your cancer issues. Could you talk with your local clergyman instead of a counselor, if money's an issue?
2007-12-01 23:34:16 · answer #8 · answered by Kyle W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry for your problems. why can't you go to a couselor?? you really need to find away to go, you need it. i know how hard it is but you need to do the best thing for yourself and that is get out of the marriage. it took me 17 yrs to get out of mine and it was the best thing i did for myself. now i'm happily married. the best of luck to you. you will be in my prayers tonight.
2007-12-01 19:47:50 · answer #9 · answered by yak4the8car 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sarah McLachlan has a CD called Serfacing ,, I know you know that , but I'm reminding you .
Don't let him steal you from your true love ,,,, !
2007-12-01 19:38:07 · answer #10 · answered by darkcloud 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋