Should I be concerned because my ex is taking showers with my three year old?

Question

Maybe it's just me but I think, this is wrong. There is no reason why she can't be giving her a bath.
If you see no problem with this, then do you think it would be wrong if a man took a shower with his three year old?
Please note that I do not do this because not only is it wrong in my opinon but just imagine what my ex would say if I was to do that. I would be getting a call from CPS quicker than you can say 'sexual abuse alligation'.

Also, I know my ex is doing this because my daughter said so. I was getting in the shower and she asked if she could get in too. I told her no and I asked if she takes showers with her mother and she said yes.
Also, please note her mother has accused me of abuse in the past in an effort to get custody. She is a liar. None of her accusations were true and fortunatley I am cleared of any wrong doing.

I have a daughter and I would never take a shower with her or let her see me naked. I also think it is inappropriate for her mother to do the same. I don't care if she is the same sex.

chelvis: Such hypocrisy. Do as I say, not as I do.

Chelvis: I'm sorry. I misunderstood your answer. I guess instead of a lot of hypocrisy trhere is only a little in it.

Answer 1

You should do what feels right for you and your family. Personally, I don't ever recall showering with either parent, however it was normal practice for some of my friends when they were growing up.

Sadly, we do live in a soceity where men are seen as perpetrators of sexual abuse and suffer the fear of allegations against their good names.

Do women not understand how deeply offensive it is when men have to read responses like those from chelvis'. Why is it any more "inappropriate" for a man to shower with his children than a woman? Why was a friend of mine barred access to his work place (at a child care centre) by one of the mothers that had just enrolled her children?

Answer 2

For young children it's not unusual or necessarily wrong for same sex parent and children to shower together. You see this a lot in camp grounds where a parent would have to be a fool to let a child shower alone in a public bath house. As someone else said, when a child gets old enough to start asking questions then it's time to stop, say around 4 to 5 years old.

Answer 3

I think it is fine as a mom now and as a child growing up! I took showers with my mom until I was about 6 and started seeing a difference, then my mom said I was a big girl and I took my showers by myself. Same sex is okay and I think as long as they are under 6 or younger if they start too notice the difference - My son took a shower with his daddy a few times, until he was 4 and he is just fine! I do not think it would be right for son and mom to take showers or daughters and dads- but with any child I do think they run into your room from time to time and sometimes see what u do not want them too!

Answer 4

I don't know your ex so I can't speak for her, but I can say that my daughter took baths and showers with me until she was about three. It was completely innocent. Having a three year old girl take showers with dad may indeed be innocent BUT it is more than likely if you do this your ex may bring it to the attention of (like you said) CPS, and CPS may not understand. Little girls showering with a fully grown male (even though it's dad) may be seen as at least unusual, and besides your daughter would have a few potentially embarassing questions to ask you...lol! But I think here you must trust your instinct on this one. Your ex may cause you serious trouble if she were to find out. CPS is not an organization known to always make the right decisions when it comes to the welfare of the kids (even though it claims to). I would trust your ex and CPS about as far as I could throw them. Best then, to stick to giving your daughter baths.

Another thing, unless you truly feel that something inappropriate is going on (like inappropriate touching) during your daughter's showers with her mom, don't make it into a bigger deal than it is, for two reasons: your daughter may suffer for it. And, she may learn to be ashamed of her body and may learn to mistrust her own parents. Now if there's a reason to interfere (besides hating your ex and wanting to "pay her back", so to speak, for what she put you through)- if you truly feel your daughter is being damaged or harmed somehow by her showers with her mom, then interfere. But don't do it unless you really think that's the case.

EDIT: I'm no child welfare expert, (but I am a mom- so maybe this counts? lol!) but the fact that your daughter does not appear in the least bit to be traumatized by her showers with mom (otherwise she likely would not have asked if she could shower with you), tells me that her showers with mom are likely to be completely benign happenings. But if you really sense something else, don't hesitate to talk to your daughter about it. Her attitude and her ability to discuss this with you should give you an indication, at least, of her level of comfort (or non-comfort) with the whole showers-with-mom phenomena. Good luck!

Sorry you're having to deal with such a difficult ex.

Answer 5

I wouldn't be concerned, but I see what you're saying about how it would be seen as wrong if a man were to do it. Society thinks it's okay for a mother to bathe with her children, but not okay for a man to do it and I believe that I've been brainwashed as well.
Sorry for the situation with your wife.

Answer 6

i personally see nothing wrong with a parent showering with a child as long as they are of the same sex...i showered with mine until they started asking too many questions...then they are old enough to shower alone....i also showered with my grand daughter until she was 4 or 5...if you want to shower with your son i guess that is fine...you have the same equipment so no need for a lot of questions...i don't think there is anything wrong with it

Answer 7

At three years old, no. But I do not think this is appropriate after the age of 5.

Answer 8

This would probably be better in parenting but i totally agree. That is strange Im not saying your wife is a pervert or anything cause I obviously don't know her but she might not realize how her child is growing and is still bathing with him or her in order to keep them close. She should obviously supervise his or her baths but bathing with them is too much.

Answer 9

I wouldn't be too worried. I took showers with my mom and it had no negative effect on me.

Answer 10

a 3 year old shouldnt be seeing you get into the shower, nor should she be showering with her mom. BUT its much much more inappropriate for a man to shower with his child, then for a woman to do that.