I've dated my boyfriend for 2 years but I feel like I'm still not ready to commit. He hasn't proposed yet, but I want to make sure it's okay in case he does. Thank you!
2007-12-01 08:02:28 · 18 answers · asked by Nicolle 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
YES! YES! YES! To thyne OWN SELF be true! Speaking as a woman who was "roped" into marriage by my parents the FIRST time!
I am married now, but...I played softball with my current husband for 5 years (co-ed) and we became good friends, then, I moved away for 4 years...he waited for me to return (!) THEN, I made him wait 2 years (we did live together for those 2 years but I had the option to just walk away) to make sure I WAS READY for this marriage. YES Doll. You are a woman, NOT A COMMODITY! You will know when YOU are ready to get married. It is a BIG, BIG, BIG step! If he cannot accept no, imagine the other things he cannot accept if you do marry him! YOU ARE WORTH WAITING FOR for the right man! AND It is YOUR choice!
2007-12-01 08:13:06 · answer #1 · answered by Marroll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's perfectly fine to say you aren't ready. My friend was in a similar situation. They had been together a short time, about a year or so, went on vacation, then he proposed with a big fat rock. She, being caught up in the moment, said yes. She had told us over and over how she doesn't think he's "the one". They were only engaged a few months, then she got back to reality and broke it off. It broke his heart, hers too. Better to know now, than to extend something that may not last.
If you are unsure, please take your time. Marriage is something that doesn't need to be taken lightly and you need to take your time. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, but if you aren't ready to fully commit, there's no need to feel pressured to just because you've been together a while.
Best of luck dear :)
2007-12-01 16:57:19 · answer #2 · answered by pd♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to find a reason why you aren't ready ... "I want to go to school / travel the world / live for myself for a while" ... make him know that it isn't him, it's you. If he proposes and you turn him down he'll make himself feel bad, but if you married him not ready and you both became miserable he'd feel worse and so would you (and any children). You're smart to know yourself so well. Don't let yourself get talked out of it. When you're ready, you'll know, and it may take a pretty long while, but you'll have a good life in the meantime. Good luck.
2007-12-01 16:11:16 · answer #3 · answered by David W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably he will, your self esteem is pretty high, his must be pretty low (is like 2 plants sharing the same pot, one takes the food from the other one), hence, you aren't ready because you want a man who is strong and confident, he isn't. Why you date that kind of man?, that speaks poorly from you, you should be with a yes as an answer in case it comes or he wants it that way, or he should be the one in control of that part (not controlling you, but yes controlling his questions and keep you happy too). You aren't dating real man and you aren't ready because there are other things interesting for you, one is the chance of finding someone better and you know it.
2007-12-01 17:26:33 · answer #4 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it is alright to not be ready to commit- it's a huge step and you should only do it when YOU are ready! Perhaps tho you should have the conversation before he proposes, this way he will not feel rejected and you will not stress about it.
2007-12-01 16:14:22 · answer #5 · answered by motherof3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a life time commitment and if your not ready he should understand that! Actually he should appreciate the fact that you care so much about him that you dont want to get yourself into something your not ready for and hurt him. Good Luck
2007-12-01 16:08:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely.!!! You should never marry until you are ready. Marriage takes a lot of work. Too many couples rush into it and then end up divorsed. Explain that you need more time if he asks. Tell him you want to be sure so you don't rush in and end up divorced. If he does not understand this, then he's not thinking about you and your feelings.
2007-12-01 16:23:13 · answer #7 · answered by Medicine Woman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure, it's OK to say you're not ready. Be honest and don't keep the engagement ring if he gives one to you.
Seriously though...2 years dating? By the looks of it, you're both not ready for it, or you're both not the 'right one' for each other or you would have both already talked about it or started making plans or would be married already. My advice would be to go out and start dating other people and move on...maybe you'll both find somebody else whom you're in love with and want to marry.
2007-12-01 16:10:35 · answer #8 · answered by VodkaTonic 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It most certainly is alright. If he respects and loves you so much to propose to you then he would certainly respect the fact that you were honest with him in letting him know your not ready yet for the biggest day of your life. Best of luck.
2007-12-01 16:09:25 · answer #9 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is perfectly fine for you to say no if you are proposed to. I am not one to assume for others what deadlines they need to put on their relationships, but for me, if I was dating anyone over 18 months, and didn't feel ready to marry them, I would probably do some serious soul searching as to why I am unable to fully committ.
2007-12-02 02:47:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋