He acts usually like he does not give me any choices. If I say NO he looks at me like I did a really terrable thing....I feel like his child or so. Whatever he thinks is good and the only one. He gives many arguments to support his choice and reject my choice. If I do not agree he stops talking to me. He says or "this" or "nothing". Mostly we have money issue. In general, he is a nice person. I just got married with a hope of building a nice happy family and I really do not think about a devorce right now. I want to try to fix this situation.
2007-12-01 07:59:48 · 12 answers · asked by Kamila 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My 37th wedding anniversary is coming up in a few months. We fight; about money, clothes, the kids, the in-law, the out-laws and anything else you can think of. During those 37 years I have come to one conclusion about conflict; if you have a marriage where there is no disagreement you are married to yourself or someone's wishes are being trampled on a regular basis.
Marriage is 50 /50 but not the way you think. If you both parties are willing to give 100% to the marriage you have a 50 / 50 chance of having a good one. If either considers themselves the boss, you will not last! It is imparative you do something to balance the relationship (counsiling, sitdown meetings or anything else that works) and do it before you try to have that happy family.
When you have the family it is too late. Someone is going to be injured severely and it will probably be the children. If you divorce the kids get hurt, if you stay in a loveless marriage the kids get hurt. It really is a lose lose situation.
I hope for everyones sake that you can get a handle on this fast.
Good luck. Merry Christmas.
2007-12-01 09:31:08 · answer #1 · answered by gimpalomg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have tried saying no and it didn't go well, to put it mildly.
Have you considered counselling, ideally for you both as well as you individually? If he won't go, and something tells me he will think you are the problem and he shouldn't have to go, etc, you ought to go on your own. A good therapist can help you sort out what to do to look after yourself.
I think that this situation will be impossible to fix without a lot of help and also a lot of effort from him. I wish you well and I hope that you can do what's best for you and have a marriage where you are treated as an adult and with respect, and are not afraid to say what is on your mind.
2007-12-01 16:09:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a man thing. Men do not take no for an answer. If you feel it is really unacceptable behavior, seek counseling for yourself then tell him you would like him to go along and maybe you can resolve the issue. If not, then if you want to move on and find someone you are more compatible with, then look on the bright side, atleast you didn't have to put your kids thru years of a miserable marriage.
2007-12-01 16:06:03 · answer #3 · answered by blondie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, it doesn't work that way. You can't change him. Only he can change himself. It won't be long and he will have you believing you are the dumbest person around.
He is the one that needs to grow up. Punishing you by not talking or playing the other games he does. Your reality is if you can live this way then don't complain. If you can't live this way, do something about it. Those are the two choices you have.
2007-12-01 16:11:32 · answer #4 · answered by Tetonka 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
marriage is about compromise and seeing other sides of things. if he can't take the time to listen to your side and compromise.... there's a problem. a lot of people (not just men) are very stubborn like that.
i don't think you should just divorce over this, like i said, marriage is about compromise. but he needs to realize that too. try to talk to him about that. you always give your husband/wife an extra chance and try extra hard because you made those final vows.
try to talk, see if that helps.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this
Best of luck dear
2007-12-01 16:03:59 · answer #5 · answered by pd♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my soon-to-be ex. He always had to be the one in control. He didn't want to me apply for this job or that job. I started feeling like I was 12 years old, and couldn't wait to "turn 18" to get out of the house. Unless you like that sort of behavior, it is definitely something to consider if you want to live like that for the rest of your life. My recommendation is to go to counseling before you make any huge decision. Good luck!
2007-12-01 16:04:22 · answer #6 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's been playing the 'ultimatum' card with you. You can play that as well. He is lacking important communication skills, if he doesn't start doing a little more 'listening' tell him you'll drag his butt to a marriage counselor.
2007-12-01 16:05:16 · answer #7 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you married a control freak and now you want him to
stop being one. Good luck.
2007-12-01 16:46:26 · answer #8 · answered by doodlebug 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just say no and make it stick, or you're in for a life of submissive resentful hell.
2007-12-01 16:03:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
go see a marriage councilor
2007-12-01 16:02:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋