Does anyone have some words of cheer for me?

Question

I'm not usually a whiner, but I was so depressed on Thursday morning at work, it scared me. I was almost crying, and I didn't even know why, specifically.

Sure, I have stress in my life, but who doesn't?
My elderly dad is losing his mind, and had yelled at me on Wednesday. His caregiver's husband had died, and he was angry that she wasn't coming that day.
I'm still grieving the loss of my husband ... 21 years ago. Isn't that ridiculous? It's been hitting me upside the head again this week for some reason.
I'm struggling to afford Christmas this year, but I'll manage; I always seem to. I just hate for it to be about money.
I don't get enough sleep -- that could be a major factor, or maybe a symptom.
I have no complaints at all about my health, my house, my car, my kids, my neighbors, my job, or anything else I can think of. I'm angry at myself for being sad; it makes it hard for me to be there emotionally for my youngest child, who is only 10. I feel like such an idiot.

Wow! So much input, and so many who've
been where I am.
JM - I don't have much faith, but I pray anyway.
Pat - Thanks; I'll email my best friend in Canyon and talk things out with her. She understands, too.
John - Don't think it's SAD, since I live in Texas, but the last couple of weekends have been gloomy. Something to think about ...
Lynn - thanks for the good wishes!
Silverfox - Maybe not ALL I need, but I'm sure it couldn't hurt ...
Isabella - I'll be cheery ...
BrY - You're right that we have no control over fate, only our acceptance of it.
Mike - Can't be reminded too many times that things will get better ... and they will.
Karyn - I cry often, just not at work! I'll keep looking at the positive, it's right in front of me.
Emily - you hit the nail on the head. Yep, I'm on my own. I do have a lack of support, and maybe that's a big factor; I'm the one doing all the caretaking, and no one is taking care of me. Except me.

Sprezz - I don't have time for a full night's sleep! But your situation makes me feel better on one hand, sadder on the other, and more like a whiner on the third (?)
Animemi - thanks for the vote of confidence; maybe it is time to talk to the doc again.
Lonepine - I'm not upset at my dad, but it's hard to deal with his yelling/dementia. You know, the child in me is still there, getting yelled at by the dad. As for antidepressants, they make me feel like I'm losing my mind, so that's out. I can't talk to a therapist ... literally. I actually lose my voice and can't speak. Have your heard of that? I'm sure there's something pathological involved.
Maureen - I do know how lucky I am ... that's why I feel bad about feeling bad. I'm pretty good at changing my attitude, but it can change back without warning. Scary. But thanks for the advice about Christmas giving alternatives!

luv - You're on the right track with the memories of better times, and how giving makes us feel better. That's what I like about my job.
felines - I'm not on tranks, but do you think coffee will work just as well? :D
Maisie - sounds like you've been where I am. The only way I can talk about my husband is in writing; I've written about him in my 360 blog. Thanks for your post; I don't feel so alone.
Lacey - No problem having a good cry here!
Mrs. Haggis - my doctor knows ALL about this problem, believe me!
Shari - a couple more gloomy weekends, and I'll be ready for the SAD lights.
Harley Lady - It's sort of an anniversary reaction, true. You can spend a virtual Christmas with me! Thanks for sharing ...
Ndnquah - You're right, I always want the holidays to be fun & wondrous for my little one. We do keep those memories forever - I have them, too.
Morgan - we'll be having that conversation soon...

Eve - you are right, right right. Knowing how lucky I am doesn't help shake the depression, and it's more complicated than just changing my attitude. Unfortunately, the drugs only make me weird. I have to deal with it other ways. Maybe I should change my attitude; what do you think? :D

JuJu - Thank you again; life IS short, it will always have its ups & downs. I'm going to see my daughter tonight. We'll go to a movie, have dinner, and go through some of her dad's things she picked up from her grandmother's house; THAT should be cathartic!

June - That's the way I still feel, even after all this time. I'm sorry for your loss; you know I understand.

Pumpkin - Luckily, I have lots of good memories. And thank you for the adorable story:)
Shortstuff - You know how it feels, too; caring for my daughter, who was badly hurt in the accident that killed my husband, kept me from grieving properly, I think. I was very strong then, people were amazed. They didn't know what the price was. I'll try not to be angry at myself.
Ncgirl - I have my brother, my three children, my ex ... a couple of people at work, my oldest friend who lives away ... I guess that's pretty god. I can't talk about it, though, literally. I'm sorry for your hard times; thank you for sharing your experience with me.
Wrong number - That's a great idea, and I'll try it. I have an online friend who mails me sunshine all the time ... I need to thank her.

Sandwich - thanks, a support group is a great idea. I'm the "only child in town." Visiting my daughter helped for a while, until we went through the collection of my husband's things - the old boxes of photos, scout badges, diplomas, yearbooks, newpaper clippings. I didn't cry until I was on my way home.

Sage - you're doing exactly what I am ... praying for strength, "this too shall pass," focusing on gratitude. It does help!
Gary - thanks for joining in, bro ... it's good to have friends out there who care. I'll swing by the joke section tonight!

Answer 1

It is truly the season for remembering and being sad. I too think about mom who has been gone almost 20 years and totally understand. Tempers flare at the drop of a hat, and it can be a very trying time. Hope you have someone close you can talk to and make it thru the first of the year. good luck . You are not alone!

Answer 2

You have a lot going on and this time of year seems to bring so many expectations. Maybe the memories of how your dad was and when you had your husband with you are just overwhelming you. I know during the holidays I sometimes get 'down' remembering what 'was'. All we can do is make new memories. Share whatever you can, even your time with others. When I give of myself to others, I'm always the one who is blessed.

The long winter days often brings on sadness for some, talk to your dr about the depression and treatment for that. Try to get outside, maybe do something with your child if you can. Make this a fun, memorable Christmas for yourself and those you love. Enjoy this time of being together and get plenty of rest, you'll feel much better.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a great year to come!

Answer 3

Please listen to lonepine as she knows what she's talking about. I can tell you from experience. You can not wish depression away, or laugh it away by watching a funny movie.
Also, when a person is depressed like you obviously are right now, it doesn't do any good to have people tell you that there are so many worse off than you. When depressed, a person
even a very loving, caring person by nature, doesn't get over it by thinking how " lucky" they are to have this or that. I fought depression for several years, a person just tends to feel so alone and like no one understands. I used to hate it ( but didn't show it) when people would say; " oh....I know how you feel." Unless you've been there, or are a proffesional like lonepine, you do not know how one feels in the darkest recesses of there minds at a time like this. I can only tell you to Run, not Walk, to your doctor and ask him what he thinks about putting you on antidepressants. You will not believe how different you will feel in a few weeks. That is if your doctor thinks this is best for you. I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you right now and I just think that you will look back at this as a low point in your life that you have overcome. It is just normal to have several things hit you at once when you feel this way too. Don't be angry at yourself. I hope only good things for you my dear.....I overcame it and you can too.
I just want to add that there are so many different antidepressants these days and not everyone can use the same. Sometimes doctors have to try 2 or 3 before they get it right. Don't give up on them please.

Answer 4

Happy Holidays and hugs to you. I lost my Mother in Oct.1987, my Dad in Dec.1883 and my husband in Nov.1984. So, yes, no matter what I am doing this time of the year, I always feel overwhelmed with sadness and the weather does not help. Today is dark and gloomy with freezy rain.I have no children, so I am all alone during the holidays.My friends always assume someone else includes me in their festivities, but they don't.Christmas is about the memories also. Maybe your 10 year old and you can bake some treats for your Dad and his caregiver and you could sing some Christmas caroles. Or, check into organizations that help provide Christmas to low income families that are struggling.You are not alone with your feelings. Take care!

Answer 5

looks like I am late in getting to this and for that I apologise. I was in therapy for 2 years, death,divorce,leaving my home of 17 years and my 3 grandsons behind (it felt like I was doing that).Life just caved in and I was sad, angry, heartbroken, lost.

In therapy my therapist had me do a little chart. You draw a circle and write your name in the center. Around the edge of the circle you write the people that are important to you, the ones that will support you, pets and so forth, anything or anyone you love and that loves you back. There! you have your support group. Now you put this on your fridge and look at it everyday. It will really change your life as you look each day and know how much these people mean to you.

Write,,, it can be a journal or letters, write a letter to your dad from your heart. Write a letter to you late husband,tell him everything you want to say to him as if he were there in front of you.

Next if you can, talk to someone you trust. Talking it out is really amazing.

I hope you feel better soon. Yes it is a season for depression but you can and you will beat this intruder in your life right now.

Sit beside a window and let the light or sun shine on your face for as long as you like but at least 30 minutes. Sorry this was so long.

I wish you well.

Answer 6

Rent a feel good movie. Here’s my recommendation; The Milagro Beanfield War, Notting Hill or Mumford. They perk me up and make me laugh. Then I think back about things that happened that were funny in my past. Here’s one. Years ago my wife and our two older daughters were discussing their weight. They would go into the bathroom and get on the scales and looked down at their feet and watched the numbers climb on the scale. They did this a couple of times but the last time the youngest daughter (age three) come out grumpy. They wanted to know why she was grumpy. She said that she wanted to go in and get on the scales so she could see how big her feet were like the rest of them. Try living in your good memories, look around in your head they are there.

Answer 7

Maybe you are suffering from that depression illness caused
by your surroundings being dim or even dark due to winter
weather and cloudy skies? It's possible that it can be your
problem now. People aren't born with this, and it's a godsend
to buy those special lights to put in to make things brighter
and we find it more easy to cope with winter. I don't know if
they are irredescent bulbs, but I'm sure a Home Depot or
somthing similar would have what you're looking for. And
they can find them in the store for you, or maybe refer you
elsewhere. I have heard they work wonders on your psychie
to vastly improve your outlook. You might look into buying
one or two of them soon. It's worth a try.

Answer 8

Change your thinking and you will find that things around you will change. Don't be angry at yourself, that will only make things worse. You could be low in a certain mineral or vitimin and you could try B complex, that really assists me.

Christmas can be particularly hard if you have lost a loved one, but it is up to you to get through it.

Christmas can be a wonderful time of year, for all your family. You can choose to make it that way. Children will remember Christmas when they were children and it is up to you that they have good memories. Bring on the tree, bring on the decorations, start thinking about holiday food. Listen to the Christmas season music.,

We cannot expect to be happy when we are thinking unhappy thoughts. No one change your thinking but yourself and I bet you can do that easily. You have so much going for you as you mention, your health, your house, your car, your kids, your neighbors, your job. Do you not know how lucky you are. When you get up in the mornings, give thanks and gratitude for the day in front of you and it will help to start your mood of in a positive mode.

There are so many homeless, without families., with out warmth, without food. There is always those in need.
Giving is a good feeling. Instead of present last year I gave a donation in each persons name to the children with aids in Darfur, Africa. Why don't you try that and that in itself will make you feel better. Only buy presents per say, for the young children.

I am doing the same thing this year. Putting the receipts into each Christmas card., and give them to my adult children and older grandchildre. They are all doing to same thing in their families this year. That will boost your spirits!.

Answer 9

I hope your visit with your daughter last night gave you a little break.

Sometimes tears come as a way to relieve stress. Please try not to be angry with yourself for feeling sad or crying. You are not an idiot, so don't call yourself names either. Be kind to yourself.

I agree with everyone who suggests you see your doctor. Even though you've felt this way before, our health can change over time. Then consider finding treatment for your lack of sleep and feeling so sad. Many people need to try different counselors and different medications until they find the right combination for them. I hope you will give this another shot.

Since no one is taking care of you, but you, then it is very important that you take very good care of yourself. Consider finding a caretaker support group-especially groups for folks caring for people with dementia. It might seem like you don't have time for this, but the time you invest in meeting with these folks might be well worth it-the attention, understanding, and practical advice can be tremendous. I'm sure it stings when your dad yells at you; your head might know his disease causes his outbursts, but your heart can still be tender.

Kids can be resilient, seeing you sad isn't fun for them, but I think kids can be far more understanding than we give them credit for. One thing that has worked for my daughters and I is to involve them in the chores and planning for the holidays. Doing things together gives them the attention they crave and gives you a helping hand. Early on I had to force myself to do this, but the payoff for me was the pride they took in the chores they did.

Take care!

Answer 10

you are clinically depressed. all the things you mentioned have made you depressed, let me break some down for you. The loss of your hubby probably started it 21 yrs ago,in that you never got over grieving him,then you had kids to deal with,a sick father which by the way you should not get upset about when he yells at you since he is not in his right mind,my grandma who I adored accused me of stealing her toaster when I went to see her when she had begun to lose her mind,just try to shrug it off,Xmas is a very stressful time of yr,money issues also make it stressful,and you have a 19 yr old who wants to celebrate and sees you like you are. Please take this advice from me,who has been an RN in the psych field for more yrs than I care to remember.See someone, talk to your primary MD and start on a med for depression, maybe he can give you samples and stay on them for at least 6 wks before you decide if they are working, it takes that long to begin working.If sleeping is difficult its because you have so much on your mind,talk to a few friends and ask them for names of therapists or call a local hospital and ask for names,most will reduce their fees if you don't have money, best of luck and know that people do care,I am concerned and hope you get thru this trying time.