She keeps phoning and emailing trying to talk to him. She even phoned my answering machine once! She left me a message saying she had sex with him when he visited her and the kids last month, but I know he didn't. He moved to Canada two years ago, and he's only seen her a few times since then. Someone told her about us. She keeps emailing and saying that she must talk to him. I can't stand it - she wants to ask him why he lied to her and didn't tell her about me. It's harrassment, stalking, isn't it? I'm so scared she might come round to our house, or phone me again. They've got five kids together, and he doesn't pay any money to her but he does pay a mortgage on a house. He was trying to sell it - but then she moved back in and the realtor told her she had a right to stay. What can we do to stop his wife getting in the way? They are still married, but I know he's filed divorce. He hasn't told her he filed so she'll just get the papers soon. Why should he support her now?
2007-12-01 07:30:38 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm a teacher at a high school and I can't take the stress. I cry all day and take anti-anxiety medicine just to get through. He's a mathematician and he says he's not good at emotions, but this is the best relationship I have ever had. I don't want anything to spoil it, I love him so much. I'm so lucky to have him.
2007-12-01 07:32:35 · update #1
You are crazy if you really think he is your boyfriend. Your just a fling. Accept it.
Good luck.
2007-12-01 07:34:36 · answer #1 · answered by box of rain 7 · 6⤊ 3⤋
You two are lucky you don't live in Biblical Times, as you both would have been stoned to death....for adultery. Be prepared to be verbally stoned, tho...and you two deserve it.
One, his primary obligation is to his five children. Period. It's tough trying to meet the financial demands that children place apon the parent who has primary physical custody....he needs to step up to the plate and start supporting his children......and THAT is the primary reason she's calling him.It is NOT stalking or harrasment.
And why should five innocent children be made to pay the price of their father's infidelity? They come before everybody, Hon....including you, the Mistess. They should do without what they need so you and their father can have a cushy life...at their expense? These are children! And you a teacher? She as his legal wife has all the rights in the eyes of the law....
As far as whether he had sex with her on that visit..unless you went with him and he was never left alone with her, you don't know for sure if he did or he didn't. And sorry to say if a man will cheat/deceive his wife he'll lie to ANYBODY..including you. Especially a man who is looking to abandom his own flesh and blood, his children.
I am sorry for you, really but Hon,the wife has all the rights here,legally, where her husband is concerned,Mistresses don't.
Now let me give you a reality check.....the wife in a divorce will be awarded child support if she's the custodial parent,she may be awarded maintenance for a period of time so she can become self-supporting.....and the marital property wil be divided according to the State law where the
marriage took place. Only that state,however has the legal right to dictate what happens to the marital property so if the husband obtains a divorce out of the state where they resided for most of the marriage, any other state or country cannot award him any marital property for it's out of their legal jurisdiction so, he may be able to obtain a canadian divorce but he can kiss all marital assets good bye unless he divorces her in the state they lived in. As far as child support/maintenance well here again if the children are US citizens the canadian courts have no jurisdiction over them as far as that is concerned, but it doesn't mean the wife can't file for child support dispite the fact her husband now lives in Canada...if she's smart she'll hire a lawyer well aquainted with this type of international divorce.....all in all it's gonna be a very long, expensive mess so be prepared......especially if she can contest the divorce. Some states are still fault states, so if he divorces her in the state the marriage took place, she may be able to prevent him from obtaining one...or make him wait a long time. If they has sex recently, or the courts believe they did....well then there may be no separation in the eyes of the court hearing the petition for divorce. Just an adulterous man looking to get off scott free from his moral and legal obligations. So if there's a specific ammount of time for living apart with no sexual relations before a no-fault or uncontested divorce can be granted...oh well start counting now......
So this is what you get when you mess with a married man.
My sympathies are with the wife and children as they are the wronged parties...they've been done dirty and you've had a hand in it,m'dear. They are the victims, not you or your Lover. You have enabled a married man with five 5 innocent children to commit adultery....and you a woman who teaches children....jeeze I don't believe it.
...and once a cheater always a cheater. I guarentee in a few years you're gonna know exactly how the poor wife & kids feel......oh, BTW, we have the same first name....and I'm ashamed someone behaving as you have,shares that name with me.......
2007-12-01 16:13:46 · answer #2 · answered by The Original GarnetGlitter 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Teacher, you skipped this lesson when you were a student, didn't you. Tell him to come back when the divorce is final. Your unprotected butt is sticking out, baby, and you better cover up. All the emotional minuses aside about flinging with a married man, you've got practical reasons to call at least a temporary halt. Soon-to-be-ex-wife has all the cards here -- the bigger a stink she makes about you two, the more it hurts him in the divorce settlement, and it might well cost you your teaching position. And when she gets those papers, be sure she'll go for it. By the way, don't respond to her calls or e-mails with anything you don't want read back in court -- her need for evidence may be why you're getting the insistent messages. I'd prepare myself for a special guest appearance at their divorce trial. Here's hoping the school board doesn't notice. Good luck to you and him.
2007-12-01 15:54:59 · answer #3 · answered by David W 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I was the wife in your case!!!!!!.
And I can't begin to tell you how much heartache the other woman caused me, my friends & my family . My world fell apart when I found out that my husband (of 8 yrs) was having an affair. He confessed, and altho 2 years have passed since my husband cheated on me , I will never forget the pain that I went thru.
I took awhile but I forgave my husband and took him back because I love him and we've worked things out. Some times, I wonder if an affair ever took place in our lives because we are so good together. Infact the affair brought us closer.
As for the other woman, she is no more than a mistake in his life and she is certainly off his' mind and sadly, thats how it will be for you too.
When u play with fire, you get burnt - Stop it right away.
A married man with kids' will ALWAYS have his' kids and their mother in his heart. No one can take that away from him.
Leave them alone and get on with life. I am sure there are many (single) men available.....
Take it from me - Dont be a part or the reason to break a family ! Remember too, what goes around, comes around.
Life is after all, a cirlce.
2007-12-01 17:37:56 · answer #4 · answered by Blue Rose 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you know he's filed for divorce? He's lied to her, why wouldn't he tell you what you want to hear?
The excuse that mathematicians are not 'good with emotions' is a poor one and plays on a stereotype of the closed-off science guy. Sorry, that's just a play for sympathy that we former English Lit majors do not buy!
Plus he has more baggage than the airport check-in line at Christmas.
I think everybody else has said the other things that are springing to mind regarding the fact that she is his wife and has been left in the lurch with 5 (5!!) children who are also his kids, and are currently without their dad - and innocent parties, whatever you may think of his wife. As a teacher, you will know how children can be affected by this.
2007-12-01 15:51:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Havent you realised that no good can come of a relationship with a married man. Clearly the man has issues and by not supporting his wife with 5 children......glory woman have you lost your senses? This man is one day going to treat you the same way. He has issues undealt with and is simply dragging them all into your relationship, which is actually not fair to you. If he left her for you, then I am afraid you are getting what you deserve. Open your eyes.l You are supposed to be an educated woman. ANy man who leaves his wife and children has to pay maintenance and that means the ex wife and children will always be a part of your life. Do you really want that? His children will resent you for being involved with their dad and breaking up the family. No one can build happiness at the expense of others.
Get out of this scenario while you still can. You deserve much better than this trail of doom.
I hope you see the light and let this man go and never look back with regrets - he has made his own bed - let him lie on it on his own. This relationship is doomed my girl. RUn as fast as you can!
2007-12-01 15:43:37 · answer #6 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You asked this yesterday and you got the same type of answers. Do you really think people on here are going to tell you that your right for feeling the way you do. Not only did the husband and you ruin this guys family your stupid for think this man isn't going to do the same thing to you. Plus if you didn't want to deal with an ex then you shouldn't have got involved with a married man that has kids.
Also if you want to be with this man never have any kids with him because he doesn't take care of the 5 he already has.
2007-12-01 15:56:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Darn girl that sure is a Lotta cold advise above huh, I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better but the truth is that they are all right. I would however suggest that you save and document all the calls, e-mails etc. and take them to the authority's. This lady sounds sincerely scorned and might come looking for some revenge. I'd definitely get a restraining order on her just in case, it just might pay to have your paperwork straight and your ducks Ina row...
2007-12-01 15:58:39 · answer #8 · answered by Jezmanrulz-PWC-WRW 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all sweetheart< any man that doesnt pay any child support to his ex wife is a shithead. He laid down and helped make them kids, then he needs to help support them (what an IDIOT!!!)second of all if he messed around on his wife with you, how long do you think it will be before he does the same thing to you.... maybe you two need some time apart so that you can really think about what your getting into with this man. You need to let his sorry a** go and find yourself a sexy unattched man who has no excess baggage to bring with him.Then you will be able to have a healthy relationship without looking over your shoulder everytime you go out, and you wouldn"t have to worry about gettin anymore phone calls.
GIRL!!!! No man is worth loseing your life over... REMEMBER THAT............
2007-12-01 15:57:35 · answer #9 · answered by bermy_badgirl 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all... GROW THE HECK UP! And what on God's creation are you doing with a married man that has 5 children?
One she has all the rights in the world to bug him, to keep the house, and demand so much more.
Do you expect the kids to eat the house and clothes their back with it?
Do you realize it takes about 1.2 mill to raise just ONE child?
Do you know it is against the law, in any State, to not pay for your children? IT IS!
Furthermore, do you even have any proof that he filed? If he did, she would have already gotten the papers.
In addition, THEY ARE STILL MARRIED until it is final! You my dear, are just the whore. In the laws eyes and hers. In which, could affect your teaching job. Hmm... What should you do?
2007-12-01 15:51:56 · answer #10 · answered by JD 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if he would screw around on her, what makes you think he wouldn't screw around on you? Secondly, if he really has filed for divorce, maybe he should let her know instead of waiting for her to get the papers. She is probably hurting very badly right now and needs to know how serious he is about not wanting to be with her. However, if you are a teacher, what kind of examples do our children have these days? What ever happened to good honest people who have morals and values? If he is still married, he shouldn't be fooling around with ANYONE! I just got engaged and stories like this just tear me up!
2007-12-01 15:43:19 · answer #11 · answered by blondie 2 · 7⤊ 0⤋