How can I make my husband take better care of himself?

Question

Before we met, my husband was obviously taking care of himself. He exercised and watched his weight, and brushed his teeth. He was and still is a very handsome man (facewise). We've been married for 5 years, and now his BMI is considered obese. I keep telling him that he needs to do something about his weight because his family has a history of health issues and I don't want to become a widow. Recently, he said he is fed up with me telling him that. So, now I guess I am stuck with a man who's going to keep getting bigger and probably will die before me.

Of course I love him, but the things he's doing are just carelessness. It's not like he can't help himself. He doesn't even brush his teeth and I don't even like to kiss him anymore. What's worse is that now when we have gatherings where one brings his/her spouse, I feel reluctant to bring him because of the way my husband looks like now.

Some of you will say for better or worse, but what if he can control those things?

Answer 1

I don't think there is anything you can say that will make him change. He has to WANT to get in shape and put the effort in.

You could start by ensuring that only healthy low sodium, low fat organic food is around the house. Then when you see him you should prod his stomach and make Pilsbury Doughboy sounds.

Then tell him you don't sleep with fatties, and don't.

Answer 2

Certainly your not wrong for expecting your husband to bathe and brush his teeth. Jeez. We all get a little lazy sometimes, but getting cleaned up for company or before you go out isn't asking too much. I wont even kiss my wife and wouldn't want to kiss her without both of us brushing (other than a lil peck).

Leave him at home when you go to family gatherings. If he wants to go somewhere, refuse unless he cleans up first. Reassure him all the while that you do love him, but that being a fat slob all the time is not acceptable.

You can also do little things to make him wonder if your not looking elsewhere for love. Get really dressed up and go to the store and don't buy anything. When he asks where you went, tell him "oh, just went window shopping" He wont believe you. Do this often. Get your hair done. Bring home some slinky outfits and nighties but don't wear them in front of him (make sure he is aware of them). Give him a little incentive to get off his duff. A little competition tends to get our attention.

Answer 3

He NEVER brushes his teeth?

That's just gross. Pack up your stuff and move to another bedroom. Tell him that you love him but that you aren't interested in having a sexual relationship with someone who isn't even willing to do the BASIC hygiene routine...and give him 30 or 60 days (or whatever) to change his ways or you'll be out the front door, not just out the bedroom door.

I'd suggest serious counseling as well, at least for you. If he won't agree to go, that tells you how much he cares.

Answer 4

Maybe what might wanna do is stop mentioning it for a while little by little you can bring it or try to go walking or start making more healthier things to eat. or i don't know your guys eating habits. but why all of sudden he started doing this?
I think the more you tell him the more hes not gonna do it have you ever heard the saying " you can lead the horse to the water but you cant make it drink it"?
i would stay clear of that subject for a little bit then take it from there

Answer 5

Your husband is depressed. He needs clinical help, but you may have a hard time convincing him of it. Maybe he has a close friend that could have a man-to-man talk with him? If you leave him untreated he will die before his time; worst of all, he would have missed the opportunity to enjoy life and have an awesome marriage...

Don't give up yet, keep trying to help him.

Answer 6

You sound very judgemental! I'm in the same boat as you with my husband, all except he brush his teeth and has good hygiene!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My thing is the preacher says for better or for worst! Maybe your nagging him about it, which depress him even more to stay the way he is! You can't be his wife and his mother!!!!!!!!!! So let it be until he is ready to handle the situation your to pray on it and let him find his way not nag him and make the situation worst! You can just love him for who and what he is regardless!!!!!!!!!! I got tired of explaining to my husband about his health so I left it alone!!!!!!

Answer 7

Personally, when I found myself in the same position, Nothing seemed to work as far as me changing him. It helped to go with him to the doctor and say encouraging things. I believe each of us has a child inside that can sometimes be; well, childish. You might ask yourself about his history, what has changed in the last five years and what can I do to help him, as obiously you still love him. I wish you both the best.

Answer 8

The first fact you need to accept is you cannot control him or make him do anything.

This leaves you with the only logical recourse that I can think of and that you tell him everything you told us.

I wonder if he is suffering from depression and is self medicating that depression with food or alcohol. In that case, it may be time to consider and intervention.

Good luck. I will pray for you.

Answer 9

Its the same way with my father lol well you know i watch my mother say the same thing my father doesnt listen you know what you got to do simple just ignore him dont feed cook whatever get take out for u & kids once he realises on his own he will do make necessary changes pronto hes not doing it now since he feels your nagging him

Answer 10

I think you first need to let him know that no matter what you're not going anywhere. His desire to take care of himself must come from inside, and not from outside pressure. If I were you, I would focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, for example, is he faithful to you, does he go to work everyday, etc. If you think about how lucky you are, it will show in your attitude, and will inspire him to give you his best self.

Good luck to you.