how do get over having an affair and you are still in love with who you had the affair with?

Question

but she will not commucate with you only when she wants you too

Answer 1

she's probably hurting too, and maybe the best way for her to deal with it is to stay away from you as well. Maybe she feels like you took advantage of her in some way....or maybe the guilt of the affair is hurting her conscience and she needs to stop all contact and do the right thing. If you love her, get a divorce and then try to contact her. Dont do it while you're still married, but if you do TRUST me, you will have ALOT of a$$ kissing to do, my friend.
-rad girl

Answer 2

I don't understand why folks see fit to be so holier-than-thou on here.

Is she, too, having an affair? I posted a question earlier today about marrieds dating marrieds & does that work out for anyone. Naturally, I got lots of judgmental comments assuming I was the one involved (I'm a bartender, and have a few such customers, but not the guts to ask them in person).

Does your spouse know? Probably best to keep your personal feelings personal.

If your beloved is also having an affair, it may just be that it's too risky for her to be available as much as you'd like. May also be that she's trying to make sure you don't get caught.

E-mail me if you'd like to chat

Answer 3

It's called COMMITTMENT. If you were not ready for a full and self willed committment to your partner, why get involved? Why ask how to get over an affair if you are still trying to communicate with her. Clearly you do not want to get over the affair for the sake of your loving parner. You want to get over it because you cannot have the person you cheated with. That is immaturity and selfishness.

When you decide you want to live your life with morals and integrity, get yourself into counseling and figure out why you are making the decisions you are making. Then with that add a dose of reality and what it might feel like for you to be treated the way you are treating your partner. How do you think you would feel. I ask that since it seems you think only about you anyways.

As one who has been cheated on and treated horribly, I can tell you that it is a very painful experience that leaves unerasable emotional scars.

What goes around comes around. Live your life with integrity lest it be you that gets the same treatment you give to others.

Answer 4

You don't get over it

Obviously, if you loved your affair, you do not love your wife as much as one should love a spouse

Work on the relationship with your spouse or seperate

It is better to be alone and happy then together and hapless

Good luck and God bless you!

Answer 5

Are you really in love with her, or you in love with the idea of her.

Some people fall in love with the infactuation of a person, thinking that it is the "ideal mating", when really it is an attraction to that person because they feel that something is missing from their life.

What are you missing in your relationship that you feel you may get in this one? You need to talk to your spouse and let her know how you feel. Hopefully you will be able to rebuild the communication between the two of you so that you can heal, grow, and move on.

LEt the affair go. It's not love. It's sex, lust, and danger. Nothing productive comes out of an affair.

Good luck

Answer 6

It hurts, doesn't it? I'm in the same boat. I think of him 24/7. I'm in love with him and he only sees fit to torture me now and again with a meaningless message every coupla weeks.. The reason she's acting distant is... I'm guessing maybe your lady friend wants more? She knows you're married so you obviously can't commit to her. She probably is going to shop elsewhere, for someone who can be with her all night long and with no espionage. Also, she probly doesn't respect you as much as you need because you're a cheat. But how do you get over it? I wish I knew.

Answer 7

thats a tough one my friend. you are in a situation where you are constantly left wanting, seeking, but only to have a string dangled in front of your face... try to get a cat to stop playing with yarn, it's impossible. what you need is will power of a serious and often lacking sort. love and danger is like mixing heroine and cocaine, and I'm not being facetious at all with this analogy.

have you ever quit smoking cigarettes? it's the same process. put it out of your mind, outsource your addiction. i always find that when I try to quit one vice, another vice suddenly takes hold..

if you are moderately athletic, try picking up paintball. it gets out that primal urge to hunt and kill, and packs a mean punch of adrenaline. anything to stimulate you and hold you interest will help. idle hands are the devil plaything, you will suffer when you aren't distracted... hookers maybe?

it's a long road my friend, i've been there, but you can get out of it.. right now your balls are in the vice, but they'll be out

Answer 8

You have given someone part of your heart, and you will probably feel the pain for several years. If you are married, you will also feel a similar pain if you lose your wife. If your girlfriend is married, she may be going through the same pain or guilt with her relationship with her husband.

If you can, try to create one committed relationship. We need to build our lives with love, and stop hurting each other.

Answer 9

if you don't want to be married and be a complete loser who hurts people around him...then get a freakin' divorce already.

I seriously don't understand the whole cheating thing...why even get married or be married if you just want to #@$@ somebody over? There really is no type of pain like the pain you feel when you've been betrayed by somebody you love and trust. It seems you've never felt that type of pain.

Answer 10

You grow up, be a MAN and either work on the relationship where you made your vows, or get a divorce and a life.

Maybe she doesn't want to speak to you because she's trying to do the right thing....and doesn't respect you any more because you're still trying to eat your cake and have it too.