Feeling bad for my friend?

Question

My friend has gained about 115 pounds since highschool. I love her, and when she comes to me for weight loss advice (I weigh the same that I did in highschool and have had children) I ALWAYS give her all of the help I can, but she doesn't use it, and complains about her weight. I haven't seen her in about a year and she posted some pics on her website. The other night she kept referring to herself as a "fine looking woman" and so on, complaining about how her husband isn't interested in her. When I saw her pics, I didn't comment on them because she's not trying to lose weight, and she doesn't look as good as she thinks. I don't know what to say. This may sound shallow, but I'm being truthful. When I met her she weighed 105 10 years and 0 kids later she weighs like 215. She often comments about certain foods and how good they are, and then complains that she can't lose weight. Should I tell her what I think or just hold my tongue for the sake of our friendship?

No, she's not tall, she's 5'4 and I think she weighs more than she's confessing, but I suppose if I were that heavy I wouldn't tell it all either. I just don't know how to go about it, I wonder if it would help motivate her to try harder if I did though?

I can't exercise with her because she lives 2 hours away, she always says that if she lived here she would be think like me because we would hang out more, and I know she's right.

Answer 1

i would tel her in the niceest way possible. her weight is affecting her health and can kill her. some people are in denial and there wieght and needs a wake up call. she might be mad at u but if she begins to lose wieght u help her out. so dont worry about it so much.


good luck

Answer 2

Yes, hold your tongue for now. You may think she doesn't look good, you are entitled to have your private opinion but if she likes being the way she is then what gives you the right to judge? To be honest though, I don't think she is happy if she is really unfit and carrying a lot of fat.

But still I don't think anyone appreciates suddenly receiving the kind of harsh comments you want to make to your friend. Don't tell her what you think of her weight unless she asks specifically, and if she does then be diplomatic and praise her other good points. Just be there for her as a friend if you can.

Perhaps the two of you can go jogging or to the gym together? that'd be a good way to offer support.

Answer 3

Personally, I think honesty is the best way to go. No one likes people lying and keeping them in the dark, and lying is one of the major reasons most people fight when they are friends.
Being a friend means telling her your HONEST opinion no matter what because that's how it goes. I'm not saying you should be blunt and cold about it, but do it gently and let her know that you are there for her and aren't trying to make her feel bad. Sort of ease into it and tell her that but don't forget to mention the good things about her appearance that she may not realize she has because she is obsessing over her weight. Don't flood her with compliments, you aren't trying to boost her ego. Remember to keep mentioning that you are there for her and how you will support her. Maybe making a few suggestions of food that you like which is very healthy and lean. Good luck hun, hope I helped.

Answer 4

If she comes to you for weight advice, then tell her the TRUTH. If she chooses dough-nuts over your friendship, then you have your answer. You are enabling her by acting as if every thing's OK.

She's not stupid - she sees Oprah and all those make-over shows. She KNOWS how she looks. I believe in tough love. And if you love her, then that's what you'll do.

However, don't get sucked into being her buddy 24-7 if she shows no progress. You can lead a cow to water, but you can't make her drink. Her issues run deeper than I perceive you may be prepared to handle.

Answer 5

The next time she complains about her weight, you could recommend Weight Watchers (if you haven't already). If she lives in your town, you might also try going for walks together. It sounds, however, as if her case is serious enough that she should see a doctor about it. Keep in mind that all you can do is be there for her and be supportive of her wish to lose weight--anything further, she'll have to decide for herself.

Answer 6

If she really doesn't want to lose your friendship then she'll understand you only want to help her. Try to say in a friendly way without judging or commenting about the way she eats or talks about food. Help her by giving her solutions and encourage her. Friends should help and support each other. Best of luck.

Answer 7

Well I think you should tell her, it might not help her, and your freindship might end but one thing is for sure :one should tell her the truth.She doesnt need to be told that she 's fat cause she already knows that, she needs to be helped and be motivated somehow, cause from your story she is kinda self deluded about her weight. Of course you have to take her into the discussion gently, she might get angry or worse never want to talk to you again. Good luck and there's no need to feel bad about nobody.

Answer 8

tell her what u think FOR the sake of friendship, you should be concerned about someone that weight (unless she's like 6'2 tall) it can be pretty dangerous if she continues gaining so much weight.

Answer 9

Friendship is all good I suggest you give here the honest picture in a subtle manner with any tips that may be usefull in weight loss. Please do not hurt her feelings by being blunt.

Answer 10

maybe u should just tell her. if she is bragging so much on a website maybe she can handle a small amount of critisim. who knows? but sometimes people need to know the truth even if it hurts. but I would just break it too her easily i guess.