my mom met this guy and he seemed like the perfect match, they were together like 3 years before he asked her to marry him. they've been married for about a year now, and my sister and i had to move about 200 miles away from everyone we knew, our friends, family, and our home. and then his daughter, who is 22,moved in and took my room. she has totally overstayed her welcome by breaking all the rules and being rude. my mom doesnt want to discipline her, since shes not her daughter, but her dad wont do anything about it. so first of all, what should we do with her?
heres the other bigger problem. every since they got married, my stepdad has totally changed into a totally mean person, not the guy she married. and the money has been bad, so i know that contributes to it, but the only time he is happy is when he is coming home from is friends house after beer. my mom doesnt know what to do. she feels he doesnt want her there anymore, that he doesnt want to be around her etc. she is thnking
2007-12-01 05:31:34 · 7 answers · asked by corky 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
about getting a divorce becasue she knows that nobody is happy. he also doesnt want to pay the bills and its so bad that we have to turn our ringer off because his creditors call ever 30 minutes to talk to him. my sister and i dont do anything, or we correct him, and he says that "we think we are superior and we know everything". and we get mad at him because he always snaps at my mom and i dont like to see her get treated that way when she doesnt deserve it at all. i dont like living here because everyone is just so weird and different. also, when my mom talks about divorce, my sister kind of eggs her on, but i feel bad about it because i feel like im breaking up the marriage if this is just a phase and maybe its meant to be... so i kind of feel guilty about that.
what should we do?
i dont really know why im writing, but i feel kind of hopeless about the situation...
any advice would be great, thank you so much for listening to me ramble! :)
2007-12-01 05:35:51 · update #1
Well, Corky...you said two things that throw red flags.
a) "...the only time he is happy is when he is coming home from his friends house after beer."
and
b) "he doesnt want to pay the bills "
The two parents need to sit together and resolve their financial issues. Unless they are all his creditors. In which case, Mom needs to make sure her name Never goes on any joint accounts, nor does he add her to his accounts, and should she want a divorce, she needs to ask to not be held liable for her husbands pre-marital debt.
As far as the drinking goes, this is an avoidance mechanism. So, now we all know he's not really into facing his responsibilities.
Regarding the 22 year old, ignore it. She's got him for a father so naturally there are going to be issues. If you guys are getting out, then her and her issues are moot.
And yes, Mom needs to take a serious look at divorcing herself and you girls from this situation.
The three of you need to talk. What is the healthiest answer for the three of you? How do you accomplish that? Does everyone have the same goal, are you all in agreement?
Then take action.
It's tough, hon. I wish you all the best, and God bless you and yours, Corky.
2007-12-01 05:51:41 · answer #1 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh, the trials and tribulations of the blended family. Unfortunately, some women in this society believe they can't make it without a man to protect them. Sometimes, they don't consider the consequences, especially when there are other children involved. Your mother really has no say in the disciplining of an adult daughter of her husband. Your only hope is to wait until you're old enough to move out on your own. In the mean time, do whatever you can to make the atmosphere acceptable and don't create more problems. Sorry to say, but the marriage may not last anyway.
2007-12-01 13:46:13 · answer #2 · answered by TatersPop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as though this guy wasn't prepared to get involved with a built in family. I probably has mixed feelings between the step kids and his daughter..... he may feel some levels of guilt if he didnt provide well for his daughter.... With all this being said, it is really mom's job to manage her relationship. You want to avoid a team thing ....like it is us against them. The guy is obviously stressed and isnt handling it well.
I dont know how old you are so the only suggestions I can make here are for you are:
dont run into trouble in school
clean up after yourself in the house
try to avoid confrontations and be respectfull
let mom handle her relationship
It isnt much but good luck.
2007-12-01 14:53:08 · answer #3 · answered by mpasnick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, hard situation. Try talking to your mom about how you feel about your step dad and the the sister who is staying over time. If things arent working out between your mom and step dad, then that is their problem they have to deal with. You dont need to worry about that but what is going on with you. You cant change what happens with your mom and step dad. Try to be close with your mom and let them work it out. Be close with your sister as well, because she may be having trouble as well.
2007-12-01 13:36:58 · answer #4 · answered by sierra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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alt="Click here to join therealfamilylife">2007-12-01 13:57:17 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom to tell the guy either the 22 yr old deadbeat brat goes and they go to counseling or she goes.
2007-12-01 13:36:29 · answer #6 · answered by Joe F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its more ur mom's descison's than urs and i think u have the right to feel guilty. but, theres not much u can do, but try ur best, instead of encouraging ur mom, to maybe just make her horrible husband less welcome.
2007-12-01 13:39:10 · answer #7 · answered by daydreamer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋