I am dating a guy that i've been seeing for about a month and a half. I really care for him and am possibly falling in love with him...although I don't feel that it has reached that point yet. Anyway he is from another country and is here to go to school. He has family here and all over the US but his parents are in another country. From the very beginning of our relationship he has told me that he is very marriage minded and ready to settle down. Being that we are from different countries and cultures, our values are very different. We both just turned 25 and are working on our Masters degrees, but while he feels ready to settle down, I am not. Anyway, now he is pressuring me to marry him. I really care for him and could see myself with him in the future but marriage is a huge step. PLUS, he wants to do it at a court house, and corny as it is, i've always pictured myself having an old fashioned wedding. He pretty much told me that if I don't do this then he will
2007-12-01 05:01:11 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
End the relationship, and if I am not willing to marry him then he is waisting his time. He is the first guy i've felt this way about in so long and I do not want to lose him. I asked him why he couldn't wait until we are both sure and he says he is sure now. As dumb as it is, I have actually considered going through with this; however, I know that it is probably the wrong move to make. I have two days to think about this. How do I convince him to put the marriage plans on hold without losing him? Help!
2007-12-01 05:04:01 · update #1
i would be very Leary of someone who was pressuring me to marry with only knowing them a month. in a month u can't really know what your getting. never let anyone threaten u with leaving if u don't do what they want. he sounds very manipulative to me and if he really loved u he would allow time and not be so bossy. if u marry him this is just a portion of what to expect from him, controlling, demanding, going to leave u if he doesn't get his way.
2007-12-01 05:09:15 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all you stated that you had been seeing this guy about a month and a half , and that you really care for him , but you also said you dont feel that it has reached the point of marriage yet and in a month or so I can totally understand that , but you are talking about the commitment of a life time , and if you know you are not ready for it then it would be a huge mistake , you said you know your not ready to settle down and knowing that you would just be hurting yourself and him by marrying him at this time , you would also need to work on the differences in your values because you would not want that to be a big issue after your married , I have to wonder why he is in such a hurry , for him to be pressuring you to get married right away shows that he is not concerned with your feelings about this and that is not a good way to start out , he sounds a little controlling to me , and it should be up to you also where you get married at , this is supposed to be something taken seriously , and it should be the best day of your life, if he is not willing to wait untill you are both ready then if I were you I would have to explain to him that until I was ready also there would be no wedding , dont cause yourself to regret this later , explain your feelings to him and if he doesn't want to wait then that should be a good sign to you that your marriage may not work,and I would have to let him decide what he wanted to do , if he chooses to go to someone else then he may be saving you alot of heartache later, if he chooses to understand your feelings and wait then that is showing you he loves you enough to do that. good luck
2007-12-01 05:19:12 · answer #2 · answered by lilsis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not make the huge move on such short notice. You are not at least 98% sure that you are doing the right thing, then it is NOT the right thing to do.
If this guy is serious about you and cares in the least about your feelings then he will wait. Other wise he is just a clown looking for a green card. Have you considered that possibility?
Another thing, "he told me that if I don't do this then he will". I'm not sure what you mean, but it sounds really unbalanced to me.
One last thing, don't ever marry someone that you have known for a month and a half!!!!! Take a deep breath and get some realistic views on your life and your expectations. If you tell this guy to wait, then do you think that he will go away? If so, then he does not love you and he is using you.
There is nothing corny about wanting something for your own life. If a traditional wedding is your dream, then why would you settle for less?
2007-12-01 05:16:25 · answer #3 · answered by Randy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not marry him. There is a reason he is pressuring you and threatening to leave you over it. The problem is you will not find out what that reason is until it is too late. Never settle for what you don't want and never let anyone pressure you into anything. Being from different countries and culture there is probably so much that you do not know about each other. If he won't wait let him go and don't look back.
2007-12-01 05:13:08 · answer #4 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everyone so far.... do not marry him. It has been way too short of a time for you two so far and now he is pressuring you not only to marry him when you are not ready... but to do it in a fashion you are not interested in. Not to mention he is threatening to leave you over it. I see no love, compassion or understanding in this man from what you mentioned. And remember... he will be this kind of person after you are married too.
You will be better off in the long run to tell him no and see what he does next.... even if it means he leaves you. Don't get caught up in marrying someone you barely know yet!
2007-12-01 05:10:29 · answer #5 · answered by Kim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is pushing his own agenda. He is looking for the fast track to stay in this country (I'm assuming you are an American). Don't be pressured into a marriage you do not feel you are ready for. You guys have a lot of differences, culturally, just to name one. Don't do it.
Use you common sense. You have only been seeing him for a month and a half and he is pushing you into a shotgun style wedding? That's a no brainer. Let him go. He is just looking for a wife, any wife that can get him into the country to stay.
2007-12-01 05:10:44 · answer #6 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you crazy?! What's the big rush? Sounds like he needs you for citizenship in the U.S.! Let me tell you something, six weeks isn't long enough to consider marrying someone. If he loves you so much now, he will feel the same a year or two from now. Marriage is forever! Do you think you can honestly choose to spend the rest of your life with someone you've only known for six weeks?!? Get your degree and start your career and everything. If you still "love" him then...go for it. But now, tell his azz to step off!
2007-12-01 05:20:54 · answer #7 · answered by I know a lil' bit about that 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone who want to pressure you fast, especially from a foreign country like the Middle East/Pakistan, etc, they looking for a green card to get to USA/Canada to be near family!
They are masters of what's called "Sweet Talk" Like "Syrian Sweet Talk"
I have relatives there and they are desperate to get over here! They think American women are small brains and once they get here! One sign is how they try to get you to marry fast, so early, to get out of their country!
Don't do it! The U.S. Government is over-burdened with such cases! If the foreign guy knows you're not too pretty, overweight, have wicked past, etc, he will pray on you like their is no tomorrow. They go to internet cafes or work, thousands of them, looking for women like you! They just want in to our country for the opportunities and to be near family here. Their cultures are often so different, though they'll tell you they are modern, but once here, I've rarely ever heard good things happen!
He wants a court house because it costs like no money! He does not love you! He wants a quick and sure route to marriage. He isn't even interested in giving you the beautiful fluff. A BIG RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!!!
If you break up, he'll either get real dramatic, even threat suicide, say he'll never love again or if he has other American/Canadian (or UAE) girls/women on the side, he'll drop you in a heartbeat and keep working on them! Don't worry they don't kill themselves. Some of my friends will turn their cell off and stop contact for awhile, because they know they got you hooked and the they call and the girl submits. Imagine a marriage with one of these manipulative, desperate, think women are not equal deep down, and they think they can hit you (part of their religion) but they won't tell you this!
Go for a man in your own culture or a man who does not need a card to be able to come to the USA. Don't be stupid as they think you are!
AS MUCH AS I WANT MY FOREIGN FRIENDS AND RELATIVES IN THE USA, NOT LIKE THIS, WE HAD A SUICIDE ATTEMPTS OF SOME OF THE WHITE GIRLS AND I TOLD THEM TO STOP THIS! WHAT CAN I SAY I'M HERE BUT MY PARENTS CAME OVER A LONG TIME AGO WHEN ALL IS GOOD!
MANY FOREIGN MEN IN COUNTRIES THAT WE KEEP OUT LIKE MIDDLE EAST (unless from the rich Gulf Countries like Saudi or Kuwait) /PAKISTAN/AFRICA, THEY JUST PREYING ON YOU! AFTER WHAT I"VE SEEN AND WHAT I KNOW, BEING MORE AMERICAN NOW, DON"T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-12-01 05:52:59 · answer #8 · answered by Jack Bent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey if it is meant to be it will happen when you are ready. Explain it to him in a loving and honest fashion. If he doesn't respect your decision and wants to move on. Then you must let him. If he goes out and gets married he is not in love with you. I would want to marry someone I knew was in love with me.
2007-12-01 05:13:54 · answer #9 · answered by ruscito_mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it! I think he has ulterior motives for wanting to marry you....You have only known each other for about 6 weeks....You need to give this relationship more time....He is giving you an ultimatum....to marry him now or he will leave...This is not love! Trust me! I have been where you are...my first real boyfriend was from Mexico going to school here on a visa...He asked me to marry him not long after we started going out...He was hoping to become a citizen...and thought he could by marrying me....He didn't love me...Luckily I realized that before I agreed to marry him...
2007-12-01 05:05:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
if he wants to marry to fast and do it in a court house than i think he has other intentions that you may not see. im not saying that ALL foreigners are like that, I am a foreigner, i know that some just use marriage to stay in the states and bring their families
2007-12-01 05:06:28 · answer #11 · answered by DJ M 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋