I had an arranged marriage in 2003. On honeymoon my husband had a heart attack. He underwent angioplasty and was hospiitalized. I took care of him. when he came back froom the hospital he was a changed person. The entire family blamed the heartattack on my stars ( he is an alcoholic and a chain smoker). His mother constantly found faults in me and ridiculed me. He never took me out and used to find an excuse that I am fat ( i have been plump always) .His mother used to constantly tell him how bad i was .The actual reason was that his mother had actually wanted money out of this marriage. My father was supposed to gift me a car on my marriage which they refused since they had two. After marriage they started asking for cash. I was pregnant at that time and I came back to my dad since I could not digest that they married me for money. I went back after I had my girl thinking things will improve. they didnt. I came back.. its been 8 months now..he is not bothered to know how his child is.
2007-12-01 02:54:28 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"arranged marriage" - wow - move to america sweetie asap
2007-12-01 02:57:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of details missing that would help in giving you advice...where is your daughter living, how does your husband feel towards you, why did you agree to the marriage in the first place, does going back to your husband mean abondoning your daughter?, etc. Without this information it is impossible to suggest a definite course of action beyond referring you to a professional marriage counselor. This would be the best thing you could do for yourself and for your child..
Marriage is meant to be a union of two people who want to be together. Who choose to build a life together and live in an atmosphere of mutual respect. Regardless of the religious aspects involved or the belief in love (or lack thereof) you must have some level of comfort with each other that creates a safe harbor for each of you and for your child. I don't read this in your message. There is nothing that indicates that you would be providing a home for either of you that creates a nurturing environment.
Please see a counselor. Talk about what you see marriage being and what your expectations are for marriage. Talk about why you think you would want to go back to your husband. Discuss how you would deal with his lack of concern over your daughter and how you reintegrate yourselves as a family. There must be some reasons you haven't mentioned that are pretty compelling for reuniting. No one would consider tolerating his family unless there were. You'll have to decide how you and your husband will deal with his family in the future. Will your culture allow him telling them to back off and respect his choices? If not, can you grow a thicker skin? Make sure you are clear on what you want, what you and your daughter need, what your husband's needs are, and what your husband has to offer (physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc). Then it will be much easier to make your decision.
2007-12-01 03:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by AngelBleu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody is too old to love. Do you love him? If not, you have no reason to go back. If yes, and if you're still entertaining the thought of going back to him, girl, i think you have to look at yourself in the mirror. You can do a lot more good to yourself and your daughter w/out her father. Get up and begin a new life for you and your child. Don't worry, time will come that she will understand all that you're going through if your reason for going back to your husband is to have a normal family and that she will grow up having a dad to call and look up to. It will be better this way, for you and your little angel. :)
2007-12-01 03:07:21 · answer #3 · answered by mvcw 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go back. You and your child deserve dignity, respect, and to be treated like the beautiful people you are. Don't you want your daughter to be raised in a loving environment, where she can see how two people who really love each other SHOULD be in a marriage/relationship? Instead of how terrible it is to be married? She is going to grow up with all sorts of relationship/commitment issues in that kind of environment. And YOU?? You will not be happy like that either!
If a mother isn't happy, neither are her children....
2007-12-01 03:01:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, who arranged your marriage, they didn't do a lot
of research did they!
You don't have to put up with this, its not your fault he had a heart attack or that is is an alcoholic chain smoker.
Bloody hell - get yourself and your kids out of there.
2007-12-01 03:00:28 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. P. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh dear neelima.. im so sorry to hear of ur plight..
but dear plz . u shud read the signs..
these ppl are dahej khor...( money hungry) their appitite is insatiable.
plz i implore to to take care of ur self.. because the emotional abuse that u have typed only gets worse as time goes by..
and u having a gurl child will not improve situation... infact dis will also be blamed on u..
plz try to think about ur self coz now u have a an added reponsibility ur baby..
are u educated? career oriented?
get busy... asked ur parents advice...but please dont blindly lissen ke gurl has to take care of her marriage and "uski arti sirf uske ghar se nikalti hai" speech..
take care... praying for u..
2007-12-01 03:11:21 · answer #6 · answered by chaos_infinity1982 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can really tell you what you should do, You really have to follow your own heart on this one. Pray about it. I think I would find it hard to be in the relationship if it were me but like I said only you can decide, because nobody really experiences the things that happen except you.
2007-12-01 03:01:20 · answer #7 · answered by Giggles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What culture are you a part of, that you had an arranged marriage?
And to a guy old enough to have heart attacks.
2007-12-01 02:58:15 · answer #8 · answered by IrishFan2011 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the marriage - divorce. You deserve much better than this in your life. There are good, honest and honorable men in the world who would love you and your little girl.
2007-12-01 02:59:41 · answer #9 · answered by mollyflan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget him, move on. When you do find a good man you will know happiness. This guy will not change. He is surrounded by a negative support system and it is very unlikely you can ever find happiness in this situation. Good luck.
2007-12-01 03:00:32 · answer #10 · answered by Mom3Boys 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run, and stay far, far away from these awful people. You need better people in your life, they are out there. And they will look beyond the plump and see the beautiful person inside.
2007-12-01 02:59:59 · answer #11 · answered by Shannon P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋