Beyond Routinary Experiences, Within Learning Spheres(Breaking through the Barriers of Communication)?

Question

IMPEDIMENTS

Where did you come from, lamentable quality?
So horrible, so deranged, such an atrocity!
You make barriers of communication an idiosyncrasy,
Thus, filling Carolinians like me, with stupidity.

To everyone, you are a great hindrance
To me and to my friends, you are such a nuisance!
You make our minds dilapidated,
Albeit we know that we would never be defeated.

Carolinians have unique personalities,
Hence, we deal our problems with relative ease.
Thanks to our different multiple intelligence,
We learn within learning spheres with diligence.

To think positive and not negative,
To express our opinions in elegant mathematics,
To accept and to learn to love ourselves well,
To find an exit, to go out from our shell.

To draw art that contains well – inscribed feelings,
To be one with nature, the pristine air and calm waters,
To dance with rhythm and
To communicate effectively, removing its barriers.

by: Daryl Jay Eborda, Cebu City, Philippines

MY QUESTION:

What do you think? Can you edit some parts?

Answer 1

Those of us who love language understand you!! I love the descending rhyme.

Answer 2

Mabuhi! Is you in North Carolina or Cebu Island? I been to both. I thought you was a hillbilly with good grammer until you said the P.I. Your poem is mighty fine. It will take some time for people to warm up to going to the dictionary, but make them do that. Make them think about every word you say.

Salamat! TD