Is it acceptable to breastfeed during a funeral service?

Question

I attended a funeral service yesterday and my sister in law breastfed her baby throughout the service - she was in the front row too, on view to the people taking/speaking at the funeral.
do you think this is disrespectful or normal?
I found it offensive. She could have at least excused herself and gone into the back room
or am I being too sensitive

The funeral was her brothers and he died tragically last week.
I think it is highly offensive!!!!!!
Thanks to those who have agreed with me because she could have used a b/pump at a time like this!
That person who agreed, you obviously have a serious mental illness I'm afraid.

Answer 1

I disagree with everybody here. She should not be ashamed to breastfeed in public, nor with her close friends and family. Breastfeeding is not taboo but for some reason society doesn't seem to realize that! In our society where we are so accepting of so many things, like gay rights, and such... I can't believe a family would turn against another family member who's looking after her baby by breastfeeding. If she wanted to attend the funeral and take her baby that is her right... if during the funeral the best way to keep the baby comfortable and quiet is to breastfeed then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I don't understand how you could find that offensive! Was it because she was bearing her breast? God forbid! As if that was a shameful thing to do during an act of love towards her baby?!

I think the hangup is yours alone, and I do not think that the deceased person minded a bit, nor do I believe that a man of god such as the people speaking on behalf of the dead would mind either.

Most women excuse themselves out of fear of being ridiculed, not because they feel it's right to do so. They feel embarrassed because of people like you who are judging them. Breastfeeding is natural and an expression of love for a child. How can expressing love for a child and caring for them during a funeral be bad?

Based on the answers here I think many of you have never breastfed, nor studied it or understood it.

I suggest learning more about it, before making judgments. There is no reason she should have felt shame or be made to feel it.

If you acted out against her I think you should apologize...

P.S. Why would it be disrespectful, do women not give their children baby bottles to feed them at funerals? Why would breastfeeding which is a better alternative be any different, if you think there is shame in breastfeeding, exposing a breast to feed a baby or the entire act of breastfeeding bothers you then you really are the one who needs to look into yourself and figure out why you feel so much shame against it.

I'm not going to fight about it. I was once a breastfeeding mother and I can tell you from past experience plus many experiences with other breastfeeding mothers and support of the Le Leche League, and many pediatricians and doctors.. they will all agree there is nothing wrong with breastfeeding a baby. Not anywhere in public, and any discrimination against a breastfeeding mother is exactly that! Discrimination. It's not like she was kissing or making out with someone, it wasn't a sexual act, it was feeding a baby!!!!!!

Edit: P.P.S. I'm sure her brother wouldn't have minded had he been looking down from heaven and realized she was there at his service feeding her child.

Answer 2

Oh wow! I'm a soon to be mommy and I am shocked to see this attitude from another woman! I know my grandmother told me all about how breastfeeding was well loved before bottles were invented, and formula, and then how after bottles became popular all the ladies thought only the poor couldn't afford to bottle feed, and if you were caught breastfeeding back in the early 60's people would shun you as not being 'up with the times' but how absolutely ridiculous is that! Now that pediatricians are again teaching how breastfeeding is the best alternative and trying to get mothers away from bottles, in a day and age when we are growing spiritually in acceptance of each other I cannot believe there are still women out there who have issues with other women breastfeeding. Talk about the dark ages!

When my baby is born I will not feel the need to hide my breastfeeding activities in a bathroom or closet or anywhere! Not in a church, not at a baptism, not at a funeral, not out to dinner, not in a park, not anywhere. I'm not ashamed to be a female, I know what my body parts were made for.

Whoever posted this, you should be ashamed of yourself for such an ugly, negative and horrible attitude towards breastfeeding. There's nothing disrespectful about it, nor is it disrespectful for a mother to take her baby to a funeral. For gods sake it's a religious ceremony, and god loves babies and mothers who care for them!

And to think you sat there the whole time being all ticked off about her breastfeeding. How immature is that!

Answer 3

You're not sensitive! You're being insensitive! Have you discussed this with her? Or with anyone else in the family? I think you need to realize how inappropriate your attitude is. I don't care if it was a funeral or not, anytime a mother is breastfeeding a baby there should NEVER be a problem with it. It's not "nasty" it's not "disrespectful" and it should never be forbidden. What on Earth or who on Earth ever put it into your head that there was something wrong with it? You must have learned this behavior, or else you were just misinformed or too immature to know any better. I can see this behavior from a teenager, but I am assuming you're an adult. I hope to hell you go to a mirror in your house and name 10 things wrong with breastfeeding anywhere, and name 10 things right about it. If you come up with negatives again like: It's disrespectful, then ask yourself to who is it disrespectful, and what authority are you on that subject? Obviously you are being judgmental and critical towards your sister in laws breastfeeding, but what is this really saying about you? That YOU, yes YOU have the issue with it, YOU are the one that brought it to a forum and not to your sister in law directly ( I hope you didn't upset her with your prejudice attitude ).

I read all of the replies here and I'm brand new here and this topic just pushed my button, and normally my buttons don't push this easily but racism, and prejudice people disgust me. I don't care what you say, you're prejudice against breastfeeding mothers. I hope you never have children until you learn how to be mature enough to accept the responsibility to care for them against all odds. A mother should never have to feel this kind of discrimination.

You my dear lady need an attitude adjustment.
Kudos to Heart, Just a Guy, The Professional and all the others that wrote with all of their hearts.

You posted the question, you shouldn't have been rude to them for getting answers that were informative and truthful. I'm in shock that you attacked one of the posters and told her she should get mental help! You've got a control issue, you want to be right and you want everyone to agree with you.

I've never had kids, and don't breastfeed but you're living back in the 50s if you think a woman should have to leave a funeral service or any service to feed her baby. You don't have the first clue about respect. But you definitely have disrespect down pat. You disrespected your sister in law, not the other way around lady.

Answer 4

It's okay, and you needn't excuse yourself. As long as you have a nursing top and a thin sheet/blanket/coverup... it's fine to nurse during the funeral service, nothing rude about it. ... oh, I see... you are posting the same sort of question that you've posted before. Really, now, grow up. It's sort of odd that your SIL just did so... and you found it rude. Please, stop abusing the internet. If you have a legitimate question, then ask. But if you're just wanting to stir up controversy, get off the internet.

Answer 5

Looks like you were asking this question for validation, not answers.

You seem like a very selfish and close-minded person. Should she have left her own brothers funeral because people have hangups about the breast and a mother using them for their purpose, feeding a baby? Not all babies accept bottles, so leaving the baby may not have been an option. And making a baby starve is definitely not an option. She was doing the best thing for that baby, and her brother would have most likely been proud of her for doing so. You are being too sensitive and you need to take some perspective on this instead of plugging you ears and telling people who disagree with you that they have issues.

Answer 6

One of the things I'm passionate about are people's rights. That funeral question pushed my buttons. Mostly because of the rights of a breastfeeding mother to be able to breastfeed wherever she is without the whole "That's inappropriate" stigma.
I really believe too many people in this world still do not realize that we are humans, and that humans should feed their babies the way our bodies meant them to.... and to feel shame to do so or to have to hide what comes naturally is really heartbreaking to me. Our country is so backwards sometimes It just amazes me. You go to any other country and breastfeeding in public in any type of forum is ok. No one looks down upon it. But here, where there is freedom to do anything we can't have the freedom to be a breastfeeding mother.

To everyone that found that it was inappropriate; your way of thinking is what causes discrimination in our country in the first place. It is because of this exact type of prejudice that people in our country still to this day cannot be accepted for who they are. Humans.

Some of us see a breastfeeding mother and smile because we know she is doing the best for her child we don't think whether it is acceptable or should be we know it should be. We don't see her as doing something inappropriate, no matter where she does it. We simply are pleased that society is finally coming out of the closet and growing towards a nation of people who are mature and not ashamed of being human.

I've met people like you who would judge another person for doing what she feels is right with her baby, and it is people like you who discriminate that make people like me feel ashamed to be human. To be the same species as you makes me ashamed.

To think that people who are like me in all ways can be so cruel and prejudiced and judgmental to others that I feel so proud of makes me sick to be compared to you.

I wish we could ship all of you off to some island where you could all sit around and hide everything that you think is inappropriate that I find completely natural and let you all continue to live in a backwards nation, and let the rest of us grow spiritually and emotionally towards the most completely loving nation where such ignorant judgments don't exist.

That's all I have to say.

Answer 7

My question is, why was the baby at the funeral in the first place?? Funeral services should be a reverent time where you honor a deceased loved one, and a crying or fussy baby could distract from that. I think she should have found a babysitter for a few hours while she went to the funeral... (I'm sure I'll get a million thumbs down for saying that)

If she was doing it in a way where she was totally flaunting her breasts and distracting everyone else from the funeral speakers, then I personally would consider that rude because those people are trying to focus on the speakers and pay their final respects to someone they cared about .(I'm sure I'll get a million thumbs down for saying that, too). But if she wasn't doing any of that, and was doing it in a way that wasn't distracting everyone else, then I don't see a problem with her breastfeeding. A baby has to eat when a baby has to eat.

So I guess, to me, whether or not it was rude would depend on the way she was doing it.

Answer 8

No, she couldn't have used a pump. Are you aware that most breastfed babies will refuse a bottle when mom is the one offering?

Would you rather have the baby cry throughout the entire service?

Would you have been offended if it was a bottle? Likely not.

You should be able to breastfeed wherever and whenever- it matters not.

I think many here need to rethink their ideas on breastfeeding.

I feel we say, "Breast is best as long as you cannot SEE it."

Breasts were not made to be sexual objects- we are mammals. They were made for nursing your infant.

Answer 9

I'm not sure if it's disrespectful. I can see her not wanting to leave the service since it is her brother. I think if it would have been me I would have had a bottle of expressed milk if possible. But honestly, it was her brother. Why be petty and judge her on this. Does it really matter in the long run?

Answer 10

I feel (and this is just my own opinion) that any feeding of a child during a funeral service should be done, um, elsewhere other than the viewing room. This goes for bottle or breast. Babies are sometimes fussy when feeding, and then they may have to burp. It just doesn't seem right to do. I feel the same way about church services too.
I understand that the woman may not have wanted to leave since it was her brother's funeral. I don't fault her for it. I just don't think that I personally would do it.

Answer 11

The question is really should she have been feeding the Child at the Funeral Service.

The question I ask in return is would you have been upset if the child was being bottle feed?
If so get over it. A child needs to eat. Thats how the child gets it's nutrition.

So again what is the real question? Should she have gone to the back of the room Maybe. I would have thought feeding either by bottle or breast should done at another place or time.

On the other hand if the child was hungry, Should he/she suffer. The dead person won't care.

How was your sister in law related to the person? Would it have hurt her or others feelings in the family for her to get up and walk out of the funneral to feed her child.

So to sum up. Was it normal? no not in the US or most of the western world but was it disrespctful no it wasn't.


At most you now have one of those stories to tell.

BY the way I'm a guy