I've seen the concerns by women that do it all, but I'm interested in hearing about the men. I'm a very successful professional man that has been happily married for 7 years. The only sore spot in our marriage is that I feel my wife doesn't carry her weight. I do more laundry than her, at least as much dishes, far more grocery shopping, plus am responsible for all the traditional male duties like all yard work - she doesn't touch a leaf or a flower. I also cook dinner more than she does, and am very active in the care and well being of our 2 yr old. We have a housecleaner, and an au pair that does our childs dirty work, plus cooks many days. I'm the one that decorates our house for holidays and does the heavy lifting when we entertain friends. I feel taken advantage of because I do things that I expect my wife to do, and when we discuss, she feels like I do these things because I have a higher standard. Am I a grumpy husband, or do I have a legitimate gripe?
2007-11-30 16:56:41 · 20 answers · asked by motravler 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Both a grumpy husband and a legitimate gripe. Start off by splitting the laundry duties and the grocery shopping 50/50 or try to do them together more often. If you just worry about the laundry and the grocery shopping, the rest can come later. Don't blame her she will get defensive.
Say that you feel really bad but you really hate doing laundry and grocery shopping and you have decided to come up with a system so that the two of you can split it 50/50. Or suggest that one of you does shopping and the other does laundry for a month. If you break this issue down into manageable bits you may have more success.
Good luck to you! Don't forget to praise her a lot when she does her share of the work around the house. Refuse to fight about this, but stick to your guns. You hate grocery shopping and laundry, so you want to try to split it 50 50 with her. Don't give up.
2007-11-30 17:04:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't believe you are a grumpy husband, and if pulling her weight is a high expectation then she's a spoiled brat. First make sure it's not because of anything that she doesn't have any control over, like depression. And if it's not, then try and find a way to get her motivated, and more involved. One thing, though, you should be the one doing the heavy lifting, thought I don't know why you would be doing that, entertaining friends.
2007-11-30 17:05:29 · answer #2 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally Legitimate!! Wow, you are a really domestic guy! I guess I have to question whether or not you have told her how you feel. If my husband did all of those things from the beginning, I'm not sure that I would try to stop him. However, I have always enjoyed doing those things IE grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking. That's what works for us. If you are unhappy and it sounds as if you are, let her know. You said that you have been HAPPILY married for 7 years, so something is going right. Communication is key, so speak your mind to her and I'm sure she will be more then willing to do her fair share. Good luck :)
2007-11-30 17:04:06 · answer #3 · answered by holly f 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a wonderful husband. I wish there were more out there like you. From what you have said, it sounds like you both live a very privileged life. Be thankful for that.
I can understand that higher standard thing... I get that a lot. She may feel that way if you go behind her and critique her ways of doing things. If that's the case, you need to decide what you can live with and what you cannot. Ask if she can help with the things that you can handle not being your way.
2007-11-30 17:06:44 · answer #4 · answered by sunshine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can I move in with you??? lol
You are taken advantage of but we teach people how to treat us don't we?
You might have a higher standard but that shouldn't allow her to have no standards at all. Some of these things should be on her plate, not yours. She sounds pretty spoiled if you ask me. I think you have a totally legitimate gripe.
2007-11-30 17:02:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
mm my wife is similar, when iam home or on time off from my work, she expects me to do all the housework.
i also do all the cooking and homework for our 5 kids, aswell as juggling the finances and doing all the shopping.
when my wife does decide to get out of bed and forces me to take her shopping, she spends like theres no tomorrow and shes not got a clue about prioritizing and budgeting.
i feel its safer to leave her in bed till late afternoon to allow me to get on with day to day business because if she gets to involved with things we always end up broke and the kids could end up starving.
ill give her ,her dew though she does love gardening in the summer and keeps the garden nice, also she does decorating and painting when its needed ,but to a huge ex pence especially the garden
2007-11-30 17:31:01 · answer #6 · answered by ali d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since it's obviously bothering you, you should bring it up to your wife because if you repress it you're only going to grow more and more resentful over time.
Does she work? Maybe her job is wearing her out at the end of a day. If she doesn't work and you're doing all that plus she has paid help to take care of your child and the house, she's slacking off.
2007-11-30 17:08:01 · answer #7 · answered by Wintergirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as you aren't demanding she does anything, she should want to keep your home neat.
My wife does it all, sometimes I have to get her out of the house so she can have some damn rest and she works fulltime in the US Army as an MP and still insist she do it all.
Yes you do have a legitimate gripe, talk it over with her.
2007-11-30 17:01:20 · answer #8 · answered by CableMan 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you do have a higher standard. Why did you lower it, to marry her? (Not meant to insult your wife. We are talking about chores) A catamaran sails better when both hulls are equally buoyant. You selected one that wasn't. You need to put up with the ride or trade in for another hull. I recommend learning to enjoy the ride.
2007-11-30 17:13:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have a legitimate gripe from what i have read...
tell her that you will take care of the yard because that is pretty much the man area
then tell her that she should take care of the house cleaning and other various chores...
hope that helped
2007-11-30 17:01:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋