I saw sit and talk about it with both sides. Listen carefully and then make your decision... dont do anything rash
2007-11-30 16:13:15
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answer #1
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answered by Kenzie :P 3
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Seems that you did not trust her before you found out that she had gone to lunch, movies and shopping with him. She must have felt that you did not trust her and that is probably why she was sneaking around. There may not be anything intimate between them but obviously she feels that your reaction to this friendship is one that she would rather avoid.
Is it possible that there are things that she can do with him that she cannot do with you? Most men do not like shopping, I don't know if you are one of them but maybe he enjoys it. Also I think that you need to make her aware of your feelings, leaving the attitude behind. She could also make things better by respecting your feelings regarding the friendship. I am not saying that she should end it but if she is out with another man you should have the opportunity to decide on going or not instead of her going alone and you finding out later.
The emails are another thing. This is very inappropriate for a married woman and makes one tend to think that she has something to hide. It all boils down to trust and respect.
Maybe she has given you reasons not to trust her but more so she needs to be more respectful of the fact that she is married and not free to do as she wants without consideration for others. She is also putting the friend in a bad position where he is put in the middle.
If you feel this strongly about it you may want to speak with him about it and let him know how you feel.
Good Luck!!
2007-11-30 16:29:44
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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No, you're not wrong in mistrusting her because she's given you reason to not trust her------she lied to you. I may be a bit old fashioned, but I thought a lunch and a movie was called a DATE. I agree that men and women can't be friends---sex always enters the picture. But, more importantly are how the relationship makes YOU feel and how much respect your own wife has for your feelings. I personally wouldn't like it---you don't like it----and many others wouldn't either. What needs to be done to fix this mess is 1) you need to determine whether or not your wife really loves you and whether or not she respects your feelings. If she respects you and loves you, she will stop it. If she doesn't, she won't, period. Then you'll know what to do, right.
2007-11-30 16:37:11
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answer #3
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answered by Sondra 6
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I've been through the same thing. I am with my husband, and it bothered him that I was talking to an old ex. I would get angry and cry as well as your wife, but in the end, I had to decide which was more important: my marriage, or some guy. Explain to her what it is that is bothering you about this. It's okay if she continues to talk to him at work (they work together...no avoiding that), but going out with him is inappropriate. Just sit down and talk to her, let her know that you're not doing this to be mean, only that you feel unhappy and sad about it. She needs to respect your feelings. It's obvious that relationship isn't good, since she has already confessed to you that she'd ask him out if he wasn't married. She needs to decide what's more important.
2007-11-30 16:35:34
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answer #4
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answered by jebam1 1
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1. You know how men think because you are a man. Everyone knows that when women and men are friends, the relationship is different than same gendered relationships.
2. She has boundary issues and trust issues that she has brought into the marriage. Get professional 3rd party help in building up the marriage. Marriage is hard work.
2007-11-30 16:24:40
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answer #5
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answered by heartsarebad 5
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Go over these links with her. http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2004/001/13.14.html
http://www.learnthebible.org/q-a-friends-of-the-opposite-sex.htm
If she is a Christian woman it is important to understand boundaries as a precaution, before anything can start to happen.
It's not being too jealous or old fashioned to feel strongly about this. Look at society. Why do you think the divorce rate and infidelity is high, and the average person in Hollywood can't stay married for more than 10 minutes? It's NOT because we've drawn definite lines safe gaurding our extramarital relationships with the opposite sex.
2007-11-30 17:25:37
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answer #6
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answered by haigazimo 2
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Well, First your going to have do some heavy thinking now that the truth has finally came out! I was at one time in the same boat you are in! I trusted my first wife! But it blew up in my face for doing so! She got pregnant by her so called best friend male friend twice when she was marriad to me!!!
Well of course that was the end of the marriage! 75% of devorces today are caused by cheating spouses!
Ok, Here's what you can do! Ask her if she still values your marriage!
Tell her you want the friendship with her male friend to end immediately before the relationship destroys your marriage!
If there's a chance still in fixing the marriage and you both want too! Go to a marriage councilor and see if in fact the marriage is still worth trying to save!
Tell your wife she is no longer to use the internet for purpose of talking with her male friend, if she gives you grief about it and refuses! Password it so she can longer use the computer! When she had told you that if you and her weren't together and he wasn't marriad, she'd go out with him, should of gave you a very big warning that the friendship she had with him! needed to be stopped as soon as possible! But you wanted to trust your wife, because that is what a marriage is built on is trust!
But in todays world that could be a disaster when partners have opposite sex friendships, 85% chance an affair will develope sooner or later! So those kind of real close friendships need to be ended day after marriage,especially!an opposite sex friendships or they may come to haunt you later on down the road in the marriage!
As you soon found out! because of your problem! Do you know 100% that your 2 children are yours? Or maybe his? or maybe 1 his? It happened to me! Only 1 out of 3 was mine! I had blood tests done during the devorce! and our marriage only lasted 5 years because of the affair she had!
See the problem is, you did nothing to end the relationship she had with him, after you got marriad! So in a way you added fuel onto a the flame she had for him! so the fire got a lot bigger because I think you gave out way more trust then she was able to handle and it caused a few problems you are facing now!
And as far as you trusting her ever again! Well she's going to have to earn it back! Trust isn't just handed out like a bag of chips! She has crippled your marriage really bad and it's up to her to stand up to the plate and do what ever it takes to save the marriage and to build the trust back up in the marriage! Remember you did nothing wrong! She did! Sure maybe you should have stepped up to the plate as a husband and told her straight out that the male friend she had, had to come to an end, now that she is your wife!
So a little tiny bit is your fault too! for letting the reationship go on! If in fact you love her and she loves you! The friendship she has with the guy must stop and Now! So not to destroy your marriage! and break up your family and send your children into depression which they may never come out of! Devorce is a killer to children! There's still time to mend the marriage, but it will take work on both sides! But from now on Don't just hand out trust so freely, let it be earned! and because what has happen there will never be a 100% trust again! there will always be a little distrust on reserve! It's natural! and probably on your part for the rest of your marriage time! If you still love her and she still loves you! Get help to repair the marriage! At least try for the children! Good luck !
2007-11-30 17:08:53
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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oh dear...i'm sorry your marriage is going through this.
Its completely normal for you to feel a lack of trust in your wife...she did lie to you about something you have both previously discussed beforehand, and yet she still went ahead and saw him without you.
You guys need to keep communicating, it seems like she's in some sort of midlife crisis, as she wont talk to you or help resolve the issue, shes just denying it. Theres nothing much more I can say except that you should both sit down and talk about it, and have the issue out in the open
2007-11-30 16:21:10
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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I can't blame you for not trusting your wife. However, you still want to save your marriage and that is an admirable thing to do. In such a case, you have to give her another chance by asking her to refrain from going out with another man. After all, that is what a reasonable married woman ought to do.
2007-11-30 16:28:35
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answer #9
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answered by Belen 5
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Although you might have been hypersensitive to start with, now that the matter of having been lied to has come up, your wife has to decide if getting your trust back is important to her. This is essentially equivalent to her thinking that your relationship is important to her. Now that you have faced up to the fact, the bell cannot be unrung. Either she follows through on her promise not to see this person alone again, in which case, you might work things through with counseling and time OR she doesn't, in which case your relationship is probably irretrievable.
2007-11-30 16:17:17
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answer #10
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answered by LucaPacioli1492 7
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First, ask yourself, "how can she trust you?" How can anyone trust anyone?
Trust is given when not deserved, that is why it is called trust. She doesn't deserve to be trusted, but you have to trust her regardless. You can't be naive. She has to be accountable.
The both of you need to see a marriage counselor. Best of luck. Don't give up.
2007-12-01 00:37:49
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answer #11
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answered by Richard F 6
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