do you ever wanna go back in time
to when you were 8 or 9
maybe change you fate
but its a little late
you cant take it back but would you
realy want too
im not realy finished but what do you think
2007-11-30 15:00:04 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Ehh sorry its stupid.
opinion.
2007-11-30 15:03:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
no. it's not a poem. it's just a random thought or sentence. Ok let's say you are standing in the background with a camera watching a person going back in time to when they were 8 or 9 and what that decision to change fate might look like - what does fate look like, if you were going to take a picture of fate what does it look like -how do you describe it with words. most of the poems on this forum are just outpourings of feelings or words and they aren't poems. Go and read the New Yorker where the good poets are published. I read one the other day where they essentially took a camera snapshot of what their dream looked like. It was great and it worked. I loved it.
2007-11-30 23:10:55 · answer #2 · answered by art_flood 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you started off really good with the first 4 lines but then you got distracted or something and the next two became disjointed. They don't continue your train of thought. It needs work, but it could be a nice poem.
2007-12-03 00:07:52 · answer #3 · answered by poe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok for a draft. Now you do need to add punctuation. Try to make it flow together like the blood flows through are vain. There was no imagery in there, If there is try to make it were it shows more.
Keep in mind I'm just telling you what I think.
Have a good day.
2007-11-30 23:06:55 · answer #4 · answered by Guardian Angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a really good start but it does need more. Keep writing poems like this! Good Luck.
2007-11-30 23:09:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first four lines are good. Your other poem is good too. It's good to express yourself and not just be an artist.
2007-11-30 23:08:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad. Don't forget spell check.
2007-11-30 23:07:47 · answer #7 · answered by Shining217 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is fantastic it will be a great poem
2007-11-30 23:49:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it and if other people dont there always people who will and appreciateate it
2007-11-30 23:12:55 · answer #9 · answered by Kenny B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm... uh... You're really good in spelling... hmm.. nice job!
2007-11-30 23:07:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋