Would you read more of this?

Question

This is the prologue of the book I'm writing.

Two cloaked figures carefully made their way through the veil of wet mist that shrouded the manor of Duke Reckleford III and the surrounding estate.
“I feel a wall,” the shorter one whispered in a barely audible, young, feminine voice.
“You shouldn’t. According to the maps, we’re not even within a hundred paces outside the gates,” the taller person replied in an equally low voice with a distinct male tonality.
“Oh, oops,” said the girl with a quiet, nervous giggle as her hand slid off the rock she’d been running it along.
“Now is not the time for even one ‘oops,’” the young man said irritably. “Nor is it the time for being so loud; hush, now, or we’ll get caught!” Obediently, the girl dropped her head and tried to steady her breathing. They were so close! If they found what they were looking for (and she was sure they would), they would be immensely closer to their goal.
(continued...)

Meanwhile, the man was having his doubts. Sure, they were close, but how would they ever get past these guards? And once they were inside those thick walls, how would they get what they wanted and get back out without being in serious trouble? This duke is hiding something, he mused. If only I could figure out what! Suddenly, the girl beside him fell forward with a tiny cry. When she said nothing more and didn’t move, he bent to inspect her. Just as he noted the humongous gash on the side of her head, he felt something hard and blunt come down on the back of his own. Moaning softly, he felt the world reel, then go black.

If you just randomly picked it up, would you want to read more? Or would you put it back down? Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm open to criticism!

You can read the first three chapters at http://storyofnalia.blogspot.com and comment their. I don't think I will be posting any more chapters, though, just in case I can get it published. It's probably going to be a series.

*there
Sorry! I can't believe I didn't catch that!

Answer 1

Oh my god. See, I told you it's better in short pieces. This good. As was the other one. Grammer mistakes, a few, not so much. Still good though.

Like I said before, I think you'll make a great writer. Good luck! And keep posting.

Edit: It's a smart thing to copyright in case your work does get stolen. And I do think you should just ask your friends/family and anybody you know to read, seeing as they most likely won't copy it and they won't have a chance to remember the whole thing. Just keep writing and believe in yourself.

Answer 2

Ah! I love it ^^ The intrigue is wonderful, you know.
If you have more, don't hesitate to let me know (email, website, wherever I can get my hands on this thing).

The characters remind me of characters from a book I read a long time ago and I like them.

Answer 3

its a good story line, it could also be put at the beginning of a movie or somewhere in the middle of the story.

its great for a book much more for a movie.

keep on

Answer 4

Plaese! I'm begging! Write more! Write More! its intriguing, like the Harry Potter books!!!!!

Answer 5

I'm hooked. This is very, very good. There are a few grammatical issues, but the overall writing is fantastic.

Answer 6

it was about 25 years ago the last time i bought a good comic It would have been a mandy comic and it would have cost 15pence

Answer 7

totally

Answer 8

Yes, I'm curious.

Answer 9

yes!!i would love to read that!

Answer 10

yeah, i would read more. i think its pretty good.