unhappy marriage, with two kids, 2 yr old and 5 month old..cant stand my husband very much what to do?

Question

im somewhat dependent on him because i dont work very much because im usually home with our two girls, well it seems as though i have to walk on eggshells in our house, everything i do pisses him off and we dont get along but half the time, we've only been married foir a short 3 years...but i dont know if i was cut out to be married not to mention i was raised by a single parent so the thought of raising my girls on my own doesnt scare me...any suggestions??

Answer 1

if you are not happy & feel that you can raise two kids on your own, I would go for it. You can always get child support.

Answer 2

Hon I feel so bad for you. I realize the situation is hard.

Find some counseling. It doesn't sound like things are all that bad, really. Just sounds like you're having some very common communication and resentment issues.

You also seem to have the expectation that it will fail and are trying to make that a self fulfilling prophecy.

Srsly, seek some counseling and open up your Bible to Ephesians chapter 5. There's actually a lot in there about how to treat one another. Now don't go "ha! see! you're doing it wrong!" to each other, but think about what you can do to honor your marriage, your kids, yourself, and God by being an adult and not running away when things don't naturally flow.

People are not perfect, and you have to learn to be married, you have to work on it, and it's not always easy. You can't always get exactly what you want and sometimes you have to tell your partner how to show you love because all they know is how they want to be loved and it's likely different.

Try working on it a little. Sometimes churches do councelling for free, so it's worth a shot. Heckuvalot cheaper than a lawyer and a custody battle. And it'll teach your kids the value of love, respect, family, and loving another person even when they're not perfect.

Get "Intimate Encounters" by Dr. & Mrs. Ferguson. It's been a great help to our marriage.

Answer 3

Well #1, Does your husband know how you feel? Do you talk about your issues? Does he feel the same way? Only being married for 3 years is not very long and to have 2 children does not make it any easier. You are still in the getting to know you stage and having 2 children in the mix makes it even harder. I am not saying you should not have had the girls at all. I would never say that...I have children of my own and don't know what I would do w/o them. What I am saying is...Do you every get out for a parents night out? Hire a sitter to watch the girls so you and your husband can gain back some time for each other. You also might consider marriage counseling. Another suggestion that probably should have been my first suggestion is..say a prayer. Ask God to help you with your marriage and to guide you in your daily decision making process, ask him to help you figure out what is best for you and your girls.

Answer 4

Well it seems you already made your decision to leave since you mentioned "im somewhat dependent on him"...but then you must of realized it would be financially impossible since you have two kids and only work part-time?? Why do you walk on eggshells in your house...someone must be guilty of something to even agree to walk on eggshells...unless your saying there's something mentally wrong with him and you all haven't figured out what's wrong...what makes you feel incapable of marriage...since you were raised by a single parent perhaps you should try a little harder at working on your own marriage since you didn't have a good example...??? Unless you pay for everything, I don't think you realize all the costs that will hit you once you leave, sounds like alot...because you have small children who would need day care so you can work all day....I know its a hard choice...good luck!!

Answer 5

Well Roxy, I would be damned if I would walk around my own home on eggshells. You might need to get that job now and leave him. There's not much of a choice now is there? What have being raised by a single parent got to do with you? You are in a bad marriage, are you gonna stay in it and cause yourself and the kids pain( because they know that you are unhappy)? Or are you going to become independent? That maybe why he behave the way that he does. He knows that you have to lean on him. Go find a job, get child support and stop crying.

Answer 6

maybe you having been raised by a single parent is the main clue. A happpy family is a fake story someone invented in middle age. Romance is an invention. Peple are sick, a family is something to assure the children will have some security to grow and a model to follow (even though its fake), and not getitng drugged up on the streets, because their parents split up when they were babies. Go fuc.k someone you get horn.y about, because thats what your husband should be doing also. And pretend you are a happy family, so that the kids have a chance to fake it when the right time come, instead of gettign drug addicts because their parents missed the point that monogamy is only practiced (not realy) by humans amongst all mamiphers (animals that suck milk, i'm not a native speaker, sorry)

Answer 7

Children do this to a marriage. You hadnt had time to have much of a relationship before they arrived. I suggest you think of what attracted you to him in the beginning and set aside at least one time a week to be alone out of the house . I am sure you could raise the girls on your own but they deserve a father. Start with a date night and just calmly and warmly say that you would like to change what is happening to your marriage and ask his suggestions ( Im not saying you are wrong or anything, just trying to open the discussion since he sounds so stressed) Just let him talk if you can get him to since most guys wont. Your future will be better if you can fix this but with those 2 little ones its impossible to do INSIDE your home which is why I suggested time away. Best wishes

Answer 8

Yeah, the thought may not scare you but it's still easier with two.

Maybe you weren't cut out to be married. My wife wasn't Guess what? Too late to be figuring that out. You've got kids and kids need two parents.

You can do it the hard way: suck it up. You're an adult and can decide whether to be happy or unhappy.

Or, you can do it the easier way. Was your husband always this way? What's changed? Has his behavior changed over the course of the past year or so? Is he depressed? Are you?

Lots of places to look, and don't be too proud to pull in a therapist. They only tell you what you already know, but maybe sometimes it helps to hear it.

Remember to you've got two kids and at that age they can be stressors. Then again at 11 and 14 they can be stressors too.

Good luck. Hope you make the right decision.

Answer 9

Well, for the sake of your children, you should try marriage counseling and only use divorce as a last resort. You're a married mother now. You can't just pack up your marbles and go home when things don't go your way. Little kids can put a lot of stress on a marriage, but it can be worked through. If you've only been married for three years, may I ask why you married him in the first place? Did he change after the children were born?

Answer 10

I would say try counseling first. I hate to see a marriage break up .. but I have been there. I didn't have any kids depending on me...but I went through physical and verbal abuse for 8 years. I didn't have a job at the time .. but I just had to get out. My grandmother helped me to get into a dumpy apartment and I did have my own car. I got a job and although it wasn't much, I got back on my feet and slowly built up some self-esteem. I met a wonderful man and we have been married almost 8 years now. If you are truly unhappy, get all your ducks in a row first. If you have a family member or close friend who can help you out for awhile .. ask for their help...don't worry about asking for help. Assess your financial situation, what things you can take with you. If you think he may become violent if you leave, call the police and ask for someone to be there when you move things out. Think of your children. Try to work it out .. but the children know if you and Daddy are fighting and it may be the best thing in the long run. Take care of yourself!

Answer 11

well, I will tell you first and foremost that communication is the key - if your not communicating then things are going to break down.
You need to talk to your husband and tell him how your feeling.He may be feeling the same way and you just dont know it. ask him why he is so pissed off,and ask him how he is feeling about things.
this is the only way your going to begin to know whats going on and figure out where to go from here
if the two of you wish to try counceling to work on thing, that would be a good step
or
if you just want to give up and married life just isnt for you, then at least get some counceling for yourself
My daughter is going through the same thing,and she has moved back home and is getting a divorce because she just doesnt want to be married - she has descided its not for her.
Married life isnt for everyone,but since you are married, my best suggestion is some counceling for the two of you or at least yourself and talking with your husband.
your husband has a life to,and weather it is with or without you,he deserves to know what your thought are and what your doing..dont waste his time and life on something that doesnt exsist - if you want out - tell him, so that he can heal and move on