Two years ago I escaped an emotionally and physically abusive marriage - divorced a year ago. Now he's trying to get custody of our children, so I'm back in court again. I was a stay-at-home mother - now I'm trying to start a career. Money is tight. Abusive X watches my every move. I struggle to rise above this, move on with things; I'm college educated, have/had many hobbies, talents, friends, interests, but every time I start to make progress, to get a plan in place, something outside of my control happens that knocks me down. Friends express amazement at my resiliance and how well I'm doing, considering, but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. The life I wanted for myself no longer seems an option (I'm 45). I've always made "sensible" life decisions for fear of failure if I tried to do what I really want. At the same time, the world seems full of possibilities that I have the talents to realize, but I feel lost on a treadmill to nowhere, haunted by fear and criticism. Ideas?
2007-11-30 12:57:54 · 5 answers · asked by Melissa C 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You should get counseling from whatever source is available. If you are depressed, it's hard to see your way out of the funk that you seem to be in. Nevertheless, it is possible for you to make progress but you have to recognize progress when it is made. "The life (you) wanted for (your)self" may no longer be an option but that is true for all of us who have moved on in age. The drill now is to find out what life you want for yourself NOW and go about getting it.
2007-11-30 13:09:59 · answer #1 · answered by LucaPacioli1492 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, congratulations on getting out of an abusive marriage!
That takes a lot of guts!
As far as a plan of action, you need an 'adjustable plan'!
Make a plan that is realistic and you can follow!
The adjustable part comes into place if, or when any little 'inconveniences' come along!
Keep positive, after all, if you can escape an abusive marriage, you can do anything!
Aim high, and don't be afraid of failure, because the only form of failure is never trying in the first place!
45 is no age to give up trying, because you still have years and years of time to get and enjoy a career, and as a mother, you will not be setting a good example to your children if you do!
You have already done the hardest part and survived, and you shouldn't let anything hold you back now!
I've been in a very abusive relationship, and it takes a long, long time to get fully over it, if you ever can, but in the meantime, you can either go into hibernation, or you can start to live your life, and show your ex that he has no hold over you any more! Get the life you want and give him something to watch!
I hope this helps!
2007-11-30 13:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by Watsit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar position to yourself and I share some of your feelings. Congratulations on getting out of the abusive marriage, as I know that takes some courage. Good luck with the court hearing. Your former husband is trying to wear you down but you seem to actually have more than enough strength to go forward. Counselling might help you to see your options more clearly and perhaps you also need more time to heal inside as we usually have some "shattered dreams" after a disappointing marriage - even if it was very bad. I wish you all the best and hope that gradually, step by step you create the life you really want.
2007-11-30 13:42:21 · answer #3 · answered by kirrii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, i admire your endurance. My objectives are cut loose fact, yet isn't that what a dream is? something to hold directly to on a similar time as fact performs its area, understanding that what's taking place now could be in simple terms momentary till you ultimately attain your objectives. i had to be an astronaut. i had to be an inventor. i had to be a baker, police officer, fireman, entrepreneur, etc. They have been all my objectives, yet they did no longer fairly get away fact for me. i began out taking part in basketball whilst i replaced into approximately 11, and that i actually began taking area in the sport. I additionally love writing and have been given outstanding grades in English and Composition Writing, so i had to be a screenplay author / director. i desperate that i had to be an NBA basketball participant and a author on a similar time. human beings informed me this and that, gave me all the justifications why i could no longer be neither. i desperate i did no longer prefer to be a basketball superstar or a author, through fact "others" desperate it for me. Now that I comprehend that skeptic each physique is largely street blocks on the path to a minimum of one's dream, I proceed to hold that NBA and screenwriter dream. I plan to alter into drafted into the NBA, and there i'm hoping to alter right into a function style on a similar time as I make up for all the superstar studs and former NBA mess ups. i found out that there are too many stars or celebrities with function style potential, and maximum of them finally screw themselves up incredibly undesirable. My dream is to be an excellent function style for the yankee toddlers, and for the finished worldwide. helpful it fairly is a lofty purpose, yet fairly, there is not any fact. All that falls between fact and objectives is the dreamer, and the dreamer will make the dream a fact if s/he fairly desires to. I actually have a number of of alternative objectives too. yet i might fairly be dreaming and having my objectives come genuine than succumb to the circulate of fact. thank you for asking a marvelous, inspiring question. : )
2016-09-30 08:45:18 · answer #4 · answered by starkes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go out get drunk with your friends and have so much fun, that the next day you can't remember half of it. and then the next day put your dreams into motion
2007-11-30 13:03:47 · answer #5 · answered by just floating bye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋