We got engaged recently, but living in a different city (6-hour drive). It has been one and half year since we started this long distance relationship and have to live apart for a while (for one and half year more). I found out that he slept with this woman who is working with him now. He said he still loves me and it was just sex and no feeling involved and long distance relationship was so hard for him. Should I forgive him??? Does he still love me???
2007-11-30 12:47:18 · 25 answers · asked by fatal attraction 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you forgive him, he will think that it is okay to do it again because he knows that you will forgive him. If he truly loves you, he would have drove the 6+ hours to see you & get some.
2007-11-30 12:56:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it was just sex .. and he did it once .. he will probably do it again ... just for the sex. Feelings don't matter ... it's still cheating.
If he is still working with this woman .. it will be easier for them to have sex again.
If you forgive him - then you need to forget it, too - and go on with the relationship - and not let it interfere with anything.
No one, but him, knows if he still loves you - or not. Sometimes a person needs to look at the actions of another person - and not listen to the words they say - because their actions tell the real truth about them.
You will have to decide if you can live with the knowledge that he has had sex & cheated on you. And .. that he is working with the woman he had sex with.
If you CAN live with this -- then you probably CAN forgive him.
Personally - I would not trust him anymore .. and I would be wondering what he would be doing with this woman every minute. I just could not handle that.
You have a hard decision to make. How many times will he have sex because it is just sex with no feelings? This is why you were engaged .. because he is supposed to be your guy - and loyal to you. The loyalty is suppoed to happen anywhere he is located .. even a 6 hour drive away. Since he is not loyal .. what exactly kind of relationship do you really have with him. This is a consideration.
I know you are hurt. Think about the future .. and what other hurt you might be facing because he is a cheater. He didn't have to cheat ... and you don't have to take it.
2007-11-30 13:06:11 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in one for 4 years now, different countries (Germany and US) and we have never cheated. Yes the distnace is hard but that doesn't mean he has the right to use that as an excuse to cheat. Anyway i would not forgive my bf if he did that to me, and my boyfriend would say that he wouldnt' expect me to forgive him because i dont' deserve that. He also says that he loves me too much to do that. Ultimately its up to you if you want to forgive him. Just remember that a long distance relationship takes a lot of communication, trust and honesty and if you can't trust him then there may be some problems. He could love you still, so again its up to you if you want to forgive. Just remember that once you forgive him you can't use it against him in future arguments, because it is forgive and forget. If you do continue try things like webcams so you can communicate with eachother more. Email me if you have more questions, i hope things work out for the best. good luck
2007-11-30 18:01:04 · answer #3 · answered by Isabella20 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think he still loves you then yes. I mean really it depends on each individual situation, relationship, and person but the truth is that living far apart is hard and sometimes people get wrapped up in a moment. just let him know that he will have to EARN your trust back and never say never about what you might do in the heat of a moment either. If you don't think you'll ever trust him again, he does this a lot, etc. maybe its not a good relationship to marry into.
2007-11-30 14:28:11 · answer #4 · answered by tcb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating...hmmm. So, you have found out he is a cheater. This question should be directed towards males only. I have six brothers and they tell me they CAN have sex with a woman without any feelings whatsoever. If this was his case, then I'd have to say, "trust your heart." And in order to do that, you must first seek the answer from your heart and not from any of us.
This is a very difficult and sensitive question. You are hurt and he hurt you, the trust factor has been crushed. So I ask you, "will you be able to trust him after this?" If so, then the question would not be laid out for us, on-line, to view. So, my gut feeling is that you aren't as confused as you are injured by his actions. Actions which he is now showing he has. If you can live with them, because that 'for better or for worse' statement in marriage includes such things as this, then live with him knowing you've got something to deal with other than bills and children.
Ask yourself when you are alone these questions: Will I wonder who he's talking to on the phone when I call and the phone beeps before it rings; will I doubt his whereabouts when he says he has to make a quick run; will I wonder who he's with when he doesn't answer the phone at all, and will I make a connection to his attitude when he gets upset over nothing and storms off to who knows where (which could probably be to her home)? These questions can only be answered by you and if you answer 'yes' to any of them, then you HAVE to know he had injured your heart and has already put a wedge into the relationship even before you are married. Heck, my ex-husband use to get angry over stupid stuff and storm out of our home and when I told him he didn't have to make such a scene just to go see his other woman, he use to get pissed and sit down. Dumbie. But, that's why he is my ex! But, no matter what anyone said, I was still in love and wanted to work it all out.
Sometimes, people tell us to walk away from the one we love the most - thinking they are telling us the right thing when we are really not ready to do so. The worst thing can happen when you do follow their decisions for your life, we find we become lonelier and wanting them back. My grandmother told me there are two things you do not do and I will pass this on to you: You do not (1) tell a person who they should or should not marry, and (2) tell a person whether they should or should not have a child. These decisions are their own. I live by those words when it comes to affairs of the heart.
Since you have advertised in Answers for an answer, my answer would be to 'shut off your internet, give yourself the free-will to decide what you want for you in a husband and a man, then once you've made up your mind on your own and without any advice from anyone else - do what you've decided.' You decide if he loves you or not. You decide if you should forgive him or not. There is no confusion when deception has entered a relationship. Ask yourself if you could cheat on him with anyone as he has with you? You decide for yourself who this man is to you and how much damage he has inflicted on your trust.
It's just that simple. This one is up to you.
2007-11-30 13:13:39 · answer #5 · answered by imnokitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two are asking a lot from each other. Possibly more than you should. Sex can happen Love can happen . There must be proximity at intervals or ......... I can't even imagine what it would do to me or how I'd react to a long distance relationship.
I would suggest you both have things to forgive the other for. If you can't, I don't think you know each other.
2007-11-30 13:42:08 · answer #6 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would end the relationship until the 2 of you are ready to live in the same city. I don't like the whole idea of a long-distance relationship; the whole holding out and waiting thing, it just seems so miserable. Why not just be in a normal relationship where you and your boyfriend hang out and spend time together building a foundation, trust, intimacy; instead of spending your time missing someone and wondering whether they are cheating on you?
Does he love you? I really don't see what that matters.
2007-11-30 12:56:38 · answer #7 · answered by who-wants-to-know 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Come on! what do you really think? This man, does not love you. If he can not wait for you are drive 6 hours away to be with you, so this type of thing won't happen, then you need to find another man. i am worried at the fact that he felt it was easy to tell you it was just sex and wants you to forgive him.
2007-11-30 13:25:07 · answer #8 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is setting you up with that line. if you forgive him. then he knows he can do it openly and he knows you will forgive him. if you dont then he knows he needs to keep it a secret from you. he is looking to have his cake and eat it too. those long distance relationship never really work. you either need to find a way to live in the same city or mail him his ring back and just say it isnt working and he obviously sees sex more importiant in his life than your and his relationship.
2007-11-30 13:15:14 · answer #9 · answered by Jecht 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"To err is human. To forgive divine"
It all depends on whether you truly believe that it was just a physical thing. If you honestly believe that he was just craving physical intimacy, then I would say that forgiveness is in order.
In the future, should you stay in the relationship, you need to take steps to insure that this doesn't happen. Make it a point to see each other more often, even if it means you have to take time off of work. Make sure that he never gets to that point again.
2007-11-30 12:54:28 · answer #10 · answered by Been here before 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋