elders: the japanese take love and pride of their elders but In america we just dump them in resthome!?

Question

I have worked in those situations and people just hide their parents away and never come and visit---we treat the elderly horrible--does anyone agree?

Answer 1

It's the same here in the UK too. There are a lot of Nursing Homes and Care Homes some are well run and others aren't.
When I was a child both sets of grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins etc all lived in the same town and this was the same for most famillies. As jobs became harder to find famillies moved away from their home towns to where the work was. As a result many famillies are scattered around the UK and in some cases around the world. When it comes time for elderly parents to not be able to look after themselves for whatever the reason they oftentimes do not want to move away from the town in which they have always lived or don't want to be a "burden" on their family. Some famillies do go to great lengths to keep the family together but there are a lot of reasons why it is not possible.
As we are living longer these days conditions such as dementia and alzheimers can last for 20 or so years and if anyone has taken care of a relative with such a condition you will know and appreciate how difficult and draining it can be to care for an elderly relative, hold down a job, etc.,
Not all elderly folk are "dumped" into a Care home but if they are would it not be better to live in a Home than with family who resent you being there. As for the Japanese taking pride in looking after their elders it is a part of their culture and they tend to live as we did in the 60's and earlier.....family in close proximity of each other.
We've said that we would rather be in a CareHome than live with our daughter especially if we develop dementia. But she won't hear of it and has said that we will live with her.
There are a lot of elderly people who don't have any choice in the matter especially if Social Services get involved eg if the elderly person ends up in hospital after a fall or illness. Social Services tend to take over. Trends change and maybe in a few years time the trend for Care homes may change back to how it was originally. Good question though.

Answer 2

I think for the most part, yes. With it taking two incomes to
support a household, I do believe that it's too easy for our
children to put us into retirement or assisted living centers.
And then they are too busy on their days off to stop by and
see us. I haven't been in that position yet, but I did work in
a nursing home, and saw how mostly all of the patients had
no one that visited them. And it's a sorry and sad existance
to see how miserable these elderly people become.
I have a Japanese net friend who has an elderly mother,
but she still lives in her own little house down the street. And
when the time comes, they will move her into their home, I'm
sure. But for now, she chooses to remain independant with
her own things and her own garden. She is in her 80's and
is still strong enough to take care of things. Some here in
the states are also fortunate like that to do the same things
and remain on their own. So I admire all those who are able
to still live alone and take care of themselves for as long as
they possibly can. For once they need assisted living, that
begins the downhill spiral to a quick end to life. Their will
goes out of them, and there is no diversion from their daily
schedule. It's a very sad existance. And one, I don't look
forward to, if that is the way I'll go.

Answer 3

Japanese over 70 were still very young when Japan lost the WWII in 1945 and experienced dramatical political turn to be democratize unconsciously. They had enjoyed US troops because many donation or material contribution and American culture and lifestyle to Japan make them more comfortable and peaceful. They, however, were not actually learned English in compulsory education early times so that most of them are still not speaking it very well. They are not dislike American and their products but believe that Japanese and the products are still much better. It is because they have had some own pride about past '60 to '80s Japanese rapid development and prosperity by their effort and ablitity. They may appriciate anything you give but it is just attitude on surface. They are now old enough and don't want to get more Westernized after all. Everything they want is all around them. Material doesn't mean anything worth for them now.

Answer 4

I definitely believe that we don't treat our elderly as good as we should. However, I do believe that there are instances where nursing home care is appropriate, such as if the person has a medical condition and can receive something like physical therapy there regularly or if the person is just too sick for the family to take care of him/her. My grandmother died last May from a massive stroke, but she didn't die until a week after the stroke. She was in the hospital for three days but due to a DNR, there was nothing they could do for her, so she was transferred to a nursing home. In situations like that, I understand that people should go into a nursing home. There's no way my father would have been able to take care of her at home. However, I think it's sickening when people put elderly people in the nursing home for no reason and then don't bother to come and visit them. That makes me sad.

Answer 5

I think it has a lot to do with the relationship these parents had (have) you can't treat your children like c*&p all their life and then expect them to want you around when you get older and even crabbyier. My father had to be in a home because he was in the final stages of Alzeheimer's and we visited him almost everyday and also visited the other people there so I do know what you mean. And just because they are nice to you doesn't mean they are nice to their families. I have seen that happen so many times. My mother is still alive and and lives alone because she wants to (she's ony 70). We talk on the phone everyday and get together a few times a week. My children have all invited me to come live with them when I retire in a few years. As I said, it's what kind of a relationship you have had with your family members that determines how they treat you. You reap what you sow.

Answer 6

well i think we yes the age group from say 60 to 75 caused this problem if there is a problem -- when we were kids all of us knew a family who had a older person that they cared for in there home and so some small business man came along and decided that their was a need for old age care -- so they took old tb clinics and any other building and converted them to care places -- and so rather than most of our age group taking care of these elders folks we dumped them in to these homes -- now that we are reaching the age where we can see this is our final resting place it is scaring the hell out of us!!!! my self i have plan for this and to tell you the truth i would rather be in a well managed care facility than in a house with screaming kids and smelly pets!!!

Answer 7

Some of them do get put in nursing homes, that is true. I for one help take care of my parents. They do live in their own house and I live right beside them in my tiny trailer. I am here if they need me for anything at all. Sometimes it is very hard dealing with some of the problems that I face from day to day. But they are my parents and the way that I look at it is they took care of me for 18+ years, now it is my turn to look after them.

I for one, knows what goes on in the nursing homes as I worked in one long enough to say that I did and saw what all goes on in there. It is not a pretty sight at all.

Answer 8

I don't know whether that is true or not but keep in mind that it is a different culture and any part of it is linked to all the other parts.

So, while you may admire the way elders are treated, you may want to consider how they treat their children of mixed marriages.

Answer 9

I know that some people do this, but it is not always true. I took care of my parents. She lived to be 85 and he lived to be 98. As a polio survivor, he had post polio syndrome and spent the last twenty years of his life in a wheelchair, but neither one of them ever had to go into a rest home.

I know of other people who have taken/do take care of their parents. In fact I would say that this is more the norm in America than sending them to a rest home.

Answer 10

It is horrible. My grandmother lived with us until she died, and ironically, she didn't want my mother to go to nursing school and she ended up nursing her for the last few years of her life.
My first husband & I were divorced, but when he was dying from lung cancer our daughter nursed him through his last several months.
The young people on here are so callous; I'm no longer religious but they make me think that it might be the end of the world as we know it.