Question about my Granda.89 years of age.?

Question

Hello,
My Granda went into a private nursing home in march this year. His health is way better since he went in there, his mind as sharp as ever and he can still read without his glasses.My parents couldnt stay with him all the time because they were working,and he went through a period of collapsing,dizzyness etc...He has settled in well, walking without hes stick,and we visit him often, he is very happy.

The only thing is this Christmas. If Granda comes back for Xmas day, he will want to go into his room, and the room has been emptied.I know that he knows hes staying there, but i cant bear the thought of him going into his room and seeing is bed, tv etc... gone.
Also, Ebony his dog died a few months ago. He adores the dog, always asked questions about her, and none of us had the heart to tell him she died, it would deeply upset him.
How am I going to tell him about the dog?I feel awful lying to him,but understand we dont want to upset him.

I mean when he asks how the dog is, and i say 'oh shes good granda', thats what i meant when i said i was telling him a lie.
Thanks to everyone so far, i think ill tell him next week, not this week, have to gather the strenght first.
Such nice people in this section.

strength, i meant.

How can i mention it to him? Will I say 'Granda, Ebony isnt well' and a week later let on she died? Or just say that we got up one morning and she died in her sleep?

Answer 1

I would tell him these things now so that it is history by Christmas. Remember...he is an adult and has handled disappointment and loss many times before.

Just remember to love him now while you still have him. He will respond best to that.

Merry Christmas!

Answer 2

Wow, you are so compassionate to be concerned about your Grandpa's feelings when he comes home for Christmas. I am sure that your Grandpa will be feeling your love and enjoying your attention on Christmas Day and will not probably be interested in going into his old room. No doubt he'll want to stay in the the midst of the festivities. But IF he does, just redirect his attention to something else by asking him a question or taking him to another part of the house to show him something. About his beloved dog, if he expects his dog to still be there when he arrives on Christmas day, it will be a BIG disappointment to him and might put a damper on his enjoyment of the Christmas activities, so I would tell him BEFORE Christmas that Ebony passed away. In fact, I would let him know as soon as possible, next time you make a visit. Do you have any pictures of Ebony? Perhaps you could make a little photo album and allow your Grandpa to talk about Ebony while he looks at the pictures. Blessings to you and your Grandpa and it's wonderful to hear that you have such a great relationship and that your Grandpa is settling into his new home with contentment and peace.

Answer 3

Unfortunately this is the problem when people don't tell the truth straightaway. Your intentions were good but your Granda hasn't reached 89yrs of age without ever hearing bad news, has he?
When you next go to see him before he comes for the visit at Christmas, tell him the truth about his room and his dog. You may well be surprised by his response....he might have known that his things would be emptied from his room and if his Ebony was an old dog, he will have expected her to go because he wasn't there with her any more.
Even if he does get upset (and he probably will) just be there and comfort him. He will be ok. He has a family who love and care for him. It will all be ok. xx
Edit: You poor thing now that you've decided to tell him you have the quandary of how to do it! You could say "Granda, I've got something to tell you, Ebony has passed away but it was peaceful and she wasn't in any pain." If your Granda cries just hug him and tell him how much you love him and that you didn't want to upset him but tell him you needed him to know. When he's settled a bit after that news tell him that his things aren't in his room at home anymore and you hope he doesn't mind. We'll be thinking of you over this and it will be ok so please don't worry too much. He is a very lucky Granda to have such a caring grandchild in you. Good Luck xx

Answer 4

I think you should tell him that the dog died peacefully in his sleep - you should tell him soon so that he can get used to the idea before he comes for Xmas. He will take the news better that you expect, he has had years of life experience, he's not a child! Cant you put a comfy chair and a TV into his old room for his visit to make him feel more at home?

Good luck and I hope you have a fabulous Xmas with your Grandpa

Answer 5

I would tell him the truth about his dog. He is 89 years of age he can handle it.
Why don't you all go out to a nice hotel for Christmas, or if you could afford it go away altogether for 2 days.
Later in the new year when he is quite settled tell him that his room has now been decorated and that you are using it for a study. But that there is still a bed there for him if he would like to come for a visit. Chances are he will not want to leave his new environment as he feels safe and secure.
Older people handle dissapointments better than you think. Good luck to you all.

Answer 6

Have you tried talking to the management of the establishment where he now lives, about the possibility of having a live-in companion dog for the residents? No-kill shelters know their animals pretty well, & could help pick a dog out that should work out well in whatever the circumstances are. You might share the article with them:

"Animals--A Gift From God" http://watchtower.org/e/20040222a/article_01.htm

Some retirement homes have 1 or 2 dogs (or cats) that are allowed to roam the facility, and help keep the resident's spirits up. If you could work something like that out, perhaps your grampa could help decide which dog.

The principles in the following articles apply to people who have lost their pets, as well as human loved ones:

"How Can Others Help,
When Someone you Love Has Died?" http://watchtower.org/e/we/article_04.htm
"How Can I Live With My Grief?" http://watchtower.org/e/we/article_03.htm
Some Practical Suggestions http://watchtower.org/e/we/diagram_03.htm

Answer 7

I am so sorry you are having to face this, It is very obvious you care deeply for him, the only thing I could sugest is, would it be possible to have his room set up again, even if it's not the same items but tell him what you had to do before he arrives and then he won't feel hurt, I'm sure he will understand as you said he still as sharp as ever, I also think you must tell him about his Dog too before he arrives, maybe your parents will know just the right moment to choose to tell him, I know how worried you are about upsetting him, but it I feel it would upset him more if you keep it from him any longer, my best wishes to you, and I hope it all turns out ok xx

Answer 8

I would pray first and ask God to get him ready for the news. God just has a way to comfort the hurting. I would tell him the truth, was she sick and died or did you just wake up and she had passed away? I am sure he is stronger than what you think, older people really are and they expect to see and hear about death as they grow older. He will be okay, I am sure you are kind enough to break the news to him gently. What a wonderful grandaughter you are, so compassionate and caring. He must love you alot.

Answer 9

i hope this helps -- first lie and get your act together about the dog and anything else -- but you may be surprise (at least i hope so) i have known numerous folks out at the nursing home and i take them our several times a week for lunch or coffee or just a drive and they always keep very close track of time and out of the blue when i think we are having a great time they will say it is time to go home (back to the nursing home) since it is time for bingo or some other thing that they do on a daily basis!!!!

Answer 10

Is there a chance he can go to visit at someone else's home? I know this must be tearing you up, but it is important for him to 'go home' for the holidays probably, but do ask him! If he's doing so very well at the nursing home, he may prefer a visit from you and to stay with his new friends!

It will be necessary for you to tell him about the dog though. He didn't make it to 89 yrs old not knowing life. And if his dog was old he's going to wonder how she made it so long!

Be kind, be gentle, be loving, but be truthful....as hard as it may be.

Answer 11

Next time you see him just mention that Ebony is not very well and you may be taking him to the vet. This is a start to breaching the bad news. It will soften the blow when you tell him the dog died.later on.