i recently split up with my childs father, we had been together for 3+ years and it hasn't been the best relationship especially after i had our baby, for near enough this whole year its been a constant battle to try and work on it and i had finally had enough when he humilated me in front of his family and argued with my mother, i have been on my own for about a week and have felt better about myself in such a long time but i see my ex everyday still for our childs sake and he is so sad about everything and now i feel guilty and sorry for him, we have split up before and i've took him back thinking he's changed but after a couple of days its back to angry tantrums etc, im torn at what to do? do i take him back on the faith he's calmed down and learned his mistakes or do i get on with my life and concentrate on me and my child?
2007-11-30 09:30:27 · 18 answers · asked by mizzmamma 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i feel guilt because im not exactly the goodie either, i argued back etc, he doesn't think he done anything wrong which makes me feel i overeacted and guilty for finishing it
2007-11-30 09:48:35 · update #1
Dear Amzado. You have been battling for most of this year, yet you still wanted to work on your relationship, that is courage and determination, but there comes a time when life will just make it's own mind up and this is what you have done. You say that you had, had enough when he humiliated you in front of his parents and argued with your mother. It seems to me that you are trying to do all the work, yet he wants to remain the same. Your partner has left before and you took him back because you thought he had changed, yet with in a few days he was back to his old self, now after a week of separation you think again that he has changed yet again. It would take more than a week to notice any change in a person. It is more like he wants you to believe he is a changed person. I am not going to suggest one way or the other, but I can say that a week is not sufficient for a leopard to have changed his spots. It is possible for you to continue your relationship with your partner even though he is out of your house, as you state that you started to feel better about yourself, you need to gather your strenght back and deal with him slowly and see for yourslf if has really changed. Keep the commucations open, but for the time being, take care of yourself and your child and see how things develope with your partner and may be you will be able decide what direction to take in the future. Good Luck....David
2007-12-01 01:42:50 · answer #1 · answered by David Wilson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from coming through a similar experience I would say carry on on your own. You split once and took him back but things went back the way they were, it will happen again. There's a reason that ex's are ex's. I know you have a child together and you have to work something out so that your child still see's its father and you have to get along for your child's sake. But for your own sake, you really should not go back there!
2007-11-30 09:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by Babylamb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He got you to "take him back" so he gave up the act of feeling sorry and contrite.
Why do you feel guilty? He is the one behaving inappropriately. He's not making any effort to change. Do you really want that sort of behavior modeled for your child? Do you want your child to grow up thinking that's okay?
If you don't set boundaries for yourself (and for your child, who is too young at this point to do it for him/herself) and insist on appropriate treatment, no one else will do it for you. Your child's father behaves the way he does because he gets away with it. You let him and there are no consequences for his actions.
He will NOT change when he's getting everything he wants by behaving the way he is.
He didn't even really make an effort to change during the week you were "on your own". He just seemed sad. And you took him back.
So really, if you want your (and your child's) life to continue on the way it is, keep doing what you're doing.
Best wishes, I hope this helps.
2007-11-30 09:40:57 · answer #3 · answered by kyeri y 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you believe he could've changed this time?? I think if you were to give your relationship another chance i think you should try to attend some couple counselling just to get another perspective on your issues. Whatever you decide to do you have to put your child first; being raised in the middle of arguments and family friction is not the best upbringing for a child, better to be with one happy parent than two miserable ones!! Good luck!!
2007-11-30 09:37:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should think on your child's sake !!!!! Do you want your child to gro up knowing his mother and his father argue and fall out every other week !!!! When someone commits to having children they think of there children first so do what you think will help your child Also if he has done this before when you's have fell out been nice and calm etc then wen you take him back he goes back to same old same old!!
Then he will do it again.
2007-12-01 01:21:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh lord i think im, living your life, everything is the same, i left and came back 4 times already and im here thinking the same question, what if theis and what if that, bla bla bla could i cope etc, you knoww whats sad, the last time i left i had a lovely house lined up and support of family around me and i gave in, most days i do regrete it but i stayed for my baby, i put her first and me second, dont be like me, dont regrete love, dont stay cos of the routine or easiness of it, live your own life, be happy. i wish someone had sad this to me a while ago. oh well.
2007-11-30 10:14:09 · answer #6 · answered by katie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should get back with him. You should concentrate on you and your child. He don't love you that much if he have to argue with your mother i really think that is very disrespectful. If he argue and disrespect your mother like that just imagine how he will treat you. When talk it just need to be about the child.
2007-11-30 09:53:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Crack on girl. If he a better guy single then its good for everyone and the little one see mummy happy. dont want little un to grow up in tense atmosphere or think its ok to be like that to other people. make sure he see you happy with other friends &how you respect/treat each other - after all thats what us normals do. it will make or break but DO NOT RUSH its all your call. Your only here once - be happy.
2007-11-30 09:41:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
concentrate on getting your own life back together and the life of your child.
having a father like that as a role model can be seriously detremental to the childs health and will teach him/her thats its ok to be angry all the time.
and its not good for you as your child knows when you are hurting and it makes them down too
2007-12-02 20:01:12 · answer #9 · answered by rafena 1979 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is a cycle, then break it. You should at the very least make him prove himself from afar.
But more than likely he doesn't really want to change and nows that if he puts on a good show you'll take hime back.
2007-11-30 09:36:43 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋