What does this sound like to you?

Question

My husband and I have been married a year and a half. To make a long story short my parents and i do not get along. A counselor i went to said that they were 'dysfunctional.' The summer i met my husband, my parents did not allow me to come home from college. I had to work a maintance job and pay 1500 to stay in the dorms.
When i got married, my parents at first agreed to pay for 3 out of the four years of tuition. Then they took it back, saying they would not help out anymore after the two years.
In short, my parents were not at allll perfect. They had their flaws. My husband is now saying that if i begin talking to them again (I have not for almost a year) he would divorce me.
When i said that i would take his money if he divorced me for that reason, he said he would kill me. I know this is A LOT... but I just want some opinions on the matter. It causes me a lot of stress, and I do not know what to think.

My question is weather or not my husband is controlling. I don't like to use the word 'controlling' but only when i have too.
When i say to him 'you are being controlling' he says 'no.' He says that i am free to talk to my parents, but he will have nothing to do with me.

He says that he wants me to 'be on the same wavelength as him.' He hates my parents, so he wants me to as well.

I also told him that i would contact the irs and have him auditted, and contact the credit card company he owes and turn him in (he owes them 6 thousand

Answer 1

Tell your husband to shove it, can't believe you would stay with a man who threatens your life and tells you who you can and can't talk to what a a** hole..

Answer 2

Yes, they may be dysfunctional, but they are still your parents. You should be able to talk to them, unless your husband is controlling you. Why would he even joke about killing you? That is not a normal healthy relationship..that is abusive. What if you really end up dead?

Perhaps he needed a woman who was not close to family so they wouldn't disapprove of him and how he treats you. If you think you are being abused, please talk to your school counselor or find a social service that helps abused women. They can do amazing things to get you out of there.

Answer 3

Threatening to kill someone shouldn't be taken lightly. I would never stay with a man who said that. You don't sound like you're overly concerned that he'll act on it, but you never know, and no matter what he should not have said that.

You should be the one who dictates which of YOUR family members you choose to talk to. He doesn't have to see them or talk to them (I never see or communicate with my mother-in-law) and you shouldn't expect him to, but he can't tell you not to talk to your parents.

But on the flipside, you did start this vindictiveness with your threat about his money. If you want to work things out, then the two of you need to see a counselor and learn some healthier fighting habits.

But I do think your husband sounds a bit controlling.

Answer 4

First, why would you want to continue a relationship with parents who told you you couldn't come home during break, technically, they'd have to evict you, secondly this husband may hate them, but if your marrying him caused them to renig their contribution to your education (which they didn't have to after you turned 18) they threw an unexpected financial burden upon you guys, but it doesn't give him the right to be cruel, and third, please don't think I'm being mean, I'm not one to answer questions harshly like some, but if you two are throwing all these threats, "If you do....., I'll do ....," sounds like your relationship with your parents followed you into your adult relationship and I would reccommend counseling, Good Luck!

Answer 5

Sounds like you just went to dysfunctional parents to dysfunctional husband. Leave him now, it's not too late. No matter how imperfect your parents, they are still your parents. And your husband should respect that. Do you want your kids to go through what you went through, again?

Answer 6

Becca compare ur life to this
girl has health issue bullied at school & abused at home
girl passes school but has to pay her own through college etc
as parents refuse to pay & take loan from her dont pay it back
girl gets ops for health issues alone as parents dont support
when its time for marriage they say no to good guys so shes stuck with ex gang member & man 18years older then her
girls parents refuse to pay her inheritance or money owed nearly $40,000(remember they never paid for college or anything else)
your lucky

Answer 7

Spouses come & go, tell this jerk to get gone, you'll get thru college on your own, and you can do it, I DID, & it wasn't easy, make no more comments to him, just tell him to leave or cool it!! Maybe your parents an't afford it now, who knows!! but loose this guy, he sill keep you away from the rest of the world!! be careful&safe mgb

Answer 8

Sounds to me that you are married to a control freak.....he should be supportive if you want to smooth things over with your parents and not be threatening divorce...He threatened to kill you before you would divorce him and take his money...this would be a very good reason to divorce this man...He sounds dangerous....

Answer 9

Sounds like you need to see a counselor again - this time about your husband.

Anyone who says they would "kill" you for something is not normal. I believe he is beyond "controlling".

Answer 10

no matter how they act...you only have 2 parents....i sense they were not happy about ur choice to get married or ur choice of man? blood os thicker then water and if wants you to make a decision that would affect you forever then he is not thinking of u...not at all...what if u had children...would they not get to know their grandparents?