I'm nearly 39 weeks pregnant and mother in law has already tried to lay the guilt trip, she wants to be there when I have my baby.
I told the midwife I only want my husband and midwife/dr and that's it she suggested my hubby call everyone AFTER I have the baby.
MIL said make sure you call me when she's in labor I want to be there don't leave me out! She said to my husband ' your brother was a rotten sh!t he didn't tell me and your grandmother until after and we had brought all these nice toys and clothes for the baby and he didn't even let us know we were so upset disapointed and angy! Don't be like him and let me know the minute she's in labor.'
This is so unfair I really don't know how to handle this am I being really selfish for only wanting my husband to be there - any suggestions?
2007-11-30 08:28:13 · 16 answers · asked by Nicky 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Sounds like your brother-in-law knew what he was doing -- there was a REASON he didn't call his mom! She sounds more arrogant than truly caring.
My cousin and her mom and siblings do EVERYTHING together. When she went into labor neither she nor her husband spoke up and everyone was in the room -- along with their spouses/significant others. From what I know of them, all they needed was a pizza and it would've been a party. Even though she loves them it was too stressful and her labor arrested and she needed a C-section. I'm sure your husband wouldn't want his wife to go through that unnecessarily and so he should explain to his mother that this is a private moment and she can babysit the baby all she wants after it arrives. (Was she there when you conceived?) Besides, I don't think you're really going to be in the mood for an impromptu shower so soon after (or even during) birth. I haven't had my baby yet, so that's just a feeling!
If your husband doesn't want to stand up to his mom, have a doula, nurse or doctor know of your wishes. They can be the bad guys.
Good luck!
2007-11-30 11:04:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the Mid-wife, call after the baby arrives and you and your new little family have had some time together. You are not being selfish. It is your baby, and your family. It is a personal thing. Make sure the grandmas are the first people you call, but if they know when you go into labor they'll be waiting at the door begging to come in. Also, remember to use your nurse as the bad guy. My nurse told me if visitors were getting too much I could "go to the Bathroom" and call the nurses station, they would come in and make up an excuse for everyone to leave.
If your hubby disagrees, remember its your private parts exposed to the whole world, not his (how'd he like your family to see him exposed?) But of course say it nice.
I guess you could always call when the baby is born and say your water just broke, then call 5 hours later and say the baby arrived.
2007-11-30 08:44:06 · answer #2 · answered by KneeKnee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone in the family or a friend needs to stand watch at the door and not let anyone but your hus & the dr in.
Haven't you told her before now that you only want your husband? It's really your husband's job since it's his mother. Maybe the midwife would do it.
Your baby, your choice. Sounds to me that you're going to have to stand up to your mil quite a bit or she'll monopolize your kid. And no, this is not being selfish. There are some things that are private. She wasn't there when the baby was conceived; she doesn't need to be there when the baby is born.
TX Mom
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
2007-11-30 08:43:29 · answer #3 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT being selfish! Do not let her make you feel guilty or selfish. You clearly stated ahead of time that only your husband and midwife will be allowed in the room. It's not as if you're inviting your family and telling your husband's family not to come. I suppose another option would be that they can come but they MUST be in the waiting area and stay there until your husband comes and gives them the okay. But this is your baby, you do want you want to do. Good luck.
2007-11-30 08:34:07 · answer #4 · answered by N and A's Momma 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, your not being selfish this is a very private and special moment for you and your husband. When I was in labor with my first son I wanted everyone there but then when I was in labor I kicked everyone out. Your MIL can be there at the hospital and whenever you feel like it you can kick her out, that way she won't feel left out. She needs to understand that this is a really special and intimate event for you and your husband.
Good luck I'm also 39 weeks pregnant!!!
2007-11-30 08:33:42 · answer #5 · answered by rosa g 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you'll not selfish but let me say this one thing. It sounds like she never saw any of her grandkids born and thats a grandma's dream my mom was there for my son(her 1st) ans she loved it, but if you think about it and you still dont like the idea i say sit down and tell her(cause hubby might not be able to hurt her feelings) and she will accpect it more coming from you cause guys dont always say things in the right way lol. But just explain to her that he will call when you'll in labor but explain you dont feel comfy with her being in the delivery room but make sure you do tell her you do want to share this with her and will like her to be there.
2007-11-30 08:59:28 · answer #6 · answered by DeDe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My family always takes over the waiting room for deliveries. Everyone keeps their distance until the baby is born. Its not really the mother they care about anyway right? Everyone just wants to see that beautiful baby!! :-) I would call your mother in law when you get to the hospital but make sure everyone knows the rules, no one in the room except your hubby. He can go back and forth on ice chip trips and fill everyone in on the latest updates! Good luck!! And Congrats on the baby!!!
2007-11-30 08:34:16 · answer #7 · answered by Susan F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For one, you are not being selfish, you and your husband need to sit her down and tell her you just want it to be the two of you. If you guys don't have the heart to tell her, just call her once you are about to push, tell her that you didn't relize you were in labor and that you just got there and you are already ready to go, hopefully you'll be done by the time she gets to the hospital.
But you probably ought to go with my first suggestion, she may be mad, but she'll get over it eventually.
Good luck!
2007-11-30 08:34:27 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ ~Isabelle's mommy~ ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're being selfish. Let her know that your hubby will call her when you go to the hospital but that if she comes, she will have to be in the waiting room until it's born. That could take hours. I know I'm not having my MIL in the room at all until after. If she would like to know that I have gone to the hospital, I think that would be common courtesy to let her know but I need my privacy during this time.
2007-11-30 08:32:53 · answer #9 · answered by Brownie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i can say i have had this issue, and i told her flat out i'm not comfortable with you being there in the room with me. tell her that your husband can call her when you get to the hospital and she can wait in the waiting room. labor takes a while, most of the time, and she can see the baby when they take him/her to the nursary for cleaning. you will need your rest by then. thats what i had to do. labor is stressful enough with out everyone pressuring you. its you day, she can wait.
good luck
2007-11-30 08:36:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋